Midnight Caller - pandorabox82 - Criminal Minds (US TV) [Archive of Our Own] (2024)

Alex had just returned from teaching her introduction to linguistics course at Georgetown when her home phone rang. James always teased her about keeping a landline in this day and age, especially when they used Skype to communicate so much. She always had to remind him that there were times when her internet connection was bad, or his was, and the only certain way to communicate with him was over a landline. What she hadn't told him was that was the last number she had left with the FBI, on the off chance that they might call her to come back. Alex had put in her time in exile, she had rebuilt the reputation that Erin had destroyed, and now, fifteen years later, it was more than time for her to return to her previous job. Alex knew that the BAU was down a permanent member, as well as having two members on temporary assignment with Interpol.

James would be bothered by the fact that she kept such close tabs on her former job, since he felt that she just needed to put everything behind her, but Alex didn't feel that way. She had held onto the flaming brand of anger for far too long, and she wanted her job back. She wanted to prove herself worthy of the position of profiler. And she knew that that would only come if she threw her hat in the ring. Which was exactly what she had done two months ago. And now, her phone was ringing unexpectedly. Alex couldn't help but think that this was a good sign, and she jogged over to the phone and answered, hoping that she didn't sound too breathless to the person on the other end of the line. "Hello?"

"Alex! It is so good to hear your voice again."

"Ron! It is very good to hear from you as well. I hope that this is good news?"

There was a brief pause before Ron was clearing his throat. "I was surprised to see your application arrive on my desk for the opening at the BAU. I had assumed that you wanted nothing more to do with the BAU after the Amerithrax debacle. I know that you did hard work at our field office in Maryland, to rebuild your reputation after everything that happened, but there have been numerous times where you could have applied for openings. In fact, I almost expected it after Jason Gideon left."

"Yes, well. James and I didn't think that it was the right time for me to head back just then. He was on a rather dangerous assignment in Iraq, and I needed to be in a position to drop everything at a moment's notice, just in case the worst happened. But now, now I really feel like it is the right time."

"Well, that's a good thing to hear, because I would like to extend an offer of employment to you. You'll need to come in tomorrow afternoon so that we can discuss salary and get your credentials reinstated, along with issuing you a gun. You'll also have to head down to the shooting range and pass the qualifications exam, though I have little doubt that you'll fail that."

"I have kept up with my shooting skills, yes, just in case an opportunity like this came along. What time should I arrive at Quantico?"

"How about one? That was you can get your qualifications out of the way first before coming up to see me."

Alex cleared her throat as she struggled to keep it together. Everything that she had been working for was coming together in that moment, and she didn't want to seem flighty or emotional in front of the Director. "I think that I can make that work. I'll just have to contact my TA, and let her know that she'll be taking over my classes for the afternoon. But we can discuss that, as well, when I come in to see you, as I'd like to keep teaching at least one course a semester, if possible."

"Of course. We'll talk more tomorrow. Have a good day, Alex."

"You as well, Ron." Hanging up the phone, Alex took a few deep breaths before promptly bursting into tears. This was the culmination of everything that she had been working towards for close to two decades, and she found that she couldn't wait to get back into the swing of things. Stepping out of her shoes, Alex made her way into her home office and picked up her laptop as she relaxed in the oversized chair that was by her favorite window. As it booted up, Alex glanced outside, thinking about how much her life would change after tomorrow. It was suddenly all too real, she mused as she swiped away tears from her cheeks, thankful that her crying jag hadn't lasted too long.

As soon as her laptop was ready to go, Alex first emailed her TA, informing her of her sudden absence before contacting her department head and letting him know about the job change, and that she was working on things so that she could teach at least one or two classes a semester, but that there would likely be some absences, depending on where she was in the country with the BAU. With those two important emails out of the way, Alex then went through the rest of her inbox, replying to questions from her students before deciding to take another look through the current make up of Alpha team, since that was who she was going to be joining.

She knew Dave and Aaron already, having tangentially worked with them during her first tenure with the BAU. And she had had Spencer in as a guest lecturer in her classes before, and knew him quite well. So that left her with looking up Jennifer Jareau, Derek Morgan, and Penelope Garcia. For good measure, she also decided to look up who she would be replacing, since those would be the shoes that she would have to fill. There wasn't too much about any of them online, but she was able to find a few newspaper articles dating from the bank heist in May, and was then confronted with the one person she wasn't prepared to see.

Erin still looked beautiful, she couldn't deny that. Age had just descended upon her like a gentle cloak, and she sighed as she scrolled away from the picture, only to see that she had been quoted extensively in the article. Every word was pure Erin, and she could see that her ability to play politics had only grown in the years since she'd been away from Quantico, and Alex fought to keep from rolling her eyes at some of the soundbite answers that her former friend had given. It seemed, though, that she would be working in close contact with Erin, if she was heading out into the field with the team, and she was not looking forward to that, at all. There was too much bad blood still between them for Alex to even start thinking about being polite.

Letting out a small sigh, Alex set the laptop on the window sill before getting to her feet and checking on the mail before looking into the rest of the team, hoping to glean more information about them that didn't also include Erin. Stepping into sandals, Alex made her way out onto the porch and opened the box attached to the wall. Inside were a few bills, a letter from her father, and another card from Erin. Stiffening her shoulders, she stalked inside, her good mood over getting her job at the BAU back evaporating quicker than the rain in the desert. Heading back into her office, she tossed everything else on the desk before plopping back down into her chair and twirling Erin's card around and around between her fingers. A part of her wanted to open it and see what Erin had written this time, since this was card number nine in nine months. She hadn't opened any of them after the first, since she didn't want to be confronted with the way her former friend had decided to seek amends from her after her second stint in rehab.

She hadn't responded to that first card, nor any of the others that had come, but she had kept them. She didn't know why she had done so, but she didn't feel comfortable throwing them away for some reason. Still, a part of her itched to open this latest card and see what the woman had written her. Before she could stifle that feeling, Alex found herself breaking the seal on the envelope and pulling the card out of it. It was a heavy weight, and thoroughly elegant, just like everything about Erin, and Alex rolled her eyes a little at the ostentatiousness of it all. Opening the card, Alex looked over the words written there, gleaning what she could from the way that Erin had written to her before she dove into what she had written.

I know that you probably aren't reading these letters that I'm sending, since you never replied to the first one, but I still feel like I have to reach out, just in case you soften and do end up reading one of them. You are the last person that I have to make amends to, Alex, and I think that I saved the hardest person for last. And perhaps that's why my first attempt at rehab failed, because I couldn't see past my pride in order to ask you for forgiveness for what I had done all these years ago. I screwed up, I know this now, and I can only hope that you will find it in your heart to forgive me. I know that I cannot force that from you, it has to be freely given, but that is my fondest wish. And now, since you're coming back to the BAU, I think that I might have a chance to earn your forgiveness, as you get to see me at work, as I am now. I'm still stubborn, and I still play the politics game much better than I have any right to, but I have been softened due to circ*mstances in my life. I cannot wait to see you in the bullpen again, Alex, and I hope that you can shine from your first day back. All my love, Erin

Her words were much the same as in the first card, but there was almost a sense of melancholy in them, as if she wasn't certain that Alex would read or reach out to her. Little did she know that Alex had read the letter, even if there was no chance in hell that she would reply to the words Erin had written, nor would she acknowledge the woman when she came back to the BAU. If anything, she would avoid her at all costs, and hope that there wasn't any opportunity for them to have to interact. Tossing aside the card, Alex picked up her laptop once more, deciding to look up Agent Jareau first, since it had been her husband who had nearly died when he had been taken hostage by Lady X and her team.

Soon enough, Alex had lost herself in getting to know these people that she would be working with from that day forward, and she couldn't help but feel like she was going to have a difficult time blending back in with this team. They had all worked together for years, and had just lost a beloved member after she had returned from supposed death. That automatically meant that she would be an interloper, and she didn't know how she would feel about that. At least she would have the opportunity to get to know Agent Jareau before adding in getting to know Agent Morgan and Ms. Garcia, and that might lead to her having a good way to gel with everyone. She just had to make certain that she didn't get close to any of them. She was not about to allow another Erin situation crop up in her life and derail everything once more.

Alex sighed as she plopped down onto sofa. It had been a long day of paperwork following her qualifications test, which she had passed with flying colors, and she found herself exhausted. It had been surprising just how draining a few hours spent in the FBI building had been, but she supposed that a part of that was due to the fact that she had been looking over her shoulder for Erin to just pop up at any moment. She wouldn't put it past the woman to do that, to put Alex on the spot in front of their colleagues in order to push her narrative of wanting to make amends. Because Erin knew damn well that Alex wouldn't cause another scene where her reputation would be suspect again.

Still, that hadn't happened, it was as if Erin didn't even exist, and she had almost asked Ron where Erin was, since she wanted to know if she needed to be prepared for a sudden confrontation. There had never been a clear opportunity to ask that, though, and she didn't want to rock the boat on her first day back in the BAU. As she let out another sigh, Alex pulled out her new credentials and took a look at her picture. She looked completely different from her first profile picture, colder, more aloof, and very much like she knew that she was better than a lot of people. It was a carefully constructed façade that she pulled together in order to give off that air of authority. And it was also a coping mechanism to distance herself from being hurt by anyone. She was going into this job with one intention, and one intention only – to prove that she was more than capable of being a profiler and her linguistic skills were top of the line, no matter what Erin might think.

Setting the identification badge and gun on her coffee table, Alex stretched out on the sofa and stared up at the ceiling. She really wanted to call James, to let him know about her good news and that she was ready to start anew with a fresh team and none of the baggage of her past with Erin, but it was close to two in the morning in Gabon, and she didn't want to wake him up. If it had been midnight, then she would have readily called, since that would mean reviving their earlier habit of calling at that time. A part of her knew that it had been wrong to suggest that to him once he had started with MSF, since it had been a holdover from her good times with Erin. And if she dug further down into her feelings and memories, she would acknowledge that the reason she and Erin had called each other so often at midnight was because that was the only way that Alex would open herself up and actually talk about how she was feeling.

It was a terrible cliché, she knew, but it was true for her. The more tired she was, the easier it was for her to talk. Not just about her deeper feelings, but at all. Her family never understood that she just preferred to keep to herself, to speak slowly and make each interaction count; and that had led to the rift between her and Scotty. Her dad had gotten a little better over the years, and so it had been easier to try and keep in contact with him. "I suppose that I should let someone know that I've gotten my job back," she said lowly as she pulled her phone from her pocket and scrolled through her contact list until she came to her father. Touching the number, she brought the device to her ear and waited for the call to connect.

"Alex? Is everything all right?"

She let out a little chuckle as she nodded. "I know, you don't have to say it, I need to call more often. Nothing is wrong, James is in Gabon with MSF, and I will be starting a new job tomorrow morning."

"I'm sorry?"

"I applied to the BAU again, when I heard that there was an opening. I don't know why I decided to, since it always felt like a pipe dream for me, but something prodded me into submitting my resume. And Ron called me directly to offer me the job. I passed my gun qualifications earlier today, and then got my badge and credentials, along with a new service weapon."

"You didn't keep your old one?"

She shook her head as she scrunched back into the cushions of the sofa. "I didn't want to be reminded of all that when I was relegated to desk duty in the Maryland field office. But I love the feel of this in my hand."

"Are you happy now?"

The question came out of left field, and Alex had to think about it for a moment. She was happy. Wasn't she? This was everything that she had wanted for the last fifteen years of her life. This job had always been on her mind, despite Alex finding her teaching role quite fulfilling. "Of course I am, Dad."

"It took you a while to answer that, Allie. Maybe you might think about examining your heart and seeing if this is happiness or something a little more petty. You don't want to take this job just because you want to stick it to Erin. Not after…"

"After what, Dad?" she needled him, allowing ire to color her voice as she glared up at the ceiling.

"Your mother and I never said anything to you, but we knew."

Alex felt all the blood drain from her face as she tugged one of the throw pillows onto her stomach and held it there tightly. "I have no idea what you're talking about, Dad."

"You were always a horrible liar when it came to really important things, Alex. I half think that that was why you never talked much, since as long as you were quiet, no one could pick out your lies. But with Erin, it was easy enough to see on your face. Your mother wanted you to settle down with a nice man like James, I just wanted you to be happy, but you always were your mother's daughter. Though given the way that things ended up between you and Erin, I suppose that your mother was the right one to listen to."

"How?" she asked, feeling her heart clench painfully in her chest.

"You just telegraphed love whenever you spoke about her. And the one time I got to speak with her on the phone, I could tell that she loved you, too, perhaps more desperately than you. You never needed others, you were always my independent bug. But I think that Erin needed a love to hold onto, and that she needed you more than you needed her. Which is probably what made your demotion sting all the more for the both of you."

"Yeah," she answered, hating how right he was in that moment. "But I really am happy to be back with the BAU. This is the culmination of everything that I've been working towards these last fifteen years. And I probably won't even see Erin all that often. She's our section chief now, which means that she's doing the job that she always wanted."

"And that would be?"

"Playing the politician and maneuvering people like chess pieces."

"You don't really believe that."

"Yeah, Dad, I do. She was always born to play that game, and if I had realized that earlier in my life, I don't think it would have hurt so much when she betrayed me. She cut my rope without even sparing a second thought for me!" She hated sounding so emotional, hated the fact that bitter tears were stinging her eyes when she should be overjoyed at what she was going to be doing with her life come the morrow. Instead, she was grousing with her father about things that shouldn't matter any longer.

"Ah, my darling girl, you still are allowing bitterness to rule your heart. You need to learn to move on and let those things no longer bother you. I know that it is so hard, but it is for the best."

"I know," she said hurriedly before letting out a fake yawn. "Look, I should probably get going, it's going to be an early day for me tomorrow. And I promise, it won't be so long between calls this time. Love you, Dad."

"Love you, too, bug."

Once he was off the line, Alex pressed the phone into the pillow on her stomach, blinking away the tears that were still threatening to spill from her eyes. She should have known that she was obvious to her parents, since she had been so blindingly in love with Erin during their time at the Academy, but she had still assumed that she had been circ*mspect, given that her parents hadn't said anything to her. Until her mom had introduced James to her, and she had found herself drawn to him. Erin hadn't said anything, but she had too quickly found Alan following that, and that was when she knew that her father was correct, Erin had needed someone to love and need her desperately, and Alan had filled the role that Alex had so quickly left.

"I will not allow Erin to get back underneath my skin," she muttered as she pushed herself off the sofa. Glancing at her watch, she saw that her conversation with her father had taken longer than she had assumed, and it was nearly eleven. A bit late to get to sleep, and she still had to take a shower, as she wanted to make the best impression possible on her teammates. Shaking her head, she made her way upstairs and stripped off her clothes, dropping her phone onto the nightstand before padding into the bathroom and taking a long shower. As she washed her body, Alex ran through a series of rap songs in order to calm her spirit after that call with her father, and she finally stepped out when the water was too cold to stand beneath any longer.

After drying off, Alex twisted her hair up into a towel before making her way back to the bedroom. Pulling open the top dresser drawer, she took out a tank top and boxers and quickly dressed before settling down to relax in the bed. Turning onto her side, she plugged her phone in to charge before setting the alarm for six the next morning, knowing that the commute would be long. Then she decided to email James, wanting him to know the good news, even if she hadn't called him about it beforehand.

By the time you read this, I'll be asleep and dreaming about starting with the BAU once more. I finally got my job back, and I cannot wait to prove how good of a profiler I am. Erin is going to regret ever treating me so horribly during that whole debacle, and I cannot wait to see her face when I show her up. And I know, you'll be the second person to tell me that I need to let it go, but I can't. Not until I am in the position to prove how good I am. This is just the first step on my long journey back to respectability. I love you, and I miss you. I don't know when we'll be able to Skype next, since my schedule is going to be hell again, but we'll make time for each other, I promise. Until then, Your Lex

She sent the message before rereading it, knowing that she wouldn't take a word of it back. Flipping onto her back, she stared at the ceiling as she thought about what was going to happen in the morning. She truly didn't want to see Erin so early in her return, but she also sort of wanted to rub her return in her face. Just as she was about to set the phone aside and settle in to sleep, the device vibrated in her hand, and Alex frowned as she looked at the screen, wondering just who was calling her at midnight.

Alex stared at the display screen for a few seconds, wondering just who was calling her at midnight. It was too weird a time for it to be a telemarketer, though it very well could be a wrong caller. Still feeling a little off kilter from her conversation with her father, Alex decided to just throw caution to the wind and answer it, knowing that even if it turned out to be a prank call, she could work out some of her irritation and anger on a stranger and not feel guilty about it. No matter what her conscience might say afterwards.

"Hello?" she answered shortly, still irritated by the fact that there was no number on the display, that it gave off the impression that the call was coming from a government number.

"Oh, hi, I think that I might have called the wrong number. This isn't Alex, is it?"

The voice sounded vaguely familiar to her, and she was thrown off by the fact that she was being addressed by name. Taking a deep breath, she answered once more. "Yes, this Doctor Alex Blake. Why?"

"I was just told to call this number and ask for Alex. I know that it's late, but this was the time specified to make this call. Do you know why that might be?"

There was real confusion in the caller's voice, along with a softness that intrigued Alex. And once more, before she could stop her mouth, she began to speak. "I suppose that James might have asked you to call at this time, since this is when we always talk to each other when big life changes happen. Though I can't imagine why he wouldn't tell me that he was having one of his friends call."

"Perhaps he's been a bit too busy to mention that," the woman replied, and Alex nodded as she turned onto her side, grabbing the other pillow to prop beneath her head and offer her more support as she settled in for a conversation with this mysteriously familiar voice. "So, is there anything that you'd like to talk about? Or should we just call this a failed endeavor and I can go to sleep?"

"No, I think that I'd like to talk to someone who is entirely neutral towards me. Well, as much as a friend of James's can be. Unless you have to get to sleep?"

"No, I have time for you, otherwise I wouldn't have called. What's on your mind, Alex?"

She paused a moment before deciding to dive right into the crux of her issues. "I start a new job tomorrow. Well, not entirely new, but one I haven't worked in nearly two decades. I've wanted to be back ever since I was demoted and had my reputation dragged through the mud because someone I loved decided that I wasn't worth defending in her need to save her own skin."

"That's awful!"

"I know, and what hurts most is that I would have sacrificed anything for her if our situations had been reversed. I suppose that I should be grateful that I was at least able to stay on the East coast, and work with the Maryland field office of the FBI, as our other colleague was not quite so lucky. He was transferred out to the middle of nowhere, and then I never heard from him again. Not that I can blame him, since he was certain that fact that I retained a cushy job was due to the fact that I was having an affair with that woman. The ironic thing is that our affair had been over for decades by the point I was demoted, since life, you know?"

"I do. My parents were not supportive of gay people, and were quite glad that I married a man, after my sister expressed interest in forming a life with a woman when she was in graduate school. Prejudice and bigotry run deep in certain circles." The woman let out a wistful sigh. "But, more about why you should be happy about going back to your old job. What are you looking forward to the most?"

Alex chuckled a little at that neat turn of conversation, since it was so flawless. "You are a very positive person, aren't you?"

"I rather like focusing on the good things in life. The bad is what sticks with us for far longer than we'd like, and it's been said that it takes seventeen positive interactions to soothe away one negative one. So, what are you looking forward to most tomorrow?"

"Do you want the petty answer or the positive answer?"

"The positive one, please."

"All right. I am looking forward to getting to meet Agent Jareau. Currently, she is the only member of the team that I haven't met or worked with before. The other two are in England, working on some special assignment with Interpol. And I'm going to try and not let myself become intimidated by the fact that we now have a technical analyst to help run information for us, so that we can continue to work without as much downtime."

"That is a very good thing. So, how many people are on your team?"

"Including me? Seven, which again, will be a change. When I was last with the BAU, it was unusual for us to work in trios. Pairs or by ourselves was what was normal. My dad has already told me that I need to play nice, since he knows that I have the tendency to be a bit of a lone wolf."

"That has its place, but he's right, you have to pull your weight with your team. Do you have any idea what you'll be doing tomorrow?"

"I hope that we'll be headed right into the field, as I do not want to run into my former colleague. And I know, you want me to remain positive and all that, but when I think of Erin, I just feel like Mrs. White from Clue." The woman on the other end of the line stifled a giggle, which felt like giving her permission to barrel ahead with some venting. "She wants to make amends with me. I guess that she had developed a full blown drinking problem after I left the BAU, and hit rock bottom last December. She's reached out once a month since entering rehab."

"And how do you feel about that?"

Alex flipped onto her back and stared up at the ceiling. "I feel like I want to tell her to f*ck off and leave me alone, but that would be less than ideal in my current situation, since she is going to be my supervisor. Well, sort of. She's my boss's boss, so she'll be cracking the whip over him to keep us in line. A part of me wants to rip the band aid off the moment I return to work tomorrow and ask her, nicely, to stay out of my way. But another part of me wants to preen."

"Oh?"

"I know, that is petty of me, but I just want to show off how well I landed on my feet and that I've been able to move on and make a better life for myself despite the setbacks I faced. Oh, it would be so much easier if James was here, so that I could go over this with him. He knows the whole messy backstory, and would be able to tell me that my feelings are valid."

"He would be right, your feelings are valid. However, you have to think about if that validity is a good thing. You wouldn't want to cause strife on your first day back, right?"

She let out a deep sigh as she ran her free hand through her hair and nodded. "Yeah, yeah, I know. It would completely destroy everything that I have worked so hard for, and would accomplish nothing. I have to be the better person, even if I don't feel that way, because it will be better for everyone in the long run."

"I'm glad that you know what the best response is. That speaks to who you are as a person."

There was a note of affection in the woman's voice, and Alex frowned a little at the tone, since it almost felt like she knew her. Again, that weird feeling of déjà vu slithered down Alex's back as she wondered just how much James had told the caller about her. "My dad always insisted that our moral compass pointed towards true north, and I think that an upbringing like that doesn't easily go away."

"My parents tried to instill those same values in me, as well. I just learned a bit of ruthlessness from my father, and that streak never seemed to fully go away, no matter how much I tried to ignore it and be the better person. Though my job is such that a little ruthlessness helps smooth certain greasy wheels. I don't particularly like that, but I do what must be done to keep others safe."

There was another pause as Alex thought of something to say in reply. "Well, I don't think that you can be that ruthless, since you sound very nice and have admonished me to stay above petty things in our short phone call."

"Umm, sometimes I feel like I'm better at nudging people to be their better selves than I am at following that advice myself. Though that often seems like the way life goes, we're all much better at giving the advice that we most need to take ourselves."

That was very true, and Alex nodded a little as she turned back onto her side once more, trying to stifle the yawn that was coming to her lips. "Well, I hope that you have a good evening, but I really should be getting to sleep now. I have to wake up early, since the commute into Quantico will take so much longer than my commute to campus, and I have no idea what time I should leave yet so that I'm early, but not too early."

"Oh, I remember those days! You don't want to be seen as too eager, but you don't want to be seen as just there for the paycheck. It, it was really nice to talk to you, Alex. Do you think that we could do this again?"

Alex drew in a deep breath before she answered the woman's question. "I think that I'd like that. It has been really good to talk to someone who doesn't know me and therefore cannot judge me. But you'll have to be the one who calls, since your number isn't showing up on my phone."

"Oh, yes, sorry about that. I'm calling on my work phone, and it's blocked automatically. I'll give you a call in a few days, then, to let you settle into your new job, and then follow up with you to see how things are going. Sleep well, Alex."

Before Alex could reply to the woman, she had hung up, leaving Alex to stare at the phone in frustration as she plugged the device in and turned off her lamp before pulling the sheet up to her shoulders and letting out a satisfied sigh. There had been something so lovely about communicating with another person, and she wished that she could find that same connection with someone in her life that wasn't connected to her job. It was kind of James to at least think of her, but that didn't necessarily translate into a good friendship with someone who's name she didn't even know. The next time that the woman called, Alex would make certain to ask for her name, especially since the woman knew hers. "I am going to have to remember to ask James about the call, too, and thank him for thinking of me," she murmured as she made herself comfortable on the bed and closed her eyes, settling quickly into sleep as she thought about what the next day would bring for her.

Alex took one last look at her reflection in the mirror before checking to make certain that she had a number of hair ties in her pocket if they needed to go out in the field for any reason. Picking up her go bag, she left the bathroom and made her way down to the kitchen, filling up her travel mug with coffee before heading out the door. Thankfully, it was a nice day, so the quick walk to the subway station was pleasant. She took that as a sign that her first day back with the BAU would be a good one, and she smiled lightly as she fairly skipped down the stairs, swiping her metro card before choosing a place to wait for the train.

After getting settled in a seat, Alex sipped at her coffee and took out the latest journal that had come to her house, turning towards an article written by one of her colleagues and reading it with interest. To her shock, Alex found that it was a good use of time, as she had arrived at her stop in Quantico much quicker than she had anticipated. Dog earring the page she had left off on, Alex shoved the journal under her arm as she got off the train and hurried over to a bench so that she could put it back in her bag before shouldering it and making her way down to the building.

Passing an open café along the way, Alex couldn't help but stop in and get a fresh cup, since there was ample amount of time before she had to be in the bullpen. And it was also easy to pick up a rather large blueberry muffin, her stomach reminding her that she hadn't eaten yet that morning. It was a little difficult to eat and walk, but she made it work, knowing that she couldn't afford to be short with her teammates on her first day. Throwing away the bag, she made her way inside and over to the elevators, riding up to the sixth floor with a number of other people, wondering if any of them were Agent Jareau.

"Alex!"

Her head shot to attention at the sound of her name, and she finally found David Rossi giving her a wide grin as he came over to her side. "I was very surprised to hear that you were rejoining us. I see that you have your go bag. Are you ready to hit the ground running?"

"We have a case already?" she asked, allowing him to guide her into the bullpen. From the corner of her eye, she noticed Erin lurking in the background, and she fixed a sharp look on her before focusing her attention on Rossi. "I suppose that I'm ready to turn around and head right out."

Rossi chuckled as he shook his head. "It won't be that quick, Alex. We have to go through a briefing of the case, which Jen will give, since Kitten is still in England with Morgan."

"Kitten?"

"I'm sorry, Garcia. You'll find out soon enough that we give each other nicknames around here, as it helps to reduce some of the stress that we face. And do you have a desk yet?"

"Ron mentioned something about Aaron showing me where I should settle into?"

"Oh, I assumed that the two of you weren't talking still," he replied.

"Hotchner, Rossi. Aaron Hotchner."

He gave her a long nod before winking, and that caused her to frown a little as he brought her over to a clean desk. "This was Emily's old desk, and it's still empty for you to use. Unless you prefer to use a different one?"

"This will be fine, I know that there's not as much room in here for me to be picky. I'll have to bring in a few things to make it more homey when we're home from this case." He nodded as Alex took a seat in the chair and took a look around at the surroundings. There was room for pictures, and she knew that she would have to bring in a few of James, to remind her that there were other things than sticking it to Erin that she was back with the BAU for. "Give me a second?" she asked as she looked up at Rossi, and he smiled and nodded.

Taking a deep breath, she opened up her bag and pulled out her pocketbook and keys before sticking the attaché case in the bottom drawer and then getting up. "You can leave your bag here, too. I think that Jen has a tablet ready for you, but if not, I can have Kevin source one for you before we head out. We usually have about thirty minutes between the end of the briefing and when the jet leaves, so there's a bit of time."

"I'd forgotten that we have a jet at our disposal now. That has to be pretty swanky."

He chuckled as he nodded, placing his hand on the small of her back as he guided her upstairs. "It is really nice to not have to wait on commercial travel. Now, Hotch's office is right next to Garcia's office, and mine is next to his," he said as they passed three doors on her left, "and this is our briefing room. Thankfully, I am not the one in charge of running the projector, because while Garcia makes it look so easy, even Hotch fumbles with the remote when he takes over. That's one of the things that you'll have to get used to, as well. She…doesn't react well to all the gore and horror that we see on an every day basis."

"Then how did she come to be attached to the BAU? That's almost a given that we see the worst that society has to offer?"

"She was given the choice of us or the CIA, and we were the lesser of two evils. She even handed me her resume printed on pretty pink paper."

A familiar low voice spoke behind them, and Alex turned to look into Aaron's face, giving him a tender smile as she nodded. "So she's scary good with computers."

"Yes. I've heard her threaten to wipe a person's online history from the face of the planet, and I have no doubts that she could do so, if provoked enough. Thankfully, Morgan and I are able to keep her in line. Dave here just encourages her."

He sheepishly shrugged his shoulders before taking a seat at the table, and Alex swallowed a giggle as she shook Aaron's hand. "That does not surprise me in the least," she said as she took a seat next to Rossi, feeling comfortable with him. "Now, where are we headed out to?"

"Alabama," a soft, high pitched, voice said, and Alex looked over at the doorway to see a very young, blonde, woman entering. "You must be Alex Blake. I'm Jennifer Jareau," the woman said as she extended her hand. The handshake was firm, and Alex nodded a little before taking the tablet from Agent Jareau's hand. "You can call me JJ, everyone else does, since I know I have a long name. I also respond to Jen, though Rossi's usually the only one to call me that. Do you have a preference?"

"Alex will be fine," she replied with a small smile as she began to scroll through the information that was already on the screen. "Well, this will be an interesting case."

"That's what we say about a lot of what we see," JJ said as she handed around tablets to the rest of the team, and Alex gave a small wave to Spencer as he took a seat at the table next to Aaron. It would take a few moments for her to grow accustomed to calling the man Hotch, since she was so used to addressing him by his given name. "All right, let's get this briefing started."

Alex nodded as she picked up a pad of paper and pen from the middle of the table and took copious notes, following along with the information on the tablet as well. It was a bit dizzying to realise just how much things had changed in the time that she had been gone, but there was something that felt so right about the way that it felt to be back to work. Suddenly, she was grateful that there were only a few of the team here, since she knew that she was going to be a bit emotional, even if it didn't show on her face that clearly.

"All right, everyone, wheel's up in thirty," Hotch said as he got to his feet. "Alex, you'll ride with me and Dave to the airfield."

She nodded as she stood up, tugging at the hem of her blazer a bit awkwardly. "All right, I'm ready to follow you," Alex responded as she fell in line next to Rossi, heading out into the hall. The men made their way over to their offices while JJ and Spencer went down into the bullpen. She felt a little lost for a moment, and she took a deep breath as she made her way down to her new desk and took a seat there. Staring at her monitor, Alex realized that she hadn't thought to ask for a log in. Pulling out her notes, she quickly scrawled a reminder to ask Hotch for that information when they returned, knowing that she would also have to set up a new work email. Unless the other technical analyst had already done that for her, which would make things a lot easier.

"Ready to go, kiddo?"

"We are not starting with that nickname again, David. Am I clear?" He nodded as he chuckled and she got to her feet, picking up her bag and following him out to the elevators. Erin was there once more, as if she had been waiting for them to come out, and she felt her face tighten into a hard expression as Rossi pressed the down button on the elevator.

"All right, I suppose that I can live with Alex. So, how has life treated you in the last few years?"

"It's been weird. James is gone so much with MSF, that our marriage is, for all intents and purposes, a Skype relationship. That took some getting used to, but I find that it's nice to be able to talk with him for hours at a time."

"Really?" he asked as they stepped into the elevator. "You carry on hours long calls?"

Alex rolled her eyes as the doors started to slide closed, her gaze being caught and held by Erin's in that last moment before they started downwards. "I do know how to talk, I just prefer to let others do the majority of the talking. And that works quite well when dealing with unsubs." He nodded as he scratched at his beard. "And you? How has life treated you? Are we on wife number seven yet?"

"Haha, very funny. I've had three marriages, and my current partner doesn't want to get married any time soon, which suits me just fine. I want to see if we can make things work without the bonds of marriage, if this lasts. It's only been four months, after all."

"Hey, I've known people who've gotten married after four hours, so…"

"That is not for me, at all. I need something better than amazing sex to bond me with someone, and I feel like there are going to be issues in this relationship that might break our bond before we even consider taking things to an engagement, let alone a marriage."

Alex nodded as she drew in a deep breath through her nostrils. "I hope she realizes that she has a great guy."

"She's a great woman." He smirked a little, and Alex had to wonder just what he was thinking of, but then reconsidered wanting to know those thoughts. "So, any questions about your new old job?"

"Yes. I need a login for the computer, as well as a new work email, since I'm assuming that my old one was closed down when I stopped working with the Maryland field office and focused solely on my teaching career. How do I go about getting that?"

"I'll have Hotch contact Lynch and have him set that up for you while we work on this case. By the time we're home, everything should be in order. Sound good?" She nodded and gave him a smile as she pulled out her phone and looked at the time, mentally readying herself for jumping right back into the life of a profiler.

It was their second night in Alabama, and Alex found herself strangely exhausted by the pace that they moved at, as it was much different than the pace she normally worked at. Her brain was alive, though, with all the connections she was making, and the buzz was electrifying. Still, she couldn't help but feel like they were all behind the eight ball by the time they returned to the hotel that evening.

"Is it normal to feel this exhausted?" she asked as she peeled off her blazer and hung it up in the closet so that it wouldn't wrinkle.

"Pretty much, yeah. I felt like I was running on empty for the first six weeks after returning from maternity leave. But eventually you get used to the pace once more. Do you want to hop in the shower first? I'd really like to call home to Will and Henry before it gets much later."

Alex nodded as she rummaged around in her bag for her toiletries, grabbing her pyjamas before making her way into the bathroom and closing the door. She had read an email from James last night before going to sleep, telling her that he was doing well in Gabon, but that it would most likely take him longer than anticipated before wrapping up his stint there. That had been disappointing, especially because she couldn't call him, now that she was out in the field. Peeling off her clothes, she let them drop to the floor before stepping into the shower and turning the water on. JJ was lucky that she was able to call her partner, since they were only separated by an hour, rather than the seven that now separated her and James.

As she washed her hair, Alex sighed, hoping that she might get a call from James's friend, but not anticipating that. Especially since a midnight call would be eleven for her now, if the friend was in her regular time zone. Shaking her head of those thoughts, Alex finished up her shower and then turned off the water, wrapping a towel around her body before turbaning another around her hair. After drying off her legs and arms, Alex worked lotion into her skin and then changed into her pyjamas before folding up the towels and making her way back into the main room.

JJ was still on the phone with her family when Alex dropped onto the free bed, grabbing the book she'd selected from the meager selection that had been left behind from previous guests and starting to read, ignoring as best she could what JJ was saying, so as not to eavesdrop. Soon enough, the conversation was over, and JJ then plugged her phone in before heading into the bathroom, closing the door and stepping into the shower. Alex chuckled a little when she heard the younger woman start to sing off key, the flaw endearing her to Alex, since she had thought she was perfect. The small flaw made her less intimidating, and Alex let out a small puff of breath as she snuggled into the mattress as she tried to lose herself in the book.

She had become so engrossed that she hardly noticed JJ come back into the room, though she did blush a little when she caught sight of the fact that the woman had changed into a skimpy camisole and shorts. "I am going to fall right to sleep, so have a good night, Alex."

"Thanks, JJ." She gave the woman a small smile before continuing on with her book, finding her mind still a bit too wound up to go to sleep just yet. The quiet of the room settled into her bones and so it was a shock when a few hours later that silence was broken by the sound of her phone ringing. JJ groaned a little as she sat up, and Alex scrambled out of bed. "Sorry!"

"Who is calling you at midnight?" the woman groused, and Alex made a little sound of confusion as she picked up her phone and answered.

"Give me one moment," she hissed into the device as she hurriedly jogged over to the balcony and let herself out onto it, sinking down into the chair in the far corner of the balcony, shivering a little as the cool wind caressed her body. "Sorry, I'm out in the field and sharing a room. Why are you calling so late at night, James?"

"Sorry, this isn't James, it's me again. I heard that you were in Alabama, so I thought I'd try to keep a normal schedule for you. How are you doing on your first case back?"

Alex relaxed a little as she settled deeper in the chair. "It's going well. Do you mind if I set you down for a moment? I want to grab a blanket for our talk, as it's cooler than I expected out here."

"Of course, Alex."

She smiled a little as she set the phone on the table next to the chair and hurried inside, glancing at JJ's bed, hoping that she had fallen back to sleep. From the delicate snore, it appeared that she had done just that, and Alex quietly grabbed the quilt off her bed and dragged it outside before sinking back into the chair once more, wrapping the fabric around her body before picking up the phone and speaking once more. "Sorry about that wait. What time is it for you?"

"A little after one."

"So you are back home."

"I am on the East Coast, yes. I had forgotten that Alabama was an hour behind us."

Alex let a soft chuckle escape her lips as she nodded. "You could have called at midnight your time. I mean, when I eventually head out to California, or God forbid, Hawaii, the time difference is going to be killer for you."

"I will make it work, don't worry about that. Now, this case?"

Alex let out a deep sigh. "I feel like I'm holding the team back. I'm slower with my responses, and I just don't feel like I'm up to par. I feel like I'm a community theatre player stepping into a professional stage show that's already opened, and I don't know my lines."

"Have you talked to anyone on the team about the way you feel? Like you unit chief?"

She shook her head a little before looking up at the moon. "I don't want to admit that I'm floundering? Because they expect me to be good, to keep up. I worked so hard to get to a point where I could be considered for this position once more, that it makes me feel like I'll be asked to leave before I can really show my worth."

There was a brief pause before the woman on the other line answered, and Alex tightened the quilt around her shoulders as she waited for the reply. "I think that you're being a little too hard on yourself. You have the skills necessary to be a success with the BAU, otherwise they would never have accepted your resume, correct?"

"Yes."

"Then, you have to start trusting yourself and have a little more confidence. You are worthy of being where you are, and I think that you know that deep down. How much sleep have you gotten while there?"

"Last night was rough," she admitted, thinking about how unaccustomed she was to hearing another person in the bedroom with her. James and she had existed in a Skype marriage for so long that it was odd to hear the soft noises that JJ made in the night. "I mean, it's not like JJ talks in her sleep, or anything like that, but the small, quiet, noises that she makes have just thrown me off a little. She's asleep already, so it will be interesting to go back in there and try to drift off myself."

"This could be practice for when James comes back to you."

The woman had a point, and Alex nodded as she rubbed her lips together. "That is a good point. I just don't want her to feel bad about keeping me awake. And I assume that she's accustomed to Emily being her room partner."

"Oh?"

"Yes. And this is going to sound like I'm judging her, or like I'm a prude, but she's a little more open with her body than I anticipated. Or I'm a Victorian grandmother for wearing a lounge pants and a long sleeve nightshirt. But I felt like I was ogling her for noticing the fact that she was in short shorts and a camisole."

The woman laughed a little. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't giggle at your discomfort, but how old is this JJ?"

"If I had to guess, she's probably just thirty? Or else she has a baby face."

"That's the crux of the matter, then. She's young and free. But just because you took a look at what she's wearing doesn't mean that you're ogling her. That would involve staring at her long enough to make her feel uncomfortable, and you do not seem like a person who would do that. So, to distract your mind from that, how close do you think you are from catching the bad guy?"

Alex let out a long, defeated, breath. "It feels like we're no closer tonight than we were yesterday. JJ keeps saying that it will be better when Garcia is back from London next week, since she's faster at the searches than Kevin is, but I don't see how that will make that large a difference."

"You'd be surprised. If this Garcia is the normal person they work with, there is probably a rapport there that helps everyone to cut unnecessary fluff."

"I didn't think about that. Thank you." She paused a moment. "You know, I've been talking a lot about myself, but you haven't really said anything about yourself. What's going on in your life?"

"Things are a little stressful, I won't lie. That's also why I called you, since I wanted to distract myself from my personal problems. I have a small issue at work that is bleeding into my private life, and I don't foresee a solution to the problem coming any time soon. I keep chipping away at the issue, but I just can't seem to get anywhere. I know that I have to give it time, but it feels like the amount of time has been more than sufficient. And for a normally patient person, having this impatience burning in my chest is odd."

There was something familiar about that word cadence, and Alex frowned a little before shivering in her chair. "Well, every problem has a solution, even if it isn't one that we want to admit is correct. Try to give it some more time. I miss James."

"And I miss my partner. But he's away on a business trip, so I have to wait until he returns. But it is nice when he does come back."

A slight blush stole across Alex's face before she replied. "I understand that feeling very well. When James comes home from his MSF assignment, we very often don't leave bed for a whole day. Or at least, we used to. Now, it feels like we're going through the motions of a marriage, and I can't find a way to bring that spark back to us. I don't want to admit that I'm settling into a friend love with him, even if that's what it feels like."

She yawned after saying that, vaguely hearing the woman sigh on the other end of the line. "Well, there is that song by Adele, right? About how sometimes love lasts and sometimes it hurts. Perhaps this is one of those periods of hurt. You'll never know until you talk to him."

"Again, you have a good point. And I'm sorry to cut off this conversation, just when it seems like we were getting somewhere, but I am about to fall asleep. I'll give thought to the things you suggested, thank you."

"Any time, Alex. Sleep well."

Once more, before Alex could reply, the woman had hung up, and she frowned at the phone as she bundled the quilt up in her arms and made her way back into the room, plugging her phone in to charge before turning it on silent and collapsing on the bed, barely having time to turn out the lights before she fell asleep.

Alex frowned and groaned as she pulled the quilt up higher around her shoulders, trying to ignore the person shaking her shoulder. "Just five more minutes, James. Please."

"I'm not James, there's been a break in the case, and Hotch wants us down in the breakfast nook in ten minutes. I let you sleep for as long as I could."

JJ's voice immediately caught her attention, and she sat up with a start. "Dammit, what time is it?"

"Just after seven, but like I said, there's been a break, so Hotch wants to head out as soon as possible. I'll make coffee for you down in the breakfast nook while you dress?"

Alex nodded as she pushed away the covers and slipped out of bed. "Thank you so much, JJ. I'll take it black this morning, since there's not time to really make anything fancy." JJ nodded and left the room, and Alex shook her head a little as she tore off her pyjamas and hurriedly dressed before dragging a brush through her hair and tying it back with the first hair tie her fingers touched. "There's no time for makeup this morning, Lex," she told herself as she pocketed a lipstick and mascara, knowing that she could at least apply that in the car while one of the others was driving.

By the time she arrived in the breakfast nook, it was only JJ and Rossi left there, and she frowned as she accepted the cup from the woman's hands, sipping at the coffee as she waited for an explanation. "Hotch took Reid already, since Rossi here offered me up to drive. Never forget that, Alex. He will weasel out of driving as often as he can, since he's become accustomed to the cushy life."

"Hey, I have to drive everywhere when I'm home. Can I help it if I like being chauffeured out here? Besides, as an accomplished author, I have grown accustomed to the good life."

Alex could tell by the way he spoke that he was teasing just as much as JJ was, and she gave them both a small smile as they went out into the parking lot and over to the other SUV. Alex automatically went for the back, only for JJ to shake her head and point to the passenger seat. Taking a deep breath, she nodded and slipped in next to the woman as Rossi got into the back. "I take it there's something that you want to ask me?" she said as she buckled her seatbelt, listening to JJ turn the vehicle on before she backed out of the parking spot.

"You would be correct. I have this vague impression that you received a call at midnight last night? Who would call so late?"

Alex blushed as she looked out the window. She didn't want to reveal something so personal about herself to JJ or Rossi, since she wasn't certain that she understood the strange phone call friendship. Still, she knew that they were waiting for an answer, so she took a deep breath and answered. "It was James, he forgets about time changes sometimes. It's a six hour difference between us and Gabon, but this case makes it seven, and while it's a good time for him, it was not a good time for us. Still, it was nice to talk to him, since we don't get that much time together."

"You didn't talk long."

Alex sighed a little as she looked at Rossi in the rearview mirror, seeing that he was watching them with interest. Frowning a little, Alex slid her eyes away from the mirror to glance at JJ. "I actually went out onto the balcony so I wouldn't keep you up. It's not fair that I would keep you up with my conversation. Even if it was a little cool outside."

Rossi chuckled in the back seat. "You'll need to bring warmer clothes with you next time, then. If you think that he'll call again."

"He might, and I'll keep that in mind, especially as we get further into autumn." That seemed to be the catalyst for the discussion to turn to the case, and Alex listened as Rossi filled them in on the break in the case, and Alex knew that they would definitely be home by the evening. It was so easy to go into work mode, the words of James's friend ringing in her head that she was more than capable of doing this job, and that she deserved her position here.

By the time they arrived at the police department, Hotch and Reid were outside waiting for them, and they jumped in the vehicle as soon as JJ threw it into park. "All right, we're heading to this address, as the unsub has holed up inside his former partner's house and is holding him hostage. When we get there, Alex, I want you and Reid to work on getting him to stand down."

"Why us two, Hotch?" she asked once JJ had plugged the address into the GPS.

"Your dynamic is much like the one that he has with his former partner. He's older, has a PhD, and the unsub is Reid's age, also with a PhD, and so I'm hoping that we can exploit that dynamic here."

She nodded as she settled back in the seat, listening to the others discuss the case, taking mental notes of how she wanted to react to the unsub once they were at the residence. JJ came in a little hot next to a group of police cruisers, and Alex tried not to react how she felt before clambering out of the vehicle and heading to the back, grabbing the vest that Hotch handed to her. There was something about the heavy weight that felt a little too real, and she had to take a few calming breaths in order to not freak out. Still, Rossi clapped his hand on her shoulder, offering her a little bit of comfort before she and Reid went up to the door, her hand on the butt of her gun, ready to pull it out at a moment's notice.

"Jericho Baker, you need to come out!" she said in a strong voice, only for Reid to start grousing next to her about being so forceful. It was all part of the act, and she gave him a small nod as they started to bicker a little, setting up the drama that they wanted to play out. It worked soon enough, and the front door creaked open, the officers at their sides drawing their weapons in case anything hinky started going down. "Jericho?"

He nodded, giving them a wary look. "What do you want?"

"Can we come inside and talk?" Again, Alex tried to sound authoritative, which seemed to get Jericho's attention, and he nodded once more before opening the door a little wider, allowing them to enter. Alex took the lead, letting Reid follow her, the sound of the door closing sounding all too loud in her ears. "Where's Leland?"

"In the living room. He's fine, I wouldn't hurt him, I just needed a place to think about what my next move would be."

"Things got too quickly out of hand, didn't they?" Reid asked as they went into the living room, and Jericho nodded as they saw Leland sitting on the sofa, his hands tied behind his back. "I feel that way, too, being the youngest on my team and the smartest in the room. I just want people to recognize me for how much better I am than they are. Thankfully, I have people like Alex who pull me back from that ledge and we don't end up here. I think that you need to let Leland go. You don't really want to hurt him, do you?"

Jericho shook his head, and Reid reached out to help Leland to his feet before taking him from the room, leaving Alex along with the unsub. It was an uncomfortable feeling, but she didn't see a weapon in his hands, so she tried to play things cool. "And I think that you know where we go from here, Jericho. You have to face up to the bad decisions that you made."

"I know. I just didn't realise that one small wrong choice would lead to the FBI coming after me." He held out his wrists, and Alex quickly cuffed them before tucking her hand into the crook of his elbow and marching him over to the front door. From there, the police department took over, and Alex let out a long breath of relief as she slumped her shoulders and followed Reid back to the SUV.

"All right, let's head back to the hotel, and I'll call our pilot to let him know that we'd like to leave within the hour. Thank God for unsubs who realise their mistakes," Hotch said as he took the keys from JJ and got behind the wheel. Alex nodded as she climbed into the back with Reid and JJ, knowing that Rossi would be most comfortable sitting next to Hotch. She closed her eyes and listened to the two conversations that were going on around her, their voices soon lulling her into a light sleep.

"I took the liberty of packing your bag for you, Alex," she heard sometime later, and she blinked her eyes open to see JJ smiling at her. "You were up too late last night talking!"

"And I'm not used to these hours yet. Give me a few more cases, and I won't do this again. Even if I do continue to get midnight calls." JJ nodded as she buckled her belt, and Alex gave her a small smile as Hotch drove to the airfield.

During the flight home, Alex allowed herself to listen to the rest of the team once more, still learning the dynamics between them. It seemed like there was some underlying attraction between JJ and Hotch, though she treated Reid like a little brother, which made sense, since he was the youngest of the team. Rossi was still a bit of an enigma, as he had changed since the last time she had worked with him. And Hotch was definitely more stoic than he had been the last time they had been together, though she attributed that to the fact he had lost his wife to an unsub. Letting out a little sigh, she pulled out her phone to scroll through her mail, not finding anything that needed her immediate attention, though she did notice that the technical analyst had sent over her credentials for a new work email, and had said that that would act as her login for the computer system as well.

By the time they were back in the bullpen, Alex had her new email set up, and had changed the password to something that was easier for her to remember. She was so preoccupied in her phone that she almost ran into Erin, and she gave the woman a withering glance as she hurried past her and made her way over to her desk. That look seemed to cause her to back off, which was exactly what Alex was going for, and she took a seat behind her desk and booted her computer up, quickly signing into the mainframe with her user name and password, letting out a small sigh of relief when it worked.

"How did you find your first case back?"

Alex looked up into Hotch's face and gave him a small smile, gesturing for him to take a seat on the edge of her desk. "It was tiring, but I expected that, since I have to grow accustomed to the pace once more. It felt so good to bring in the unsub today with such little fuss, and I know that that's not the usual course of events."

He nodded, his face never relaxing for a moment. "That is very much the case, yes. I'm glad that we had a relatively easy case to welcome you back to the team, but that usually means the next case we go out on will be the complete opposite. So, rest up tonight, as we could very well hit the ground running tomorrow morning. You don't need to be here until nine, but I'd appreciate it if you finish up your report this afternoon before you leave for the day."

"Hotch, you're talking to a researcher who has to pull together articles with a week's notice sometimes, I think that I can finish a simple report in a few hours." That did cause him to break into a small grin, and she chuckled in return as she began to work on that report, knowing that she could get it completely finished before the end of the day.

It had actually taken two days before they headed out on a new case, and from the look on Hotch's face when he had called them together for the briefing, Alex knew that it would not be a good one. And then the pictures on the screen had proven those feelings right. Since it had been so long since she had been with the BAU, she had unconsciously flinched to see what the unsub was doing to the women he killed. "All right, wheel's up in twenty," Hotch said when he had finished briefing the case, and she could tell by the set of his shoulders that he was not looking forward to this case.

Nodding, she followed JJ out of the conference room, and after they had made their way down to her desk, the younger woman turned to her, giving her a slightly nervous smile. "I really wish that Morgan and Garcia were back for this case. Being two members down is not going to bode well on this one."

"When are they returning?" she asked as she scooped up her go bag and walked with JJ over to her desk.

"In a week. And I know, if we had caught this case a week later, the unsub would probably have chosen another victim, so we want to head in as soon as possible. I just feel more settled when we have everyone. Even you've become a part of the team in short order. I just wish you'd talk a little more, because I feel like a chatterbox."

Alex shrugged as they made their way out to the elevators, letting JJ press the down button. "I'm not much for talking, I'm sorry. I feel like we can learn more from situations by listening. And anything you say to me, dies with me."

"That's good to know. We protect each other here, because we need to work well together. And don't worry, once Garcia is back, you won't have me chattering away in your ear, since we talk a lot. Probably more than is healthy. I think that you'll like her."

"She sounds lovely. But what about Agent Morgan? Is there anything that I should know about him before they get back next week?" she asked as they stepped into the elevator, and JJ gave her an almost wicked smile. "That does not seem encouraging."

"He's a good guy, he's helped me grow as an agent, but there are times when he can be a complete jackass." Alex nodded a little, trying to encourage JJ to say more. "There was a time when Hotch had to step down as our Unit Chief, and Strauss chose him, of all people, to step up to the leadership position. Or at least, Hotch made it feel like it was her choice. Life goes easier for us when she thinks she gets her way."

Alex was unable to stifle her laugh as she nodded, and JJ tilted her head to one side as she gave her a look. "I suppose that I have to answer that look, don't I?" JJ nodded. "Erin and I have history, it's not something I would like to discuss, but I'm certain that Hotch or Rossi could fill you in on the details, if you asked. But I do know, full well, that keeping Erin happy can make life easier for everyone involved."

There was an unintentional wistfulness in her voice that she knew JJ picked up on by the way her expression softened, and Alex took a deep breath as she prepared herself for another round of questions. "Can I ask a personal question?"

"You may ask, I just may choose not to answer."

"Fair enough," JJ replied as they stepped out of the elevator. "I'll drive to the airfield today, so that we can continue this conversation." Alex nodded a little as she followed close to JJ, not knowing what her car looked like. "So, just like you, I can keep things close to the vest. There are some things that I haven't ever told the team. Are, are you someone who likes both apples and bananas?"

Alex glanced over to see that the younger woman's cheeks were bright red with embarrassment, as if she was afraid that she would react negatively to the subtextual question. "I do happen to like both fruits, however, my parents, particularly my mother encouraged me in one direction. And before you ask, I will not answer any further questions regarding Erin and myself. There are some things that I would like to keep private, no matter what you might think about the truth of matters."

JJ gave her a small smile as she unlocked her car, and Alex smiled back as she stowed her go bag in the back seat before settling into the passenger seat. "It's okay, just so you know. It just feels good to have someone else know about my fruit preference."

"It is hard to keep certain things locked away in our hearts," she murmured absently as JJ drove to the airfield. Her driving was slightly better than the last time she had been behind the wheel, which made Alex feel a little better. "Now, here's hoping that we can close this case quickly. I don't like being even further out of sync with James."

"I know. This will make things awkward for me to talk to Henry before he goes to sleep, since his bedtime will be five, Seattle time. That's the one thing that I don't like about this job."

"I understand," she replied before she could call those two little words back, and she hoped that JJ wouldn't ask if she had children. She didn't want to talk about Ethan, not with anyone. Even if she knew that Erin would ask after him, if they ever got to speaking terms again, which Alex considered as likely as Hell freezing over. "Have you ever thought about having another child?"

She didn't know what possessed her to ask such an intrusive question, but it was now out in the open for JJ to decide to answer or not. There was a long pause, and when Alex slid her eyes over to look at the woman, she saw the tight set of her jaw as she took a few deep breaths. "The time just hasn't ever been right," she finally replied as she pulled into the parking lot of the private airfield, and before Alex could say another word, she was parking the car and hopping out, fairly running over to the plane and boarding it as she shoved her bag into Reid's arms.

Alex was slower at getting out, wanting to give JJ some space, and she locked the doors after grabbing her bag. Heading over to the jet, she gave Rossi a small smile as he took it from her hands, and she boarded with her tablet in hand, knowing that she didn't need anything else to occupy her time during the flight. Climbing the stairs, Alex tried to prepare a suitable apology for the gaffe she'd made, only to see that JJ was already seated next to Hotch, talking about the case, and she let out a small sigh as she took a seat across the aisle, knowing that Reid and Rossi would want to sit across from the other two members of the team.

As she waited for the everyone to get settled, and the jet to take off, Alex allowed herself to get lost in thought. There was something about this case that she knew was going to test her mettle, since from the briefing, she knew that it was a lot more brutal than their case in Alabama. And suddenly, she wondered if Hotch had deliberately chosen for them to take a softball case in order to ease her back into profiling. Alex certainly hoped that that was not the case, since that insinuated that he didn't think she was truly capable of just diving into the perfidy that was human nature. I hope that my midnight caller is able to call tonight. I truly need to get these things off my chest, she mused. She didn't want to think about why she needed that connection, since that would require her to do some soul searching about the fact that she couldn't talk to those closest to her, but she could certainly open herself up to a stranger and just bleed her feelings and frustrations out all over them. James would say that it only made sense, because talking to the ones she loved meant that she had to put herself out on a limb, and she hadn't truly done that since Erin had broken her.

A pair of snaps caught her attention, and Alex shook her head to see Rossi sitting across from her, a sheepish smile on his lips. "Sorry, Alex, I didn't mean to be rude, but nothing seemed to be getting your attention. Hotch wants to start working on a preliminary profile, so that we can hit the ground running, so to speak."

She nodded and turned the chair so that it was better facing them, calling up the notepad app on the tablet and taking notes on the things that the others were saying, still feeling hesitant to share her thoughts with the others, even though she knew that they wouldn't judge her. There was this perfectionist streak inside her, though, that whispered for her to keep things close to the vest still, at least for one more case. Once they had finished gathering their thoughts and dissecting the few facts that they had, they broke into individuals once more, and Alex curled up in her seat as she angled her body towards the window and stared at her notes, comparing what they'd gone over with the crime scene photos. It seemed like the police had taken too long to call them in, as the number of known victims was in the double digits.

"So, is there anything that you'd like to discus with me?"

Alex looked up to see that Hotch had taken the seat across from her, while the others were occupied with their tablets, or in Reid's case, taking notes on paper as he rifled through paper copies of the case file. She drew in a deep breath as she stared at him for a few seconds longer, trying to figure out what he wanted to her to say. "I can't think of anything that we need to discuss, Hotch. Why?"

He gave her a penetrating look, and she squirmed a little under the gaze as she waited for him to reply. "You have been distracted all morning. That's not like you, from the little that we've worked together already. And from what I remember from beforehand. Is there something that I should know about? You mentioned that your husband was in Gabon, is he all right? Or has he run into an issue over there?"

It was almost like he was giving her an out, and she decided to run with that line of thinking, knowing that she didn't want to reveal that she was hoping to receive another midnight call while she was in Seattle. "He's fine, I'm just hoping that there is a time that he can call me while we're working this case. There is something about it that is just giving me that unsettled feeling in the pit of my stomach that things will not end well. And while I know that I can't discuss details with James, he is able to help talk me down off the ledge of my feelings. After all, we can't have an unstable agent out in the field."

He nodded and gave her the quickest, smallest, smile she'd ever seen, and she relaxed a little as he went over to the others once more, soon losing himself in a discussion with JJ. Their eyes met suddenly, and the younger woman gave her an almost anguished smile, and Alex nodded as she turned back to the window as she mulled over the details of the case, hoping that they would be able to catch the unsub quickly, even though she had a feeling that they would be in Seattle for quite some time.

Alex felt like she was crawling out of her skin by the third night in Seattle, and she knew that JJ was feeling the same way. They had hesitantly patched things up during the first night, and that was when she found out about the miscarriage JJ had had two years ago. She commiserated with her, telling her that she had experienced that loss as well, and it felt right to bond with her in that small way, especially since Alex could trust her not to say anything to anyone else. But as this case dragged on, it seemed like she wasn't going to receive that call she wanted.

Flopping over onto her side, she could see that JJ was out like a light, and she found herself jealous over the fact that she could so easily sleep. Letting out a small huff of breath, Alex turned onto her back once more and stared at the ceiling, feeling like she was close to tears. And then, at the stroke of midnight, her phone rumbled on the nightstand, and she picked it up with relief, accepting the call as she slipped from the bed and grabbed her robe. "Give me a few moments to get outside," she whispered as she shoved her feet into her flats and went over to the patio door, opening it was quietly as she could before closing it behind her and sinking down into a chair. "I am so glad that you called."

"Is it that bad?" her caller asked, and Alex nodded as she allowed a few tears to roll down her cheeks, knowing that no one could see her break down like that. "All right, tell me about it."

"I don't want to give you nightmares."

"I think that I can handle a few nightmares, if it gets this off your chest and allows you to rest easy. I can hear in your voice that you are exhausted. So please, go ahead and tell me everything that is on your mind. You'll feel all the better for it."

Alex nodded as she wrapped her robe around her lap, her feet curled up beneath her as she stared out at the night sky. "Everything started off awkwardly when I stepped into Agent Jareau's feelings by accidentally asking an insensitive question about whether or not she wants more children. I didn't realise that she also had lost a much wanted pregnancy, and I don't like to consider the fact that we're in the same group."

"It's a larger group than a lot of women realise, Alex."

"Oh."

"Yes. Well, I don't talk about it often, since it happened fifteen years ago, when everything in my life was going to hell, and it was another loss on top of everything else I was losing. But we're not discussing my issues, we're talking about you and why you feel so lost."

Alex filed away that piece of information about her caller, so that she wouldn't accidentally hurt her in the future with careless words. "It surprises me how clearly you can see things. So, after a long flight, where my supervisor decided to call me out on my distractedness, and I had to fight back embarrassment for three hours, we landed in Seattle, and I've felt like I haven't had a chance to breathe properly in three days. And this is going to sound so sad, but I was hoping that you would call sooner, so that I could start the case off on a little better note than I have. I feel like I'm behind the curve, that I'm pulling the others down, and I am not about to admit that to Hotch, because he already thinks that I'm just a flighty woman who's missing her husband. And that is the last impression that I want to give off, because I have to prove myself."

"To whom?"

The question caught her off guard, and Alex took a deep breath before swiping her free thumb beneath her eyes to flick away her tears. "To everyone, but most of all, Erin." Alex's voice broke on her name, and she swallowed thickly as she struggled to get control of her emotions once more, knowing that everything was coming to a head for her. This case, with the brutal murders, was getting beneath her skin so quickly, and she knew that she was about to breakdown completely. "I keep thinking that I'm back with the BAU just to prove to myself that I'm a good profiler, that the mistake I made with the Amerithrax case was just a blip on the radar. But seeing her in the bullpen, seeing the way she looked at me, I realized that I was fooling myself. I hate her, but I don't hate her. How does that even make sense? And it doesn't help that these victims look like her, or rather, the her that she was fifteen years ago. So everything feels off kilter, and I am trying to keep everything locked down, and I think I'm coming apart at the seams."

The torrent of words felt so right to release, even if it was the most she'd said to anyone in years. Not even her father had gotten this much out of her, and after James, he was the closest to her. The brief pause seemed too long to Alex's ears, and she felt a panic attack start in her chest, her breathing becoming more and more labored as she waited on the woman to answer. "I am so sorry that you're struggling like this, Alex. Before we talk about what you just told me, I think that you need to do something for me."

"What?" she gasped out.

"Set the phone down, stand up, raise your hands in the air, and take five deep breaths while counting to fifteen each time."

Frowning a little, Alex did as asked, letting the robe fall to the ground as she followed the directive. By the time she reached the fifth breath, she was feeling immensely better, and then she was curling up in the chair again, spreading the robe out on her lap as she picked the phone back up. "All right, I'm back."

"And you feel better, I can hear it in your voice. Now, this Erin, she's a former friend, I take it?"

"Friend, lover, colleague, boss. We were messy in a way that I never want to be messy ever again. That was why I locked everything down, my feelings, my words, everything. Because if I stay closed off from people, well, then I won't get hurt again. And I can see that I was completely wrong by coming back to the BAU, but I'm not going to admit that to her, or to anyone else. I can't afford to be seen as weak, simpering, and I know that she would just follow after me to ensure that I was all right, which is something that I don't want, either. I'm now stuck between that proverbial rock and hard place that everyone speaks of, and I don't know if I can find a way out that will ensure I have my heart whole in the end."

"All our hearts are made to be broken; we just have to find the people who can heal them in a way that makes them stronger in the end. You have your husband, which is great, but other than me, do you have anyone that you can talk to in depth? Sometimes, you need to have that face to face contact, to be able to reach out and touch a friend's hand as you pour out your feelings to them."

"It has been so long since I've had that sort of relationship with others. I have colleagues, yes, and maybe in time, Agent Jareau can become something akin to a friend, but for the moment, it's just James and you. And I don't even have a name to call you. You're just my midnight caller, James's friend, and my little secret, since JJ assumes that I've been talking to my husband at midnight, for me."

"You can call me Louise."

The quick answer took her aback, and she drew in a sharp breath, trying to place why that name, coming from a voice that sounded vaguely familiar, would set her off kilter. "Louise, eh. I might just shorten that to Lou."

"And you're deflecting now, Alex."

She let out a watery chuckle as she nodded. "I am, yes. It is very easy for me to do that, since I have used that to protect my feelings for a long time now. How do I get control of these feelings once more? I need to be cool, calm, and collected as we try to bring this unsub to justice. And it doesn't help that I am also worried about meeting Garcia and Morgan when we get back to Quantico. I'm assuming that we'll arrive after them, since we just can't catch a break with this bastard. And I don't want to lose another woman to his viciousness."

"You will take a deep breath, focus on bringing the unsub to justice. It won't be easy, but I know that you have the strength of character to push aside your wavering emotions and lead with your mind. And if you need to, you can probably talk to Agent Jareau about how things are going with this case. I wish that I could call you every night, but we would both soon be too exhausted to be any good at our jobs, and I think that your unit chief would not be happy with that outcome."

"You would be right. He throws his everything into these cases, and yet still has the time to be gentle with his child. I overheard a call that I don't think I was supposed to, and…well, it makes me miss my Ethan. Even if no one knows about him. I want to keep it that way, since I don't feel up to pity from the team, if that makes sense."

"It does, because sometimes you want to hold on to the memories of someone so tightly that letting anyone else in would mean diluting those memories. But if you ever do want to talk about him, my ear will be open. That's why I started calling, to let you know that you're not alone. Now, I hate to cut our discussion brief this evening, but I feel like I'm going to fall asleep on you at any moment. You have to be exhausted, too."

"I am, but I don't know if I'll be able to fall asleep right away. Can I ask something of you, Louise?"

"Of course."

"If I bring this conversation back into the hotel room, would you just stay on the line with me until I fall asleep? James is usually the one that I have do that with me, but I have had friends in the past who would just be there on the other end of the line. It's a childish request, I know, but it's something that I think I need tonight."

"I can do that, yes. Though I have the feeling that I'll be asleep first."

"You might just be right," she replied as she got to her feet and folded her robe over her arm as she made her way inside, taking care to lock the door before padding over to her bed and dropping down onto the mattress. "Louise?"

"Yes, Alex?"

"I just wanted to thank you for reaching out to me, even though you don't know me. It means quite a bit to me that you would throw your schedule off to keep things like they would be with James."

"You are more than welcome, Alex." There was something about that phrasing that felt familiar to Alex, but her brain was so fuzzy from exhaustion that she couldn't focus on that thought, allowing it to slip back into the darkness of her brain as she pulled the covers up around her breasts before plugging her phone into the charger and settling down into the mattress as she brought the phone to her ear once more. "Are you comfortable now?"

"I am."

"Good. Now go to sleep. We'll be here for each other through the night." The comfort in those words filled Alex's chest with a feeling of warmth that she knew would help her to fall all the more quickly to sleep, and she closed her eyes as Louise began to hum a light melody, her exhaustion soon dragging her down into the sweet blackness of sleep.

Alex was surprised by how rested she felt that next morning, since she had been up so late. JJ had questioned her a little about her call, since she knew that there had been a call, and Alex had managed to tell her that she had a good long talk with a friend, which helped to calm her spirit. That day had gone much the same as all the previous days, and by the time they returned to the hotel for the evening, Alex was tired, but not as exhausted as she had been.

"So, when do you think that we're going to catch a break in this case?" JJ asked as she plopped down onto the bed across from Alex, a weary look on her face. "Henry misses me, as this is the longest time I've been out in the field since I returned to the BAU."

"I hope that we are able to crack something, soon. We know that he has another victim at the moment, so I am hoping that we manage to catch him before he kills her. Even though her life will never be the same ever again."

JJ nodded as she crossed her legs beneath her and let out a deep sigh. "I think that's one of the hardest parts of this job. The ghosts of memories of what happened to us never fully go away. That was the reason that Emily had to escape when Clyde offered her a way out. I should have seen that she was drowning beneath the weight of what Ian Doyle did to her, but all I could focus on was the fact that both of us were back with our work family, and how right it felt, especially when Spence treated us so badly. I understood his anger, in time, but it still hurt, you know?" Alex gave her a small nod. "Well, I should probably prepare you a little more for Garcia's return. I was texting with her last night and she couldn't stop saying how much she was going to miss Emily when they leave London on Sunday. She's going to be jetlagged and curious and maybe a tad bit overwhelming. She is a lot, and her recent experiences will most likely just amplify that. I just…I want my work family to be at peace for a while. It was weird enough adding Strauss to the mix at my wedding."

That caught Alex's attention, and she stretched out on the bed, holding the extra pillow tight to her chest as she watched JJ copy her pose. "Tell me more."

JJ blew out a long breath as she clutched the pillow a little tighter. "So, I don't know if you wanted any coverage of the bank heist incident back in May."

Alex shook her head. "I was buried so deep in grading at that time, that I only vaguely remember hearing about it on the news. And from some of my students the next school day. What happened?"

"Everything," JJ said with a slight chuckle. "But long story short, my husband is a detective with the DC Metro police force, he and his partner responded to a bank robbery call, she was shot in the head, all the people inside were taken hostage, a few were killed, and then Will was taken hostage because he could help them evade capture. The bank blew up, I thought he had died, the ring leader tried to use my son as a pawn, and Will and Emily nearly were blown up in the train station because mayhem was the goal. But that doesn't explain Strauss's presence, does it?"

"No, it does not."

"She was called in by the director to oversee us, to try and manage the situation. She holed up with Garcia in the mobile command unit, but I was pleasantly surprised by the fact that she didn't get in our way a lot. Instead, she worked with Hotch and Rossi to get us the resources we needed to do our job. And then, when we were all gathered in the bullpen, she pulled Morgan to the side and talked to him for a little bit, and she was all smiles. It was weird to see, not going to lie. And then Hotch tells us all that Rossi is having a party the next evening, to wipe out the hard memories of the day. Only, he managed to cobble together a surprise wedding for me and Will in the course of a day. He even flew my mother down from Pennsylvania."

"That's what happens when you're a famous author."

JJ nodded as she chuckled. "Well, since Strauss and Rossi are an item, no matter how much they'll both deny it, of course she was there. And she danced with all the men there, along with Garcia, but that was because Garcia was drunk off her ass and was dancing with everyone in order to avoid Kevin. But…"

"Yes?" Alex asked, wanting to know what was making JJ so hesitant about just spitting an answer out and letting her know what was troubling her.

"There were moments, when she was in Rossi's arms, when she looked absolutely gorgeous. Like, if I had met her in that moment, with none of the baggage attached to us, I would have fallen for her. It makes no sense, she's not anywhere close to my type, but for just one fleeting moment, I wanted to bask in her glory."

Alex fell back onto the mattress, staring up at the ceiling of their room as she took a few deep breaths. "Erin does have that magnetic force about her, yes. It was stronger when she was younger, but that shouldn't surprise you. We're all more magnetic when we don't have to conform to the pressures that the world forces on us. Erin felt like she had to prove herself to the world at large, since she was competing with the memory of her dead brother, and so she all too quickly became hard and unyielding."

She broke off her words, suddenly realizing that she was revealing far too much about herself to JJ, and she didn't want to have that knowledge out there, where it could come back to haunt her. "So, I was getting a glimpse of who she really is?" JJ asked softly, and Alex turned onto her side so that she could look at JJ once more.

"Probably, yes. I haven't interacted with her since I returned to the BAU, and I don't have plans to do so any time soon. There is still too much bad blood between us for me to just extend my hand in forgiveness. She keeps trying, but I will not bend."

A slight smirk quickly slipped across JJ's lips, and Alex narrowed her eyes as she continued to gaze at the woman. A blush quickly followed the smirk, and Alex allowed an uncomfortable silence to develop between them, wondering if JJ would comment on the look she had given her. "I really cannot wait to see how you react to her for the first time, Alex. I have the feeling that when her unmovable force meets your unstoppable will, the fireworks that result will be a sight to see. Because for all that you label her as hard and unyielding, I have the feeling that you are just as stubborn. Not that that's a bad thing, but like I said. Fireworks."

"You are hilarious," Alex muttered sarcastically as she turned onto her back once more, closing her eyes as she listened to JJ start to settle down. "Did you want to call Will? I can head down to the lobby and read for a bit if you'd like privacy?"

"Too cold outside for you?"

She nodded as scooted up along the mattress until her back was resting against the headboard, drawing her knees up to her chest as she wrapped her arms around her legs. "I didn't want to disturb you by sneaking down to the lobby when I got my call, but it was really damp and cool. I probably should have worn the robe and brought out a blanket, but I didn't want to leave her waiting."

"I suppose that I can always bring earplugs to wear at night," JJ said, and Alex looked over in time to see her wink a little, and she smiled back. "But no, I don't mind if you hear tonight's conversation, since it's just a check in call. Will and I had a bit of a tiff over texts yesterday and today, and I'm still not ready to say that he might have been right. I don't want to give him that satisfaction."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. The longer I hold out, the better coming home will be, after all. Can I ask you something personal?"

"I rather like the fact that you ask before you ask, JJ." The other woman shrugged and Alex nodded before resting her cheek on her knees. "And again, you are welcome to ask, I just might not reply."

"Do you and James ever spice things up a little? I know, I know, it's a super personal question, and you're brand new to our team, but I'm used to having Emily here to talk about these things, and I miss that companionship. Will, well, he got used to it just being me after Emily left our team, and he's not happy that you're interrupting something that I didn't really feel all that comfortable doing in the first place?"

JJ's face was beet red by the time she reached the end of her rushed words, and Alex wasn't surprised to see her grab a pillow and bury her face in it, because she understood that it was a very personal topic to broach with anyone not as close to her as Emily clearly was. "Is that what your text fight was about?" she asked gently, and JJ hurriedly shook her head. "Well, if I might be a bit rude, he can go suck an egg. You don't owe him anything that you're uncomfortable with, and if you have to use me as an excuse not to do that, feel free. I am more than willing to be seen as the bad guy in that situation."

JJ peeked her eyes up over the pillow, and Alex felt her heart clench a little to see that there were tears glistening in her eyes. "Really?"

"Yes. Sex in marriage is just as much a negotiation as sex before marriage. You are always free to say no. And how many times have we told that to our survivors?"

"A lot."

"Exactly. But to answer your question, yes, James and I utilize Skype to take care of our more physical desires, along with our emotional ones. Though there is something to be said for skin on skin contact, and we've found that we much prefer that. Even if it is sometimes six months or longer between our intimate times together."

JJ nodded as she slowly opened her body up once more, a slightly peaceful look on her face. "Thank you. I suppose that I should make that call to Will now, before I fall asleep on my ass." Alex chuckled a little as she threw her feet over the bed and stood up. "Where are you going?"

"I'm actually going to take a quick shower. I'd rather you have a little privacy when you talk to him about this little issue, as it was embarrassing enough for you to talk about that in the first place, and I don't want you to feel more awkward."

"Are you certain?"

She nodded as she padded over to the bathroom, giving JJ a warmer smile as she opened the door. "Some things are better discussed in private. Though if you have any more stories about Garcia or Morgan that you'd like to tell me when you get off the phone, I'll be more than happy to listen." JJ dipped her chin in agreement as she picked up her phone, and Alex slipped behind the bathroom door, closing it before stripping off her pyjamas and stepping into the shower, turning the water on and allowing it to warm up as she tied back her hair, not wanting to wash it again.

There was something about the conversation that wouldn't leave Alex's mind, and as she washed her body, she thought about how she had very easily slipped into revealing personal information about herself, though JJ had also told her very personal things, so she considered it to overall be a win for her, since it bonded them in a way that would have the younger woman be on her side, should Erin press the issue of reconciliation between them. Alex just hoped that that wouldn't be the case, though, since she wanted to avoid Erin as much as possible for as long as she could.

Alex shook her head a little as she watched Hotch and Rossi wrestle their unsub into the back of a waiting police car. Their much needed break had come late in the afternoon on Sunday, and she was hoping beyond hope that they would be spending one final night in Seattle, as she did not want to drive home in the middle of the night. From the look on his face, though, that seemed to be a pipe dream, and she followed Reid over to the waiting SUV, climbing into the back next to JJ as they waited for the others to get back to them.

Rossi easily got into the passenger seat of the SUV, turning slightly to give them all a defeated look. "I have good news and bad news."

"Start with the good, Rossi," Reid hurriedly said before anyone else could respond.

"We're spending the night here. The bad news is that we are going to be heading out to the airfield at four in the morning."

"What? Why?" JJ protested as Alex's shoulders slumped tiredly.

"Hotch is on the phone with Strauss right now, and apparently, there's a bad case in Texas that needs our immediate attention. He'll give us more details as soon as we're back at the hotel, but I would suggest that we all pack and go to sleep as soon as we've finished eating. And I am definitely going to be sleeping on the plane home, as well, because it is going to suck to be on back to back cases."

"And there won't even be time to get fresh clothes for this case. I wish that I had taken the time to use the laundry room," JJ groaned, and Alex gave her a look. "What?"

"We're not leaving until the morning. There's still time to do washing. We could probably share machines and split the cost?"

"This is why we added another doctor to the group," JJ said with a smile and a quick wink. "Someone has to have a brain that still functions at the end of a long case."

"That is why I am paid the big bucks," she teased back, and JJ chuckled as they settled into their seats, Hotch climbing behind the wheel and started the SUV, quickly pulling out into traffic and speeding back to their hotel.

"All right, I am placing our standard order for Chinese as soon as we reach the hotel. Blake, what's your preference?"

"Beef and broccoli, and egg rolls." He nodded as he gave her a small smile before refocusing on the road. Somehow, Alex knew that he would remember her order, since that was one of the things that she knew about him. The drive was quick, since it was apparent that Hotch wanted to get back and prepare to leave, and Alex found herself staring out the window as the scenery passed them by. Glancing ahead, she saw that Rossi was texting with someone, and if she had to hazard a guess, it was Erin, since she knew now that they were a couple. For some strange reason, Alex felt a stab of jealousy prod her heart, and she frowned as she pulled out her own phone and sent off a quick text to James, letting him know that they had closed this case, but would be headed right out on the next one once they landed in Quantico the next morning.

"Well, there's one good thing about this case ending when it did," Reid said suddenly, breaking the silence of the car, and she looked over at him expectantly. "We'll be back to a full team for this case in Texas. While it's been nice to have a small group, Morgan and Garcia will make things feel complete."

Alex gave him a small smile as she nodded before looking back out the window once more. A small knot was forming in the pit of her stomach over the idea of meeting these new people, since she found that she worked well with the group as it was, even if she hadn't had to interact with Kevin at all. Sighing deeply, she let her head thump against the glass as the drive concluded.

It didn't surprise her that she and JJ were the first out of the vehicle, and she gave the woman a small smile as they opted for the stairs rather than wait for the elevator. "Do you want me to bundle everything up and run it down to the laundry room?" Alex asked as JJ unlocked their door. "That way you can at least call Will and let him know about what's going on, and I can give you some privacy."

"That would be great, Alex, thank you!"

She shrugged as she went over to her side of the dresser and gathered up all the soiled clothes, knowing that almost everything other than underwear was clean. Still, she decided to launder her undershirts as well, since they sat so close to her skin. With everything gathered up in her arms, she turned to JJ, accepting the load from her arms before stuffing them into her bag. "I'll sit down there with them, since there's this article that I want to read in my current journal. You have my number to text if you have any questions or instructions, yes?"

JJ nodded as she plopped down onto her bed, curling her legs beneath her rump as she pulled out her phone. "Yeah. Thanks again."

Alex was going to say something, but thought better of it when JJ began to scroll through her phone. Instead, she grabbed the journal off the nightstand and made her way back down to the ground floor. Thankfully, there wasn't anyone else in the laundry room when she arrived, and Alex tossed everything into the first machine, adding detergent before starting it and taking a seat in the comfortable chair in the corner. It was easy to curl up in it, and she sighed a little as she opened the journal and began to read from where she had left off. As she read, Alex heard a bit of commotion and looked up to see Reid had actually listened to her and JJ's conversation, as he was stuffing a bunch of clothes into the second machine. "That seems like a lot of clothes for just you," she said offhandedly as she turned the page on her article.

"Yeah, well, Rossi is good at passing off things in such a way that you don't realise you've been maneuvered into a corner until you're trapped. I'm not going to bother to sort everything out, since it's not like we can access the dry cleaning services at this late time. If he wants his boxers ironed, starched, and creased, well, he should have done this himself."

She let out a loud laugh as she folded down the edge of her page and set the journal in her lap as she looked at him. "So, this Morgan guy. What's he like? JJ has told me a little about Garcia, but hasn't been very forthcoming on him."

Reid came over to her side and sank down into the open chair, somehow managing to cross his legs comfortably as he did so. "He tries to be a good guy, but he can come off as a real jackass at times. Garcia is half in love with him, which he knows, but he'll never see her as anything other than his God given solace. She's not his type."

"Oh?"

"Yes. And it's going to end up with her getting hurt, which she doesn't deserve, because she is a ray of pure sunshine in this awful job. But we're not talking about her, we're focusing on Morgan. He thinks he's always right, and he'll never apologise when he's wrong. There was an incident when Jen was away from the team, but before Emily supposedly died, where he went to conduct a parole interview with a man accused of murdering his wife and daughter. He had always proclaimed his innocence, but there was no evidence at the time to corroborate that. And Derek listened to his story, took in the fact that this man had turned his life around as best he could in prison, and was rehabilitated, as far as Derek could tell."

"I hear a rather large but coming."

Reid nodded. "Yes, but also no. The testimony that Derek gave the parole board was enough to grant the prisoner that, even though the murders were so brutal. And then, less than forty eight hours out of prison, it appeared that the man had killed someone else. And Strauss was pissed. I've never seen her that angry before in my life, and I never want to see that again. It's terrifying."

"Erin definitely has a scary streak when she's angry, yes. Let me guess, Morgan didn't grovel at her feet and beg for forgiveness?"

Reid chuckled as he shook his head. "Oh, Derek was pissed off that he had been duped, but he wasn't about to show that in front of Strauss, not after she had already sent Jen away to the State Department. There was the feeling that any one of us could be next, after all. So, he played it cool and swore that he would fix it. And he did, in the worst way possible. I know that the outcome ended up right, but the way that Morgan went about it nearly led to us being disbanded as a team."

"Oh?"

"Yes. See, the real unsub was an up and coming political player, and Strauss knew exactly how things might go down. In hindsight, I know that she was protecting us, but at the time it seemed like she was just being awful for no reason at all. Rossi said that she's good at playing the political game."

"She is. She always has been. My brain never worked that way."

"Mine doesn't, either, but I'm glad that hers does. She went to bat for us when Emily returned from the dead. I know that she tried to give all the credit to Emily's testimony when we were called before the Senate after the whole team was suspended, but I know that it was also her being able to wheel and deal with Senators and Ambassadors that helped to save us as well."

That was news to Alex, and she nodded a little as she let out a long sigh. "I suppose that she does have a good side," she begrudgingly said as Reid nodded, pulling out a book from the bag he'd brought down with him. "So, is Morgan a good guy?"

"I think that you'll get along with him well enough, as soon as you let him know that you won't accept any backchat from him. He'll try to charm you after that, but don't let that throw you. But given that you're closer to Rossi and Hotch in age, well, I doubt that he'll try to flirt with you too much, especially since you're married."

"That's good to know," she murmured as she picked up her journal and began to read the article that had piqued her interest in the first place. Soon, she was lost in the words of her colleague, and it took a few moments for her to recognize the sound of the washing machine ending its cycle. Setting the journal on her chair, Alex quickly went over to her washing machine and tossed the clothes into the dryer just as Hotch poked his head into the laundry room. "Hey."

"Hi. Just to let you two know, the food will be here in fifteen minutes. Dave and I have set up the tables in the breakfast room for us, and I'm going up to get JJ. See you soon."

Alex nodded as he disappeared, and then she was stuffing the journal in her bag as she looked at Reid. "I'm going to go sit with Rossi for a little while. You should be able to put those clothes into the dryer before the food arrives."

"Sounds like a plan, Alex." Reid gave her one of those smiles that hurt her heart to see, as it reminded her a little too much of how she imagined Ethan would smile at her, if he had been born normal, if he had survived to be Reid's age, and she nodded a little before turning on her heel and making her way out of the room. There would be time enough to think about why she felt the way she did when she was back home and able to have some truly alone time. Or when she received another midnight call from Louise, though she didn't know why she was the first person to come to mind, over James and she pushed that thought from her mind as she continued on to the breakfast room, suddenly wanting to be with someone other than her thoughts.

Alex shook out her shoulders as she stepped out of the elevator, the last one to leave it. From the corner of her eye, she saw Hotch and Erin having a hurried meeting, and she watched as Erin pressed a stack of files into their leader's hands as she continued to talk. There was something almost distressed about the look on Erin's face, but she tried not to let that get to her as she anticipated meeting Garcia and Morgan for the first time. As she approached the bullpen, she could see JJ and Reid talking with a man and woman, who she assumed to be the other two members of their team, and she plastered a neutral look on her face as she heard the woman talk.

"…but is she nice?"

Alex did not like the gossipy tone to this Garcia's voice, and so she decided to nip that right in the bud by putting the younger woman in her place. From the way that JJ and Reid were looking at her, she knew that the look on her face had hardened a little, and she squared her shoulders as Garcia said something unintelligible to Morgan before turning around to look at her. "Nice, from the Middle English to mean foolish or stupid. I do hope that you are not meaning to imply that I am foolish or stupid, and are instead using the word in its modern form?"

Garcia stammered out a reply as Morgan smoothly brushed her aside, and in that moment, she could see exactly what Reid meant about him. He was smooth, in that smarmy way, and she regarded him coolly as she shook his hand. "Derek Morgan. How was Seattle?"

"He made the Green River Killer look like a saint," she sang out as Hotch slipped past them, a concerned look on his face.

"Let's get this briefing under way," he called out over his shoulder as Erin followed close at his heels, her face set in a similarly drawn look on her face. Alex straightened her shoulders and followed the others up to the conference room, happy to take up the rear in this case. She took a seat next to Reid, carefully keeping her gaze away from Erin's eyes. It was rather difficult to keep her focus, as she was taking notes and hoping that Erin wouldn't ask her any direct questions. Still, she couldn't help but interject her thoughts on the fact that they were seeing a reemergence of the Silencer when that evidence appeared on the screen, and Erin gave her an almost proud look before Hotch carried on that line of thought.

Soon enough, the briefing was concluding, and she got to her feet, wanting to get ahead of Reid so that she wouldn't be stopped by Erin, only to hear her name fall from that woman's mouth. "Alex, a moment?"

She paused and stiffened her spine before turning to look at Erin. "Can I help you?"

"I just wanted to say that I was sorry that I haven't had the opportunity to speak with you before this. I wanted to reach out before you left for Seattle and tell you how glad I am that you're back."

"It took a lot of hard work to get here, Erin, as well you know. Now, if there's not anything else, I need to get going to Texas." Erin opened her mouth as if to say something more, but then she nodded, giving Alex that same sad smile that always broke her heart. Before she would allow her resolve to crack and break, Alex turned on her heel once more and strode from the room, taking a few deep breaths as she tried to calm her spirit in order to start this case fresh and right. JJ gave her a look as she stepped on the elevator with the team, and she shook her head a little as she listened to the chatter around her.

By the time they landed in Texas, she was in a better headspace, having been able to focus in on the job at hand. Still, Alex felt like her thoughts were divided as they started to work the case and figure out where the Silencer was headed, and it was a struggle to remain in the moment as she went about her day. It was a surprise to get a call from Morgan, since she didn't remember ever giving out her mobile number. "Garcia probably gave it to him. She can hunt down any piece of information, no matter how hard it might be to find. She once hunted down a victim in a case based only on his previous name and location. That's something that I couldn't do, but she knows how to get that stuff."

Alex nodded as they trudged up to their hotel room, suddenly glad that they had washed their clothes before leaving Seattle, since that meant she could just slip into her pyjamas and fall into bed, hopefully to fall right to sleep. "So I need to guard myself carefully around her?" she asked as JJ unlocked the door, letting them inside.

"She means well, really."

"That doesn't answer my question."

JJ sighed as they claimed their usual beds, and Alex dropped her bag onto the mattress before taking a seat on the bed and looking at JJ steadily. A small blush stained her cheeks as she sunk onto her bed, and Alex waited for her to speak once more. "She means well, but she can push boundaries, or blow right past them when she thinks it is in the greater good. I get that you're a private person, and if you explain that to Garcia, she'll understand your reticence to be so open. There have been a few times where she got into trouble for that."

"That's good to know. Thank you for telling me the truth."

JJ gave her a small smile as she opened her bag and pulled out her pyjamas. "I'm going to take a shower, since I didn't grab one yesterday. Do you mind?"

"No, I'll take one after you." JJ nodded and disappeared into the bathroom, leaving Alex along in the room. After taking off her boots, Alex stretched out on the mattress and stared up at the ceiling. A sick, heavy, feeling filled the pit of her stomach as she considered the fact that she had to contend not only with Erin trying to wheedle her way into her life, but also a busybody who had access to all the information that she wanted to keep to herself. Like Ethan. Shaking her head a little, Alex sat up and ran her fingers through her hair, wincing a little when she tugged a little too hard on the snarls there.

She bent over and fished her brush out of the bag and began to work out the snarls in her hair, still thinking about what she would do with two people in her work life that she would have to avoid. It was bad enough that trying to avoid Erin seemed to be an impossibility now, though she was trying desperately not to allow that to affect how she was working this case. Alex tossed the brush back into her bag as she picked up her phone and sent off a quick email to James, telling him that she was less than pleased with her new colleagues, and she didn't know if she would be able to work with them well.

After that was sent, Alex called up the current crossword app that she was working her way through, needing the distraction that it offered her. She had almost finished her third puzzle by the time that JJ exited the bathroom, and she gave the woman a small smile before plugging her phone onto the charger. "Let me guess, Candy Crush?" the younger woman teased, and Alex shook her head.

"Crossword puzzles. I prefer a pen and paper, but when travelling, the phone will do. I'll see you in a little bit." As she stood, she moved to her bag at the foot of her bed, pulling out pyjamas before dropping the bag on the floor next to the bed.

"There's not a balcony for you to sit on if your midnight call comes."

"I noticed that. I suppose that I can take the call in the bathroom, if I get one tonight. I don't particularly relish heading down to the lobby that late at night in my pyjamas." JJ giggled a little as she nodded, and that soft sound actually calmed Alex a little. Though she would never say it to anyone, JJ reminded her of the Erin she had met at the Academy, which was probably why she liked her so much.

The shower was relaxing as well, and Alex padded back out to the bedroom, unsurprised to see that JJ was already asleep, curled up around her pillow. Before she could stop herself, Alex went over to her bed and pulled the covers up around her shoulders, wanting her to be comfortable while she slept. Yawning widely, Alex slipped beneath the covers and made herself comfortable as she started to fall asleep herself, finding that she was much more tired than anticipated, though she knew that part of that was due to the fact they were on back to back cases and dealing with two time zone changes.

Just as she was about to completely go under, she heard her phone rumble against the nightstand, and she reached out to answer it as she sat up. "Hello?"

"Hello, Alex."

She let out a soft sigh at the sound of Louise's voice, and after slipping out of bed, she grabbed her pillow and the top blanket as she made her way over to the bathroom. "It is so good to hear your voice, Louise. Just give me a moment to get situated in the bathroom. There's no balcony for me to sit on, and while I told JJ that I don't want to sit in the lobby and have people stare at me in my pyjamas, it's more that I don't want anyone to overhear these conversations. I find myself loathe to be that open."

"I understand," Louise replied as Alex settled down on the floor, sitting on her pillow as she leaned back against the door and covered her legs with the blanket. "Are you comfortable now?"

"I am. Well, as comfortable as I can be, headed on back to back cases, with new team members that I'm not certain I'll get along with, and dealing with Erin getting into my personal space before we left on this case. It just all feels to be too much?"

"And that is what these calls are for, Alex. Now, where would you like to start unpacking?"

There was something a little familiar about that phrasing, and Alex frowned a little as she shifted her position a little. "I suppose with the new members. My other teammates gave me a little bit of a head's up in regards to them, but actually meeting them was a revelation. Derek is a bit of a jackass, but he seems to be trying to charm me, since he doesn't really know me yet. Not that I'll open myself up to him, or the others really, since I tend to privacy. But it's the technical analyst that truly unsettles me."

"Why?"

"JJ has told me that she's a digger, and she tries to find out as much information as possible on people and situations. I don't want her to go trawling through my history to find out the secrets that I won't share with the team. They don't need to know about my son in order to trust me with their lives in the field. They don't need to know my history with Erin, because that has no bearing on how I interact with my team."

"Still no closer to a détente with Erin, then?"

She shook her head a little as she let out a deep sigh. "I wish that I could say that I'm in a place to be forgiving and kind, but I'm not. She cut my f*cking rope when I was the most vulnerable, and I nearly lost everything that I had worked so hard for. I loved her, and she still betrayed me in the worst way possible."

"That sort of burning brand will continue to hurt your heart as well, Alex. Sometimes, you need to forgive the person in order to move on, not because they want to be forgiven. Just, think on that?"

Alex sighed as she nodded. "I know that you're right, but I'm not in that head space yet. And it might be easier if Erin would stay out of my space for another few weeks. I know that she won't do that, because she feels desperate to make amends, and I just can't offer her that at the moment." Another sigh escaped her lips as she thought about the case ahead and how she needed to focus on that and not on her issues with Erin or Garcia. "So, do you want to tell me something good that's going on in your life so that I can focus on something positive?"

"Of course I can, Alex. Just let me know when you need to go to sleep."

"Okay," she replied as she allowed her shoulders to drop a little in relaxtion, ready to listen to her friendly voice tell her something good.

It was a subdued flight home for Alex, and she was glad that Hotch had taken a seat next to her on the jet in order to keep the others away from her. She was not in the mood for talking to anyone, something that JJ and Hotch seemed to instinctively understand, though it looked like Morgan wanted to engage her in conversation. Sighing a little, Alex turned to gaze out the window of the jet, even though she couldn't see anything in the dark. There was a comfort in the inky color of the night sky that lent a balm to her wounded heart, though a part of her wished that she could call Louise and talk to her about the fact that an unsub she had made a connection with had taken his life in front of her.

"Not all cases end like that, Alex," Hotch said quietly, and she looked at him, giving him a sad look. "I know, you don't want to talk about it, and I'm not asking you to, I just want you to know that not all unsubs have tragic backstories like he did, you won't have to feel that tug of I should have been quicker, or kinder, or better after every case. Even if this one lingers in your mind. Okay?"

She gave him a small nod before whispering "Okay," in return before returning to looking out the window. There was a comfort to his words, and she was grateful for the fact that he hadn't forced her to speak, since she wasn't certain that she had words enough to explain just how adrift she felt in that moment. Alex wanted to hear from Louise that evening, but she knew that was highly unlikely, since she had received two calls so quickly. Allowing her shoulders to drop a little, she let out a long sigh as she tightened her hand in the collar of her shirt and hunched over a little in an effort to keep warm, even though she knew the chill she was feeling had nothing to do with the temperature on the plane. Feeling a warm hand on her shoulder, she looked up into JJ's face, seeing that she was giving her a supportive smile as she made her way to the galley. She returned the expression fleetingly before turning to the window again, needing the emptiness to help the feelings swirling around in her head.

"Do you think that we'll have to head out on another case?" she vaguely heard Morgan say, and she waited for Hotch's answer, hoping that it would be no.

Instead, Rossi was the one to answer, and she rolled her eyes a little at his flippant reply. "I think that we should just not even head up to the bullpen. If Erin can't see us, she can't ask us to turn around and head out once more. And if we all turn our phones off, she can't reach us!"

"She'll be able to reach you, Dave," Aaron said so quietly that Alex knew she wasn't supposed to overhear that little quip, so she tried to swallow the quick grin that spread across her lips. "I think that I can get Strauss to agree to let us have one night home in our own beds, after the Seattle case and then this. Some of us have sway with her, after all."

A little chuckle slipped out of her mouth, and Hotch gave her a small nod before he settled back in his seat once more, checking to make certain his seatbelt was fastened as the jet started its descent. "Is Rossi riding back to Quantico with you?" she asked as she sat up a little straighter in her seat, never comfortable with landings.

"He is, but you're free to join us. Though I'm sure that JJ wouldn't mind ferrying you back to the bullpen."

"I know, I just…"

"Still feel off kilter, and that's okay. Listen, as soon as we return, we're heading home. Okay? We're not going to think about work for an entire night, and we'll come back tomorrow ready to tackle the next case."

She nodded as the wheels touched down on the tarmac, and the moment they had come to a stop, she stood, ready to follow everyone out into the night. Morgan was the first one off the jet, and she frowned a little at that, until she saw that he was pulling their luggage out of the hold, handing it to them as they passed by. JJ touched her arm to get her attention, and she nodded a little before following her over to her car.

"So, I really do think that Rossi thinks we're all clueless as to his relationship with Strauss. We're profilers! You can't keep secrets like that hidden from us for too long."

Alex let out a strained chuckle as she nodded, thinking about her broken relationship with Erin and how she didn't want to be gossip fodder in the office. "I thought profilers weren't supposed to analyse members of their own team?" she asked.

"Technically, that's true, but we can't help doing it." A weird silence fell over the car as JJ continued the drive back, arriving at the same time as the others. They rode up the elevator together, and Alex tried to take deep, calming, breaths as it came to a stop on the sixth floor, hoping beyond hope that Erin had already headed home for the evening.

That was not to be, as she could see her familiar blonde head the moment the team entered the bullpen, and she listened to the others groan when they also caught sight of her. "Don't tell me there's another case already," Morgan spat out, and Erin nodded.

"There's always another case, but…you have to spend at least one night in your own beds, after the cases you've worked recently. Head home and come back refreshed tomorrow."

"You don't have to tell me twice!" Rossi said as he turned and headed back to the elevators, JJ and Reid close at his heels with murmured thanks on their lips. Which left her alone with the others, and she could feel Erin's eyes on her as she waited for the others to leave.

"Don't tell me you're staying, Hotch," she said as Morgan disappeared out into the hallway, and he nodded.

"I just have to start the reports, and then I can head home. Jack's already asleep, and Jessica said she was going to spend the night since we're returning so late. I'll see you in the morning." He nodded to both her and Erin before making his way over to the stairs, and then she was alone with the woman.

Squaring her shoulders, Alex tilted her head a little as she regarded Erin coolly, waiting for her to say what was on her mind. "I heard that you did well on this case, Alex."

"Yes, well, I have to prove my worth to the team."

"You did that when you were given this position." Erin licked her lips a few times as her eyes nervously darted around Alex's form and she steeled herself for the next words from her lips. "Listen, before you left, I was trying to tell you that I am glad you're here."

"Well, that makes two of us, Erin."

Erin nodded before taking another deep breath. "I, I also wanted to try and give verbal amends for what happened. While you might not believe this, politics is the part of this job that I like the least, and I never imagined that you would end up in the crossfire during the Amerithrax case."

She snorted a little as she shook her head. "That's a very politic way to say that you cut my rope, Erin. You left me out to dry, and I nearly lost everything, including my reputation."

"No, I saw to it that your reputation would remain intact. It was just that someone…"

"Someone had to take the fall, I know. And now you're trying to assuage your guilt by offering up these amends. I don't need them, Erin. I got here on my own merits, and you can watch from the sidelines."

Erin gave her a small nod before turning and almost fleeing the bullpen. Alex didn't want to think about the fact that she had seen tears already starting to roll down her cheeks. Moments later, Morgan was striding up to her, a pensive look on his face. "So, you and Strauss? There a history there we should know about?"

"In another life," she replied shortly before turning and making her way over to her desk, not wanting to interact with anyone else that evening. Her entire day had been sh*t, and she just wanted to check her work email, type up her report, and head home to sleep. Thankfully, Morgan seemed to get the hint, since he gave her a sharp nod before exiting the bullpen once more. With him gone, Alex buried her face in her hands and took a long breath, holding on to it for a few seconds before letting it out in a deep sigh. In the silence that surrounded her, Alex heard soft footsteps approaching her from behind and she stiffened her shoulders in preparation for whoever wanted her attention.

Turing her head slightly, Alex found herself looking up into Garcia's drawn face. Taking another long breath, she waited for the younger woman to speak, not wanting to give her the upper hand by breaking first. "Hi."

"Hello," she replied softly.

"Can we start over?" Alex pursed her lips a little as she inclined her head a little in agreement. The smile on Penelope's face grew a little as she opened her mouth to speak once more. "My name is Penelope Garcia and I do not do well with change. At all."

"I don't think that anyone does."

Garcia shrugged before barreling on. "Yes, well, I think that it's worse for me. I've never been good at it, and losing Emily so recently has thrown me for a loop. That, and being jetlagged. Here."

The younger woman handed over a coffee tumbler, and Alex picked it up, smiling at the Union Jack that decorated it. "This is nice."

"Nice, huh?"

She blushed to realise the verbiage she had just used, and shrugged. "This is kind and thoughtful."

"Well, I heard that you live in the District, and I know from Reid that that is not an easy commute. Do you drink coffee?"

"Are you kidding? I drink anything with caffeine."

This time, Garcia grinned at her. "Perfect! We have a tea of the month club starting next month."

"Proper tea?" she found herself teasing, and Garcia nodded eagerly.

"Yes! Do you have a preferred flavor?" she asked as she sank down onto the corner of Alex's desk. For some reason, Alex found herself not as tired as she had felt when she took a seat at her desk, and she took a deep breath as she shook her head. "Good! So, we'll all find out what we like together. I found that I really liked Lady Grey for breakfast when I was in England with Emily. Though she still drinks coffee like it's going out of style in the mornings. And she takes it as black as the soul of Satan. I don't know how she can do that!"

Alex laughed as she leaned back in her chair. "Let me guess, you are one of those people that drown their coffee in sugar and cream and sprinkles?" Garcia nodded, her grin never wavering. "I guess I'm more like Emily, then. I take a little sugar and a splash of milk in my coffee, but still like it darker than beige."

"I'll remember that for when I go on a coffee run. Um, how was your first case? Der called me while he was waiting on Reid to finish packing, and he mentioned that you had made a connection with the unsub before he…made his final choice. I, I was with someone in their final moments of life, too, once, and I know that it can be heartbreaking to feel so powerless."

The empathy in her voice took Alex aback and she took a shaky breath as she nodded. "I was prepared for him to be shot by Morgan. I was prepared to be shot myself, since I had holstered my weapon. I was not prepared for the level of despair I saw in his face, and the peace that was there in that split second before he pulled the trigger. I think that it will take a long time before I can move on fully from that moment."

"Well, if you ever need an ear to listen to you, I'm here. And I know, Jayje has probably told you that I've made a few slips and told some truths that weren't mine to tell, but I've gotten better at that, I promise. And I don't deep dive into my family. I promise. Even if I did give Derek your mobile number. Though I just pulled that from your personnel file. I'll leave you alone now, since you're probably exhausted, and want to get home." Somehow, Alex wasn't surprised when Garcia reached out and stroked her shoulder tenderly, since she had the feeling that the woman was one of those touchy feely people. Giving her a small nod, Alex turned her attention back to her monitor and logged into her account, wanting to get through her email as quickly as possible, suddenly eager to be home and able to sleep in her own bed.

"Did you want to head out for supper, Alex?"

She looked up to see JJ standing in front of her desk, a bemused smile on her lips. "Don't you need to get home to your husband?" she asked as she saved what she was working on before turning her full attention on her colleague.

"Eh, Will needs to spend a little more time with Henry, and we're all getting together. Well, everyone except for Rossi. He tried to beg off that he was too tired, but we all know that only means that he's spending the night with his girlfriend."

Alex laughed a little as she nodded. "Well, as long as said girlfriend won't be there with us, I think that I would enjoy having supper with everyone." JJ smiled as Alex pushed away from her desk and grabbed her purse, shoving her phone into it before shrugging into her jacket. "Let me guess, we're headed out for Chinese?"

JJ nodded sheepishly as she walked with Alex over to the elevators. "It's our thing, and it's easiest, given that PG's a vegetarian. There are more options for her there."

"I still eat chicken sometimes!"

Alex turned to see Garcia scurrying over towards them, a bright smile on her lips. "Interesting. Since when was chicken a vegetable?"

"Since dolphin was considered a fish and therefore edible during Lent and not bound by the traditional fasting from meat. You're not the only one who knows obscure facts," she said as she slipped her arm into JJ's. "But it is really difficult to give up sesame chicken, especially when the cravings hit hard. But I am so glad that you're coming with us! Gideon was the one to start bonding suppers when we were home, and it's nice to have them every once in a while. Our new team members sometimes get lost in the shuffle."

She gave a small nod as they all stepped into the elevator. "So, am I following one of you over to the restaurant?"

"I was planning on driving Jayje over, so if you want to ride with us, you're more than welcome!"

"I don't want to inconvenience you, Garcia. Especially since I probably won't stay as late as the rest of you. I do have classes to teach tomorrow, after all."

"That's right, no rest for the weary," JJ teased as they stepped out of the elevator. "I'll make certain that Garcia drives slowly enough so that you can keep up with us. And if you get lost, well, I'll call and give you directions."

Alex nodded and they walked over to their cars. After getting behind the wheel, she waited for Garcia to pull out, and then she was following her over to the restaurant. Thankfully, it was actually on her way home, so she figured that she could spend a little extra time with the team before heading on home.

"I'm glad that you were able to make it tonight."

She looked up into Hotch's eyes, and nodded a little. "I thought that it would be nice to get to know everyone else a little better on a more neutral space. There's a large difference between work mode and personal mode."

"That is very true," he replied as he placed his hand on the small of her back without really touching her. She chuckled to herself at the fact that he was a true Southern gentleman, and she nodded a little as they walked into the restaurant together. After they were seated, Alex grabbed her phone and sent off a quick text to James, letting him know that she'd be occupied that evening with her team. "How is your husband doing?"

"He's well. I wish that his assignment in Gabon would end soon, but I understand his need to be there. It was easier when I was just teaching, since we could carve time for each other on the weekends, but now that I'm doing this as well, it makes things a little more difficult."

"That was one of the things that Haley hated about the job. But this is in my blood, and it's hard to let it go, knowing that there might be predators that get away if we don't hunt them down."

She nodded as she picked up her menu, quickly settling on shrimp lo mein that evening. As she waited for their server, Alex took a look around the table, finding herself actually missing Rossi's presence, since he was always good at telling stories. Still, she was going to sit back and listen to what was being said, hoping that she wouldn't be asked to contribute much in the way of conversation. She knew that it would be difficult to keep that delicate balance between saying too much and keeping herself private. She especially did not want to discuss Erin at all, and she was almost certain that Morgan would use this opportunity to get a little more information about their disagreement.

Still, Alex found herself participating with little pithy anecdotes, combing the recesses of her brain for a few stories about Rossi that she could share with them in order to keep them from getting too close to her. "Are you leaving already?" Garcia asked when she pushed her chair away from the table.

"Unfortunately, yes. It's an hour drive home, and I still have to prepare some notes for the lessons tomorrow. I'll see you Friday, unless we get called out on a case?"

The others nodded, and Alex gave a small wave before she left the restaurant. The drive home was a little quicker than anticipated, which she was grateful for, since she truly did have a lot to get through before the next day. After brewing a mug of herbal tea, she went into the living room and got to work on finishing up what she wanted to talk about the next day, drawing in threads of what her TA had already gone over.

Alex became so lost in what she was doing that she lost track of time, and so was startled when her phone rang. Picking it up, she felt her eyes widen to see that it was already midnight, and she knew that Louise was on the other end of the line. "Oh, thank God you called. I was going out of my skin today," she answered without looking at the display, listening to Louise chuckle. Again, that feeling of familiarity swept over her senses, but she couldn't quite place why she felt that way.

"Has it been that bad, then?"

"Well, Erin has left me alone since our little tiff that night the team returned from Seattle, so I suppose that is a spot of good. The team wanted to do some bonding tonight, and I agreed to go with them, since Rossi decided to spend the evening with Erin. It was nice, and I managed to keep them from prying too much into my life by offering up anecdotes of things that happened before they joined the BAU. But I mostly just listened to them talk and unwind."

"And did you enjoy being included with the group?"

Alex drew in a deep breath as she made herself more comfortable on the sofa. "I did, strangely enough. Though I think that I'll never really get close to Morgan or Garcia, I'm forming a tentative friendship with JJ. There's something about her that reminds me of the best of Erin, so it's easier to connect to her. That, and she's a mother, too."

"That does make a difference, yes. So, are you headed out on a case tomorrow?"

"I don't know yet. I'll be teaching all day at Georgetown, so unless I get a call from Hotch letting me know that I'm needed urgently, I'll be away from the BAU. I love teaching, truly, but I think I'm going to miss being there."

"That's because you fought so long to get back to that place, it feels wrong to not be there, with your team. But if you're teaching, I should probably let you go. I'm assuming your day starts earlier than when you're at the BAU."

"Actually, I get to sleep in a little. Thirty minutes might not feel like much, but I'll take whatever I can get."

Again, Louise chuckled, and this time Alex joined in, feeling a little more at ease for hearing her voice. "I can completely relate to that. There were times when I would use my lunch break to catch up on sleep when one of my children had a rough night. It drove my partner crazy, because she always wanted to discuss what we were currently working on during our lunches."

"That sounds eerily familiar to my situation with Erin when her eldest was so colicky that she couldn't get a decent night's sleep to save her life. Alan was never any help, since he always tried to say that he needed his rest to be able to be a good attorney. He was such a jackass, that I was actually relieved to hear that they got a divorce. Or at least, I'm assuming that they divorced, since Erin was never one to cheat on her partner. In fact, until she cut my rope, I would have said that she was steadfast and true in all things, so maybe I got that wrong, too."

There was a brief pause before Louise spoke once more, and Alex frowned a little to hear pain in her voice. "I know that we've discussed Erin and what she did to you before, but from what you've told me of her, I don't believe that she is one to cheat on her romantic partner. That doesn't ring true to me. But then, I've only what you've told me about her to go on, so I could be completely wrong. This will be hard, I completely understand, but try to grant her a little more grace than you currently do. For me?"

Alex blew out a short breath as she stared up at the ceiling of her living room. "I suppose that I could try, in my heart, to do that. Though that doesn't mean I'll change how I interact with her at work. Just because I might try to let things go for my own benefit does not mean she needs to know that, as I don't want her trying to wheedle her way into my life once more."

"That is a perfectly valid way to look at things, Alex. How are your classes at Georgetown going? Didn't they just start for the semester?"

"They did, and I had to do a teleconference for the first session of all three courses I'm teaching this year. That was definitely a learning experience, and one that I hope I don't have to repeat in the future, since I felt like I wasn't in total command of the room. I'm not one of those teachers who has to have strict control, but I do like to make eye contact with my students, to try and get a feel of if they're having struggles, or if I'll need to watch out for them later on down the line. There's so much you can learn in that first meeting, and I feel like I couldn't accomplish that. Hopefully, tomorrow goes well, and I can make those connections."

"I'm certain that you'll do fine, Alex. You are an intelligent woman and an excellent teacher, at least from what I've heard from James. Try to take into consideration all that you are capable of and let that lead you tomorrow. Now, I really am not going to keep you any longer. You should get up to bed and have a good night's sleep to prepare for everything you'll encounter in the morning. But Alex?"

"Yes?"

"I am truly glad that we get to talk like this. I think that it's doing both of us a lot of good." Before Alex could reply, Louise had hung up, and she pulled the phone away to stare at the screen, wondering just what her new friend meant by those cryptic words. Still, she knew that there would be time enough to ask Louise later, when she next called and talked to her.

"I thought that you said that Florida cases were the bad ones?" Alex muttered as she collapsed onto the bed and stared at her feet. She was still trying to wrap her mind around the fact that there were clearly two unsubs at play, since the level of depravity behind the two deaths was so different. She was almost grateful that one of the unsubs had dispatched the victim before dragging him behind the vehicle, since that meant he hadn't experienced the hell that the other victim had.

"Normally, they are," JJ replied as she plopped down onto her bed, falling back to stare up at the ceiling as she drew in a few deep breaths. "I think that I'm going to update my list."

"List?" she asked as she flopped back as well, finding comfort in the blankness of the ceiling as she listened to JJ speak.

"Yeah, my list of ways I don't want to die. Don't you have a list like that?"

"No, I've never really given it much thought."

"I have. I thought that drowning would be the worst way to die, since it's like suffocation, but worse. This case, though? Makes me rethink that idea. I cannot begin to imagine a worse way to die than to be dragged behind a moving vehicle, knowing that there is no way to escape and hoping that death comes quickly, even though you know it won't."

Alex nodded, thinking about what she had seen at the morgue. "Now that I am taking time to think about it, I suppose that that would have to rank as my number one least preferred way to die. I always wanted to die in my sleep, in my old age, like it seems my father will." She took a deep breath, wondering if she should continue that thought or not. A part of her wanted to open up to JJ, to let her know how draining it had been to watch her mother die, but knew that she didn't quite trust the woman enough with that information just yet. It was still such a sore spot on her heart, even thirty years out from her death. "Though being eaten by a shark wouldn't be that bad. Would it?"

JJ chuckled, and Alex turned over on her side to look at the younger woman. It didn't surprise her to see that JJ had done the same, and she was actually giving Alex a tremulous smile. "Usually, it's Spence that makes me smile after horrible cases like this. Maybe he picked it up from you, since he was your protégé."

"Perhaps. So, what do you think? Eaten by a shark?"

"What about falling into lava? That would be quick and painless."

"No, there's something about a warm death that terrifies me. I've always been put off by fire. Not a phobia or fear, per se, but perhaps the best word would be unnerved?"

"I get that, yes. Um, I hate to ask this of you, but I would love to talk and decompress with Will. And I do mean decompress. Would you mind taking a shower? For about thirty minutes?"

Alex blushed a little as it dawned on her what exactly JJ was asking of her, and she nodded sharply as she slipped off the bed, grabbing her phone, a charging bank, and her headphones out of her bag. "I actually think a long bath is in order. It will be nice to listen to some music and relax as I shut out the world." JJ gave her a quick smile as she made her way over to the bathroom, setting her things down on the counter before hurrying back into the bedroom to grab her pyjamas to change into once she was finished bathing.

She tried to ignore the fact that JJ was already stripping down to her underwear as she turned and fairly ran back into the bathroom, closing the door with a dull thud and resting against it for a moment to catch her breath and try to excise that sight from her brain. Slowly, she stripped off her clothes and folded them on the counter before starting the water running, wanting to get it to the perfect temperature before she sank into it. While that was going on, she queued up an audiobook by one of her favourite narrators and plugged her headphones and the charging bank into her phone, starting the story while she got comfortable in the bath.

The water was so nice that Alex lost herself in the story, adding warmer water whenever she got a little too cold, until a rather insistent knocking came on the door. Pausing the book, Alex tugged her headphones off and turned to face the door, making certain that the tub covered any important bits of her body before answering. "Yes, JJ?"

"Are you almost finished? I'd like to take a shower, and you've been in there for like, two hours."

"Oh, sh*t, I completely lost track of time. Give me ten minutes to dry off and dress?"

"All right."

She listened to JJ move away from the door before she pulled the plug on the drain, allowing the water to empty a little before she stood up and grabbed a towel, wrapping it around her body as she stepped out onto the rug and quickly dried off before stepping into her pyjama pants and pulled on her top. Her skin was a little damp still, causing her clothes to cling a little to her skin, and she shook her head a little as she brushed her teeth and then pulled her hair up into a messy ponytail before exiting. "Sorry it took so long, I just lost myself in a good book."

"It happens to the best of us." JJ gave her a little smile as they switched places, and again, Alex tried to ignore the fact that the younger woman was in a state of dishabille as they moved past each other. She knew that she eventually she'd grow accustomed to the fact that JJ was so casual with how much skin she exposed when they were alone, and maybe she'd feel a little freer with her own body, since they were both married, and so showing a little skin didn't matter, truly, in the scheme of things.

As she set her bag on the floor at the foot of her bed, she pulled out her adaptor, so that she could plug her phone into the socket to charge overnight. Once that task was accomplished, she slipped beneath the covers and tried to calm her mind enough so that she could sleep. It had truly been a long day, and she wanted to forget the sights she had seen alongside Rossi in the coroner's office. Still, a tiny part of her heart wished that she had Louise's number so that she could call her that evening, as she desperately wanted to hear her voice.

Sighing, Alex turned onto her side and pulled the spare pillow tightly to her chest as she tried to talk her mind into going blank, into thinking of nothing, in an effort to go to sleep. Somehow, she was successful in her endeavors, as she barely heard JJ reenter the room and turn off the lights before she, too, settled into bed. Her sleep was light, though, which was why she heard her phone rumble against the wood of the nightstand as she pulled herself away from the sweet arms of slumber.

"Louise?" she murmured as quietly as she possibly could as she slipped out of bed, carrying the pillow and blanket with her as she made her way out onto the balcony, collapsing into the chair as she pulled the blanket around her legs and then hugged the pillow to her chest with her spare arms. "Please, tell me that it's you."

"It is, dear. Who else would call you at this time of night besides James?"

"I know, I'm just feeling a little…" Before she could get any more words out, to her horror, she burst into soft tears.

"You're feeling a little sad. Is it the case?" Alex nodded, hoping beyond hope that Louise could hear the motion. "Oh, Alex. Let me comfort you for a little while until you can find the words to tell me why you're so heartbroken."

"Okay," she whispered brokenly, listening to Louise sigh lightly.

"So, it was a beautiful day here on the East Coast. The sun shone so brightly, even if the nip of fall is in the air. Though my parents would always tease me that autumn in Quantico is nothing like the autumn's back home in Massachusetts. I spent a little time in my garden, preparing it for the coming winter, and managed to see two cardinals. They'll always be my favorite bird."

"That's my favorite bird, too. Probably because it was my mom's," she said, her voice not quite so broken in that moment. "How strange that we would both prefer that bird."

"Not really. It's a fairly common bird to have as a favorite. Now, if we were both to say that the blue footed booby was our favourite bird, then I would call it strange." Alex smothered a giggle, and Louise also let out a small laugh. "I thought that might put a small smile in your heart. Anyway, I decided that this was the year to put out a bird feeder and a heated birdbath, so that I might have visitors even when it's somewhat bleak here."

"I wish that I was home enough to enjoy having a bird feeder, but between being in the field and teaching, I never get to be home when it's light out."

"That is one of the drawbacks of your jobs. There's always the weekends?"

"I suppose. And I could always pay one of the neighbor kids to fill the feeder when I'm away."

"There you go, always finding a solution to a problem. And you're sounding a little better. Would you like to discuss why you're feeling so off balance?"

Alex took a deep breath as she hugged the pillow closer once more. "There is something about the idea of being dragged to your death behind a vehicle that unnerves me entirely, and I've let that get beneath my skin. Rossi and I went to the coroner's office to be briefed on what happened, and seeing the state of the bodies…" Her voice broke as she thought about what she had seen. "I'm glad that it was us who went to the morgue, though. JJ shouldn't have to worry about seeing that in person. The pictures were bad enough."

"You sound protective of Agent Jareau."

"I am. She reminds me of a slightly more feisty Erin, though I would never tell her as such. I get the feeling that there might be a bit of bad blood between the two of them, and at this point, I'd rather keep the burgeoning relationship with JJ than to upset the delicate balance I have with everyone on the team by suggesting that there is that small connection."

"Yes, that does make sense. So, do you think that this will be a long case?"

"I hope not, but I have that feeling that it is going to devolve quickly into chaos. Those feelings are the worst, you know? Impending doom is not a good thing to have hanging around in your brain when you're trying to bring unsubs to justice."

"Unsubs?"

"Yes, we think that there are two working together, since there was a stark difference between the one victim was alive and dragged, and the other, mercifully, killed beforehand." She shivered and pulled her legs up onto the chair, even though it wasn't the most comfortable, since she wanted to be warmer. "I just can't imagine that level of cruelty."

"Humans are amazingly good at being cruel, even in little things. We don't mean to be, oftentimes, but casual cruelty can be quite easy to allow in our lives. And then we sometimes spend decades trying to make amends for those cruelties, even if they're not accepted." Louise took a deep breath before speaking once more. "Now, it's late, for both of us, and you need to rest to be prepared for whatever the morning brings. Sleep well, Alex."

"You as well, Louise," she replied before ending the call, cradling the phone to her chest as she pondered Louise's last words to her, wondering what she had been thinking about in that moment. And she decided to file it away for asking her about in a later call, when she wasn't quite so tired mentally and physically. Getting to her feet, she went back inside and collapsed on the bed, falling quickly asleep soon after she had plugged her phone back in.

Alex was unsurprised to be paired up with Rossi again the next day. They had worked well together on previous cases, and yesterday had been a good day for them together. Still, she found herself a bit short tempered, since her sleep had been restless, even after easily falling asleep following her talk with Louise. It was as if, even in her exhaustion, she couldn't get comfortable, and so sleepiness nipped at her heels from the moment she awoke. And so, as she curled up in the passenger seat of their SUV, Alex studied Rossi's profile, finding that she wanted to ask him more about his relationship with Erin, but not knowing where to start.

"If you look at me any longer, I'm going to be burned on your retinas for all eternity, and what would James have to say about that?"

She chuckled a little as she turned her head to look out ahead of them. "He would say that I've chosen to allow my head to be turned by someone famous."

"Oh, so scandalous, Doctor Blake! What are we, stuck in some Regency bodice ripper?" he teased, and she knew that he was trying to make her feel better, as if he could tell that she was still feeling a little off balance.

"Very funny. I know that my word choice can be a bit odd, but that is part of my character."

Rossi nodded a little before reaching over and patting her arm affectionately. "I do remember that from your first time with the BAU. Speaking of your return, have you talked to Erin at all since you came back?

Alex took a long breath as she rolled her eyes a little bit. "Is she pressuring you to talk to me in order to soften me up?" she asked sharply, giving him a deep frown as she turned her focus back to him, waiting to hear what his answer would be.

"Why would you think that she has any influence with me?" he shot back, a little too quickly, which was very telling, and she chuckled as she rolled her eyes once more. "What?"

"Well, the first telling thing is that you call her by her first name all the time. With the others, it's either her last name or her title and last name. Secondly, your relationship with her is probably the worst kept secret in the entire department. I'm surprised that you would take the risk of having a relationship with her, since she is technically our superior. Or have the fraternization rules changed that much while I was gone?"

There was a brief pause before he answered her, and Alex tried not to hum in annoyance as she waited. "The rules have not changed, but we're not in a serious relationship. She doesn't want to jump into something so quickly, after the way that Alan treated her in the months leading up to their divorce."

Alex shook her head a little as she tried to formulate her next question. "That is not the truth, or the Erin that I know. She would never enter into something casual with anyone."

"And how would you know that, Alex?"

She was surprised to hear the sharpness in his tone, and she took a few deep breaths before she looked at him once more, her eyes narrowing so as not to offer him a way to read her, if he happened to glance in her direction. "That is none of your business."

"Well, Erin seems to think that it is my business, as she's talked about the fact that you were a pair while in the Academy. There are things that she regrets…"

"That need to be kept between the two of us. Am I clear? Dammit, Dave, we've worked together so well since I've gotten back with the team, and I don't want to lose this dynamic. Please, drop this."

He sighed heavily, which told Alex that perhaps Erin hadn't been the one to put him up to getting them to reconcile, that he was taking matters into his own hands based out of some loyalty that he felt towards Erin. "Just like we work well together, I want you and Erin to work well together. After all these years as having her as an adversary, we have grown accustomed to having her on our side."

"I understand that, Rossi, but don't you think that you're doing her great harm by getting into a relationship with her so soon out of rehab? Especially since this was her second stint?"

If she thought that he had been upset earlier, she was not prepared for what happened next. "That is a low blow, Alex. I wouldn't do anything that would cause her to slip in her progress, and I am so very proud that she's made it nearly a year sober. Just because we're casually sleeping together, finding solace from this godawful job we do, where we see the dregs of society and what they can do to vulnerable people, does not mean that she's just going to chase her feelings down the neck of a bottle if I decide to end this little fling that we're having. I won't have you slandering her name, though. Are we clear?"

"As crystal, David," she bit out before turning to look out the window at the scenery passing by. Alex didn't want him to see that she was close to tears from the way that he had torn into her, and she knew that she would not be discussing anything that even remotely intimated being about Erin with him in the future. As she watched the scenery once more, Alex blinked back her frustrated tears, and tried to find a way to calm her roiling emotions. Especially because she knew that she was right about Erin. Those things didn't change in a person when they got older, not without serious trauma or health issues. Erin had always been loyal and committed to whatever person she found herself in a physical relationship with.

Unbidden, her thoughts flew back nearly forty years, to when she and Erin had both been in the Academy together. They hadn't started out with the intent of being a couple, in fact, the sparks that had flown off of them had been more anger than passion, but as they spent more and more time together, that had shifted to something a little more dangerous. "Where's your head, Alex?"

"In the past. I should never have brought this up while we're on a case. There are too many memories associated with our time at the Academy. But I have to tell you one thing before we close this book and focus on the case entirely. You are wrong about Erin, she doesn't do things casually or by halves, and even though I do not want to reconcile with her, I do not want to accept her amends, but I also don't want to see her hurt or thinking that she might have to rely on something that stole everything from her. All right?"

He nodded, a strange expression on his face that she didn't know how to read. She wanted to tell him that he didn't need to be concerned with her wellbeing, but knew that it wasn't appropriate for this current moment. This entire conversation had gone off the rails, and the sooner it was over, the better for her. Finally, they arrived at their destination, and Alex was able to push aside her personal issues as she turned her focus onto the case at hand.

The rest of the day progressed as well as could be for the case they were working on, though she was grateful when after lunch, she and JJ were able to head out together in search of more information. That relief must have shown on her face, because as soon as they younger woman was under way, JJ glanced at her with a pensive set to her face. "Did something happen between you and Rossi this morning?"

"We had a bit of a disagreement, but I think that we managed to come to an understanding. I just didn't sleep well last night."

"Well, you were on the phone for nearly an hour, that would make me cranky, too."

"Did I wake you up? I thought that I had my phone on silent."

JJ let out a soft chuckle as she nodded. "You did, but your whisper is not quite as quiet as you might think that it is, and the balcony door squeaks. At least there won't be any more midnight calls this case, since your husband seems to only call once while we're out."

"That is true, I do only get one call per case, usually. And I'm sorry for waking you. I thought that I was being careful."

"We all have our quirks, Alex, and I just want you to know that it's okay to talk with your support system. That's what I find in Will, after all. Though I do wish that you could convince your husband to call at Quantico midnight, rather than local midnight, since we both need our sleep when we're out in the field."

"I keep trying to press that issue, but it is a sticking point with Louise."

"Louise?"

Alex felt her eyes widen as she realized what she had let slip. "Yes, well, James hasn't been able to call, since he's busy with his job, so he enlisted one of his friends to call and check in with me as I start this new job. And it is easy to talk to her, since I don't really know her."

"So, she's like a late night therapist. I can see the appeal, since we tend towards honesty the longer a person is awake. I tend to use PG as my sounding board when I feel the need to talk to someone late at night. She knows me, and knows how to talk me down from any ledges I get myself stuck on. Have you been able to meet this Louise?"

She knew that this would open a can of worms, and she didn't want to reveal too much to JJ, even though they were fast becoming friendly. "No, I haven't, and I don't think that I want to? I am content to just have her voice in my ear, and I feel if I meet Louise, the phone calls will lose that mystique that they have currently, and I won't be able to find that same meeting of the minds if I know who she is, outside these phone calls." Clearing her throat, she turned to look at JJ a little as she threw caution to the wind and decided to trust her a little more. "Though now that we're talking about this, I must confess that there is something vaguely familiar about her voice and speech patterns, and I find myself wondering if I do know her. But there's no one named Louise in our social circles."

"Maybe you do know her, and she wants to give you that feeling of anonymity and is thus using a middle name, or something?"

"Maybe," she replied, giving JJ a small smile as she took a deep breath. "Or maybe I'm just reading more into the situation than I should. Is it ridiculous that I look forward to these talks we have?"

"No, because I look forward to my talks with Penelope and Will. From the sound of things, you don't get close to a lot of people, and I think that I'm probably closer to you than anyone else on the team at the moment, so I hope that you hear what I'm saying? It is okay to have someone special in our lives that we can bare our souls to, and if it is this anonymous voice on the other end of the phone? Well, I'm glad that you have that outlet. You deserve it. Now, much as I hate to bring this little talk to an end, we have arrived, and need to be in business mode. Ready?"

"Ready," she replied, nodding a little as she straightened her shoulders and prepared for the afternoon ahead.

The team had thankfully drawn the short straw and managed to have a week at home working on custodials and catching up on paperwork, which allowed Alex to teach her classes at Georgetown and have a little time for herself as she tried to work out the puzzle of just who Louise was. Her little chat with JJ had started her mind working in overdrive as she tried to think about just where she might know the woman from. Letting out a sigh, Alex set aside the paper she was grading and stretched out on the sofa in order to try and run through her thoughts.

As she stared up at the ceiling, Alex found her thoughts turning away from Louise and focusing on the situation between Erin and Rossi. Their sharp words still stung her mind, since she didn't want to be at odds with him, though she had known that his having a relationship with Erin might end up causing more issues than she would like. And that is exactly what had happened. And yet, when she thought about it more in depth, she found that she was less concerned about how things between her and Rossi would turn out, and more about if he would end up hurting Erin. Which didn't make any sense at all, as she was still persona non grata in Alex's world, and Alex wanted to keep it that way for as long as possible, maybe until the end of time.

But as was happening more and more lately, whenever her thoughts turned to Erin, her brain floated up the image of her close to tears that night the team had returned from Texas, when she had opened herself up to Alex in an effort to get her to forgive, and every time her heart ached. She didn't want to think about the reason why her heart might hurt so much at the thought of Erin, because acknowledging that would require a little more emotional honesty than she wanted to work through at the moment. She was still building her relationships with the team, and she didn't want to throw Erin into that mix, even if she was sleeping with Rossi at the moment. And yet, she also knew how much of a battle it was to stave off an addiction, and that there were real issues with people entering into a relationship so soon after attaining sobriety. For all she despised Erin, she didn't want to see her slide back into the arms of alcohol, since no one deserved that. Even if she never spoke to the woman ever again, there were still things that she wouldn't even wish on her worst enemy.

Shaking her head a little, Alex picked up her phone and looked at the display. It was nearly ten, and the papers would wait until the next evening to finish, as she didn't need to have them finished until Thursday, after all. Sitting up, she slipped off the sofa and cracked her back to work out the kinks that had developed while she had been hunched over grading before making her way upstairs.

Bypassing the bedroom, she went into the bathroom and stripped off her clothes, dropping them into a pile on the floor before stepping into the shower and turning it on. The cold blast of water at the beginning woke her up a little, and she let out a long breath as she stamped her feet a little to brush off the cold while the water warmed up, until the temperature was right, and then she went about washing her body and hair. Humming beneath her breath, Alex thought about how the next day would go. She and Reid were going to lead a class on forensic linguistics, and she was looking forward to that small pivot from academic teaching to more hands on applications of the major passion of her life.

"Erin would say that you are looking forward to this too much," she said as she rinsed the soap from her body and then turned the water off. Standing in the shower, she allowed the excess water to drip off her body before grabbing a towel and wrapping it around her body. Stepping out, she twisted her hair up in another towel to let it dry before she picked up her lotion and worked the crème into her skin to help keep in the moisture. Once that was accomplished, she removed both towels, dropping them in the hamper before scooping up her clothes and sorting the dirty ones into the hamper before picking up her phone and heading into her bedroom.

Alex tossed the phone onto the bed before hanging up her blouse and trousers. For some reason, her eyes darted over to the full length mirror in the corner of her room, and she looked at her body critically. She had known that the passage of time had affected her body, but these last few months of chasing down unsubs had lent a little extra toning to her body. She chuckled a bit to know that James would appreciate the new lines she had, even as a small part of her brain whispered that Erin had always liked her soft. Shaking her head to quiet that voice, Alex opened her pyjama drawer and pulled out a short nightie before making her way back to the bed as she tugged it on.

Dropping down onto the bed, Alex reached over and picked up the book she was currently reading, It was an engrossing novel, and she was glad that James had suggested it to her. She had so completely lost herself in the words on the page that she didn't realise that her phone was ringing until it had almost gone to voicemail. "Hello?" she answered a bit breathlessly, not knowing why she sounded like that, since she hadn't done anything more than fish around for her phone.

"Were you sleeping, Alex?"

Her face relaxed into a smile as she shoved the bookmark between the pages of her book and dropped it back onto her nightstand as she sat up and rested against the headboard. "No, I was actually in the middle of a book and lost track of time. I should have been finishing up some grading, but I have tomorrow evening to do that, and wanted a little time to myself?"

"That's perfectly valid. What are you reading?"

"Don't laugh, because it is so completely out of my wheelhouse, but it's Clive Cussler's Raise the Titanic!. It is completely ridiculous, especially since we know that it is impossible to do just that, after Ballard's discovery of the wreck, but I sort of get the appeal of turning your brain off and just going with what's written on the page."

"Sometimes that can be the best thing, yes. Are you home this week, then?"

Alex let out a breathy sigh as she nodded. "Yes. And I'm really glad for it, as it's allowed me to catch up on life at home. Though Reid and I are teaching a class on forensic linguistics tomorrow, and I am looking forward to that a lot. Though the students might regret having me as a teacher, since I tend to be a little…"

"Driven?"

"That is one way to put it, yes," she said with a laugh and smiled down into her lap. She knew that she should be prying for more information about Louise, in order to try and figure out why she was familiar to Alex. "But this will just prepare me for classes on Thursday. I've missed my students, and hopefully, I won't have any drama with them like I had with the team. Well, not the whole team, just Rossi."

"What happened?"

There was a sharpness to Louise's tone that took Alec by surprise, since she knew that the woman didn't really know Rossi beyond what Alex had said about him. "We were still working that horrible case in California, which is the reason why we're home right now, since Rossi went to Mexico to try and track down the unsubs, so since we're a member down, we drew the short stick of home. Anyway, before I get off on a tangent about that, let me circle back to the issue at hand."

"I like listening to your voice, so you don't have to feel bad for tangents."

That was the most personal thing that she had heard Louise utter, and she rubbed her thigh absently as she thought of a way to respond. "I like listening to your voice, too," she finally said before taking a deep breath and continuing on to her tiff with Rossi. "So, Rossi is sleeping with Erin, I think I've told you about that. Anyway, I was asking that he take into consideration the fact that she's not even a year out of rehab yet, and shouldn't really be in a relationship right now. That's one of the tenets of AA, after all, because it is such a volatile time for her. And even though I don't want to reconcile with her, I still don't want to see her hurt. Rossi didn't take too kindly to that, and intimated that things weren't even that serious between them, like it was just a casual friends with benefits thing."

"And why does this bother you if you don't care for Erin?"

That was a good question, and she took a few moments to answer. "Because I know that Erin is a steadfast woman in her intimate relationships. She wouldn't just sleep with him as some random hook up, as that's not her style. So that means she most likely is more invested in this relationship than he is, and that's not fair to her. I just, I don't know why I feel so conflicted, because I shouldn't be, but I don't want her to end up hurt."

"And she's the same age as you, yes?"

"Yes."

"Well, then, I should think that she is a fully functional adult who can make her own choices and doesn't need you to police them for her? Being concerned is one thing, but if you're not going to go to her with those concerns, well, then maybe you know that it's really none of your business?"

Once more, Alex was shocked by how vociferously Louise was reacting, since this didn't seem like a normal reaction for the woman. "I, I didn't think…"

"It is quite clear that you haven't, Alex. Good night."

And before she could say anything more, Louise had hung up the phone, leaving the empty sound of a disconnected call in Alex's ear. Slowly, she pulled the phone away from her head to look at the display, almost willing Louise to call her back, so that they could work this out. She didn't know why the woman was so upset, she didn't know why her concern for Erin would be seen as interfering in a situation that she wasn't a part of. Because she was a part of the situation, no matter what Louise might think. Anything that would affect the cohesion of the team was something they all needed to be concerned with, and she didn't understand why her friend didn't realise that.

Reaching up to touch her cheek, Alex was surprised to find that there were tears wetting the skin there, as she hadn't realized that she had started crying at some point. And since she didn't have a number for Louise, she couldn't call her back to press for the reason why she was so upset. "This is going to be a long night," she muttered as she plugged the phone onto the charger and then scooted down on the bed so as to stare up at the ceiling. "You need to get to sleep so that you can teach well tomorrow, Alex. You can't allow this argument to throw you off your game, because Spencer will ask questions that you don't really want to answer." Taking a few deep breaths, Alex reached for James's pillow and drew it close to her chest as she turned onto her side and curled her body around it. Somehow, though, she knew that it was going to be a long, restless, night.

"If you have something to offer the team, Alex, spit it out. It's better than having you sit there with that look on your face."

She frowned a little deeper as she looked up from her tablet into Hotch's eyes, seeing that he was giving her an almost disappointed look, and she shrugged a little before motioning for him to continue with what he was saying as she turned her attention back to the tablet. There was something about this case that was bothering her, but she couldn't quite put her finger on what it was. And there was the fact that Erin had gone from trying to be in her personal bubble whenever possible to actively avoiding her at work, to the point where she would turn on her heel and walk in the opposite direction if she saw Alex in the hallway, along with her inability to talk with Louise, since the woman hadn't called back to talk to her since their disastrous disagreement, that added up to everything in her life just irritating her and she wanted to sink into the depths of academia once more, preferably for an entire semester.

"I don't have a look on my face," she finally snapped, giving him a small glare before turning her attention back to her tablet, trying to ignore the small whispers that started up between JJ and Reid. She knew that she probably should have taken a moment to think about her retort, but she had been so annoyed by his response that she had spoken before thinking.

"Reid, JJ, Morgan, why don't you join Rossi out there in talking with Lieutenant?"

There was a small shuffle of feet and papers before the others left the room, and Alex flinched a little as the door closed firmly behind Morgan. She should have expected to receive a quick drubbing from Hotch, but it was still a bit of a surprise. Still, she did the childish thing and kept her face buried in her tablet as he took a seat next to her, and a heavy silence fell over the room as they each waited for the other to speak the first word.

"All right, I don't like this part of my job, but there is something bothering you, and it is affecting the dynamic of the team. Do I need to send you home, or can we talk about it for a moment to get it out of your system? I know that you're a private person, like myself, but there comes a time when we have to use our words. Usually, I call Dave, since he's my closest friend. I don't know you well enough to know if you have someone like that in your life, but…"

"I made her mad." Her words came out in a harsh whisper, and she tried not to flinch when he rested his hand atop hers. "We were having a discussion the other night, about some concerns that I have with Erin and her relationship with Rossi, and I think that I said something to hurt my friend, since she hung up on me, and I can't get in touch with her."

"You don't have her phone number?" he asked as he squeezed her hand a little.

"You'll laugh at my naiveté, but we've never shared anything more personal than our names. James told one of his friends to continue our tradition of midnight calls when I came back to the BAU, since he knew that our timing would be so far out of sync that we couldn't easily do that. And she's always called me from a private number."

Hotch's thumb tapped rapidly against her hand, causing Alex to look up into his face. He was giving her a sympathetic, though concerned, look and she took a deep breath as she shrugged a little. "Why would you answer a private number in the first place?"

"I assumed that it was James, that first call. He often calls from private numbers when he's on assignment with MSF, since he's in situations that are less than safe. And it was nice to have an anonymous voice to talk at, since it's easier to say certain things to someone who doesn't know the situation. But as the weeks have gone by, I've gotten the feeling that I might know Louise outside of our phone relationship."

He nodded a little as he squeezed her hand once more. "And you're missing her now, because she hasn't called in a few days?"

"More like a week. I just want to apologize to her and try to figure out where everything went wrong. I know, you don't have to say it, I've let my personal life bleed into the case, and I'll try to do better. I just feel a little off kilter still, since everything is so new."

Hotch gave her a small smile before patting her hand softly. "I understand that, Alex. Just, try to be a little more open with us, or at least JJ. She's mentioned off hand that she likes you."

"And I enjoy her company, as well." She returned the smile before straightening her shoulders and taking a deep breath. "Is this your version of a come to Jesus talk?"

He chuckled as he ruffled his hair a little before nodding. "I don't like yelling. It occurred far too often in my house when I was growing up for me to be comfortable with it, and I learned that sometimes being disappointed with someone can lead to positive results far more quickly than being angry."

Alex filed that piece of information away in her brain for future reference as she nodded. "All right, I'll try to do better. I promise."

"Just act a little bit engaged and focus on the task at hand. And maybe this Louise will call this evening, and you can start to build your friendship back again." Before he rose to his feet, Hotch reached out and rested his hand on her shoulder, patting it a few times before leaving the room to gather the others. While he was gone, Alex composed herself and took a few deep breaths, taking Hotch's advice to get her house in order before the others returned and they focused on hunting down this unsub and finding the missing family before anything bad happened to them.

By the end of the day, she was in a much better headspace, though they returned to the hotel much too close to midnight for her liking, just in case Louise happened to call. "You are wound tighter than drum, Alex," JJ said as she unlocked the door and let them inside their room.

"Yes, well, I was hoping that I'd get a call from Louise tonight, but we're so close to the appointed hour that I just feel tense." She drifted over to her bed and sagged down onto it, burying her face in one hand as she took a deep breath and tried to resign herself to the fact that she probably would not be hearing from Louise that evening. In the quiet that fell over the room, she heard the quiet sounds of JJ changing into her pyjamas before she went into the bathroom to take care of her evening needs.

Once Alex was alone, she took off her boots and peeled off her socks, taking care of them before pulling out her nightwear and hurriedly changing, not knowing when JJ might return. After smoothing the shirt down her torso, Alex tugged the hairband out of her ponytail and shook her head before running a brush through her hair and then climbing into bed as she plugged her phone into the charger and stretched out, trying to relax enough to fall into sleep. She had almost gotten to that point when her phone jangled, and she sat up with a start to hear it.

"Looks like you're going to get that call after all, and at midnight right on the nose."

"Yeah," she breathed out as she picked up pillow and blanket, making her way over to the balcony. She fumbled with the phone as she answered it and opened the door, letting herself out onto the balcony. "Hello? Louise?"

"Well, it's not the Queen of Sheba," the woman responded archly, and Alex chuckled as she took a seat on the chair provided, curling up with the blanket close around her as she stared up into the night sky. "I'm sorry that it's been so long since I called. I just needed a little bit of space to cool off before we spoke again. And perhaps it would have been better if I had called, to talk this out before it became too large a stumbling block, but my feelings were hurt and I didn't want to hurt you in return."

Louise took a deep breath, which allowed Alex to have a way into the conversation. "I'm glad that you did call. I, I didn't quite realise just how much I've come to look forward to talking with you until things were quiet. I'm sorry, I should have been a little more circ*mspect with my words, as it is clear that something I said dug a knife into a wound in your heart."

"Yes, unwittingly you did. In the past, I would have laid into you, reacting with anger, but I've been learning to control my feelings over the last year, so I thought that I would try to take time to work through my feelings before I took them out on another person. It seems I can't win for losing."

"You're calling now, and that's all that matters. Hotch gave me his little 'I'm so disappointed in you' speech today, because I couldn't concentrate, and there's a family that's counting on us to find them. And we have to find them, I don't want to think about another entire family being annihilated at the hands of a sad*stic unsub."

"Family annihilators are the worst, and they're so rare."

Alex frowned a little at those words, wondering just how Louise would know that little bit of information. And Hotch was right, she did need to know more about the woman she was conversing with, and why she felt so familiar to Alex. "That's right, they are. I'm surprised that someone outside the BAU would know that, though, since they're splashed across the media every time it happens, which makes it sound like it's more common than it is."

"There are just some things that a person know," Louise answered quickly, which caused Alex to frown. Again, there was that achingly familiar aspect to the woman's voice, but she didn't want to push things too far in that moment, not when she had this chance to talk to Louise and get her feeling out in the open. "Do you think that you'll be there much longer?"

"I hope not. I don't like this place, it's too close to home, and I know that Scotty will be angry that I didn't at least call him or Dad to let them know that I was around. Not that I would have time to take a break and meet them for lunch and catching up."

"But they still would like a call, even if it's just you saying that you were thinking of them. They're your family, after all."

"And they're damn hard to talk to. Mom understood that the written word was always easier for me, that I preferred to think and write out what I had to say so that I didn't make any hasty decisions. Except, when it comes to you, that doesn't seem to be the case. My mouth is always running with just the slightest prodding from you. And that unnerves me because the last person that I shared such an easy connection with is also the woman who betrayed me so deeply."

"You can't compare every person in your life to the Erin of your past."

"I know, and I also know that you're going to tell me to give her a second chance, since people can change in the space of a few years, but I still don't feel ready to give up this hurt and anger. I, I don't think I'd know who I am without them."

"And that is understandable, but you can also create a new person without this anger, too. Perhaps, in time, you can start to build a new version of yourself that leaves that all behind?"

"Maybe. I'll think about it."

"That's all anyone can ask, Alex. Now, tell me about your day after Aaron got after you."

Alex nodded as she settled in for their chat, and she felt the lingering tension start to bleed from her body as she spoke with her friend.

Alex woke up with a song on her lips, and JJ giggled a little as she reached out to turn off their alarm. "Thank goodness Louise called you last night, as you are in a much better mood today than yesterday."

"It was a good call, yes. I hope that you didn't stay up until we were finished to make certain that everything was okay. We talked for close to forty minutes."

"No, I couldn't get settled down for some reason. Though I did notice that you went right to sleep as soon as you were in bed. I wish that sleep came that easily to me."

She shrugged a little as she got out of bed and picked up clean clothes for the day. "I think that I was too tense this last week, worrying about if I would ever hear from my friend again, and it took a toll on me, physically. Now, though, I feel quite refreshed. Even if my brain wants to now work on the puzzle of just who Louise is."

"Oh?" JJ asked as she started to dress for the day, heedless of her brief flashes of skin as she focused her attention on Alex. "And you'll need to hurry and dress, remember, Hotch wants to do a brief run through of what we know while we eat breakfast."

She nodded and began to dress, trying to not be quite so prudish, knowing JJ wasn't paying any attention to her. "Yes, I have the distinct feeling that Louise is not who she seems to be. In my little chat with Hotch yesterday, he brought up the idea that I don't really know all that much about her. And he's right. She's familiar to me, and she knows where we're going to be, enough where she knows exactly when my midnight is. I've never thought to ask James about his friend, because I've just gone with it."

"You needed someone to listen to, and sometimes that can override our natural inclination to question things. It's not the wisest course of action, I'll grant you that, but it is completely understandable."

Alex nodded as she finished dressing, taking a seat on the bed to step into her boots before tying them tightly. "But that still doesn't explain why I feel like I know her. I wish that you could listen in without violating the sanctity of our phone time, but that wouldn't be fair to Louise. At least things are going better today, and I need to push the urge to figure this puzzle out of my mind so that I can focus on the case at hand."

"You know that it's going to itch the back of your brain until you figure it out," JJ teased as they strapped on their guns before leaving the hotel room. "I mean, I would keep a small portion of my brain working away at it even subconsciously while we are working."

She laughed quietly as they made their way over to the elevators, joining Rossi there. He gave her a wide smile and she co*cked her head to one side as she regarded him carefully, trying to figure out why he was looking at them that way. "You are in a much better mood this morning, Alex. Hotch will be glad to see that, since he was not looking forward to another day of you moping around with a glower on your face."

Alex drew herself up to her full height as she turned to face him, giving him a withering look as the elevator doors slid open. "I do not know what you're talking about, Dave. I most certainly do not glower," she said before stepping into the elevator.

"And just now you totally sounded like Erin," he shot back. Alex shook her head and fiercely pressed the button for the lobby and pressed herself into the corner of the car, her good mood rapidly evaporating with his teasing. "Oh come off it, Alex! You two were peas in a pod back in the day, and there are times when I see you come out from her, and this is one of those times where she comes out of you. It's rather nice to see that even after all these years, there are pieces of your friendship still evident in each other. I hope that there are pieces of Jason that still show in me."

JJ nudged her side a little, and Alex nodded absently as she struggled to find her good mood place once more. It had been so good to hear from Louise last night, after all, and she wanted to hold on to that high as they worked the rest of this case. "Erin is a hard person to completely excise from your life. You end up caring for her more than you would have thought possible. And mirroring is a very common form of bonding with friends. I'm certain that JJ will come out with pieces of Emily at times, too."

"There is that. But I don't think Emily will ever pick up Jen's love of Cheetos."

"Hey!" JJ piped out as the elevator doors slid open on the ground floor, and they all stepped out of the car and made their way over to the breakfast nook. The only member missing was Morgan, but Alex was fast growing accustomed to the fact that he liked to sleep in as late as possible when out in the field. "Cheetos are a refined snack that only the very best people enjoy."

Alex stifled a giggle as she shook her head. "I suppose that I am not one of those very best people, then. I much prefer pretzel rods, because they're clean and I can have my hands free when I'm working on a crossword puzzle."

"Let me guess, you're like Reid and only do them in pen."

"Is there any other way to do them?" she asked as they went over to the buffet and filled their plates with food. Not feeling all that hungry, Alex went with a bagel and peanut butter that morning, alongside a large glass of orange juice. After setting that down next to JJ's food, Alex went over to the coffee machine, finding that Hotch and Rossi were already deep in conversation as she approached them.

She fully expected to hear them discussing the case, since that was usually what they did, so she was unprepared for what she heard. "…Beth's decision. She knew that she had to get up early in the morning, but we still had to touch base before the night was too late. But you and Erin had a very short call last night."

Rossi shrugged a little as he added a dab of cream to his coffee. "Erin said that she had another call to make, and that we'd talk more tonight. It's not like we talk about anything too important, she just uses me as a sounding board when she gets low. And it's nice to have someone to go home to when the nights are lonely. Even if it's not serious."

Hotch nodded a little as he finished filling his cup. "That's all well and good, but who exactly was Erin going to call at one o'clock in the morning? She should have been going to sleep."

Alex felt her entire body turn cold as the connotation of that response filled her senses, and she woodenly filled her coffee mug before drifting back over to their table and taking a seat, trying to understand what she had overheard. The moment she was seated, JJ leaned over and looked into her face. "Is everything all right, Alex? You suddenly look like you've seen a ghost."

"I feel like I have. I'm sorry if I come off as a little spacy today, just nudge me every so often if it looks like I've zoned out. Please."

"Of course," JJ replied, giving her a small smile before digging into her breakfast. Alex took a few deep breaths as she spread the peanut butter over her bagel slowly. The others joined them shortly, and a companionable silence fell over the table as they all waited for Morgan to join them so that they could get the informal briefing started.

"Hey, hey, hey, hope I haven't kept you all waiting," the man in question said with a grin on his lips as he entered the breakfast nook. JJ gave him a look before she went back to her cereal, and Alex once more stifled a giggle at that. It was good to have something to take her mind off the truth that she was rapidly coming to believe, after all. The pieces were falling into place to reveal the picture that Alex had never thought she would see, and she didn't know how to feel.

Somehow, Alex managed to pay attention throughout the briefing, and appeared with it enough that Hotch didn't call her out on her wandering mind. She was grateful for the fact that she had learned how to compartmentalize early at the Academy, since she knew that the case at hand was more important than her personal life. Still, she desperately wanted to ask Rossi if he knew exactly who had been calling her all along. There might be time enough for that on the jet home, when they could perhaps find a private moment for her to question him.

"All right, Blake, I want you and JJ to head out to the nanny's house and question her about what she might know about this family and if there's anyone she can think of that would want to do them harm. We'll regroup at the precinct at noon. Let's head out."

She nodded as they got to their feet and cleaned off the table before heading outside to the SUVs. "Do you want to drive, Alex?" JJ asked as they approached one of the vehicles.

"Would you?" JJ nodded and got behind the wheel as Alex pulled herself into the passenger seat, trying to come up with a list of questions to ask the nanny. There were quite a few that she knew that should be asked, but time was of the essence, and so she'd have to narrow them down to the fewest, most pertinent ones. It was only once they were underway that she realized JJ kept glancing at her, a look of concern on her face. "What?"

"We can focus on the details of the case in a few moments, I just need to hear from your lips that everything is all right. You were in such a good mood this morning, and even though you were prickly with Rossi in the elevator, I know that you weren't upset, per se. So why has that suddenly changed? If you get it out of your system, then you can focus on the case all the better."

"I have to have your word that you won't tell anyone else this, Jen."

"If you're using my name, it must be really important, so of course."

Alex took a deep breath as she turned her head to look out the window. "I think that I know why Louise has sounded familiar from the outset of our calls. And I don't know how I feel about my supposition."

"All right, so who do you think that she is?"

"Based on what Hotch and Rossi were talking about at the coffee machine? I'm about ninety five percent certain that my midnight caller is Erin. She would know exactly where we are at any given moment and then would know what time to call me. It makes sense that she was upset when I called out the way I feel Rossi treats her. But I wish that I knew for certain. I just, I cannot believe that I told her some of the things that I did. I was so open to her as Louise when I am still so angry with her as Erin."

Letting out a deep breath, she turned to look at JJ, hoping to see that she understood her very muddled thoughts. "I can see where that would be something you would find unsettling, yes. We'll talk more on the jet home, because you need to unpack it a little before you say or do something rash. And if Louise happens to call again tonight, you'll have to act like you know nothing, otherwise things could go disastrously, and we don't want that to happen."

She nodded as she sighed once more. "All right, sounds like a plan. And hopefully, now that it's out in the world, I'll find my focus to finish this case well and then dwell on what's happening when it's the right time." Smiling, JJ nodded as she stepped on the accelerator a little heavier, and Alex went back to paring down the questions that she wanted to ask the nanny, in order to get the information that they needed.

Despite her best intentions, there hadn't been an opportunity to catch Erin alone and call her out on lying to Alex before they had left on another case, and she didn't know if that was a good thing or not. Alex badly wanted to confront her former friend, to find out what she was playing at, since there didn't seem to be a reason for Erin to play games like this. Nor did it seem right for her to ignore what she knew in order to have a voice to vent to in the night, since she couldn't talk to her husband.

This case in Texas had definitely impeded that confrontation, and it was then that Alex knew Penelope was right about Texas cases being almost as bad as Florida cases. There was something so horrifying about an unsub trying to play at being Victor Frankenstein, and this was definitely a time where she would want to speak to James, since he would understand more about why it was so awful. It went beyond the obvious fact that someone was destroying two people's lives at once and into true body horror. "Alex?"

She turned her head to look at Hotch, giving him a small smile as she pushed away from the table and got to her feet, cracking her back as she shook her head. "Sorry, I was just thinking about how horrifyingly interesting James would find this case. I wish that I could send him the information, but I know that is an impossibility. He would understand, better than the others, about why I'm so unsettled by this."

Her supervisor nodded as they looked at the white board where all their information was collated. "I forget that you're married to a doctor at times, and so know a little more about cases like this. Do you think that there's anything that he might be able to offer us, in terms of finding us an in that we don't currently have?"

"I don't think so, Hotch. He would have to be here to examine the bodies, and I know that he can't get away from his duties in Gabon. I wish that we had the technology available to instantly teleport him here and back again, but until that happens, I'm the best that you have."

"And what a good best that is." He gave her one of those rare smiles he doled out at just the right moment. She returned the expression, feeling her cheeks pinken a little with a blush as she ducked her head and took a deep breath. There was still a sense of happiness that came with someone recognizing her worth as a person, not just how pretty she looked. "All right, I don't think that we're going to get much more accomplished this evening. Let's head back to the hotel and get settled in for the night. I'll send a quick text to the others, letting them know the plan."

"All right, Hotch." Alex slipped on her jacket before grabbing her bag and following Hotch from their temporary office, turning off the lights before closing the door. "Do you want me to drive?"

"No, I will."

She chuckled a little as she shook her head, somehow knowing that that would be his answer. Still, it was nice to have him driving, since that meant she could focus on thinking about what this case was all about. It still creeped her out to see bodies mutilated in that fashion, and she shuddered a little as she took a seat in the passenger side of the SUV. "I hope that I've been a little more focused these past few days."

"You have, yes. I take it that you and Louise have made up?"

Alex gave him a little nod as she pulled out her phone and checked her notifications. There wasn't anything important to see, and she put the device back in her pocket so that she could have a decent conversation with Hotch. "We have, yes, but I am still trying to figure out why she feels so familiar to me. I keep trying to ask personal questions, but Louise is very good at turning the conversation back around on me."

"That almost sounds like she's a profiler herself," he replied, arching an eyebrow at her as he pulled out into traffic. "Do you think that it could be someone you once worked with?"

She shrugged as she rubbed her upper chest absently. "The only other woman I worked with was Erin, and I would think that she would know enough not to circumvent my wishes by calling me under an assumed name?" Alex hated lying to Hotch, knowing that he did not like liars, but since she wasn't certain that it really was Erin calling her all the time, she supposed that it wasn't truly a lie, just a small admission of the truth. "Unless you think that it could be her?"

"I think that Dave would tell me if that were so. He knows Erin much more intimately than any of us do."

Alex let out a sigh as she nodded, happy that there wasn't really any hint that Erin was her midnight caller. "If it did turn out to be her, and you were me, would you be angry with the deception? I know that you don't like liars, but what about if it's for what could be considered the greater good?"

"I would still be upset with her, Alex. I haven't told the others what happened between you and Erin, since I want to keep some semblance of harmony between us and her, but what happened to you was horrific."

"She's tried to make amends, I just haven't been in the right headspace to think about taking hold of that olive branch." Alex broke off before she revealed something a little more personal about the relationship between her and Erin, even though she was certain he had heard the rumors of what happened between them. It had been the best office gossip fodder for months until the Amerithrax debacle.

When they arrived at the hotel, she smiled to see JJ in a deep conversation with Reid. Their friendship was one of the best things about the team, in Alex's opinion, since they were the youngest and needed to find comradery somewhere. "Well, whatever choice you make, we'll support you, Alex. That's what a team does."

Alex smiled as she got out of the vehicle and hurried inside the hotel, shivering a little, even though it was Texas and should have been warmer even in the fall. "That didn't take you guys too long," she said as she joined JJ and Reid at the elevator bank.

"We were headed back to the precinct anyway, so it was easy enough to just head here. I don't know where Rossi and Morgan are, though."

"Maybe they stopped for food?" Reid asked as they stepped onto the elevator. "I mean, we took time for a quick meal, but maybe they didn't have time to do that."

"Maybe," JJ replied, pressing the button for their floor. "What about you, Alex? Did you and Hotch get something to eat?"

She nodded as she leaned against the back of the elevator. "We did. And I wouldn't eat this late, anyway. It's nearly eleven!"

"Morgan will eat any time and anywhere," Reid quickly replied as he cracked his back. "He always says that he has to stay in fighting shape, and so eating all the time is what he needs to do."

"Again, that does not surprise me in the least," Alex said as the door opened on their floor. "We'll see you in the morning, Reid?"

"If there's not a break in the case."

She nodded and followed JJ down the hall to their room, stepping inside after her and locking the door once inside. "Do you want to shower first, Alex? I know that it's closer to midnight than not."

"That would be wonderful, thank you." She gave the younger woman a small smile before rummaging through her bag for pyjamas and her toiletries kit and heading into the bathroom. It didn't take long to strip down, and after everything was piled on the sink, she stepped into the shower and turned the water on, shivering beneath the cold stream as she waited for it to warm up. Once the temperature was a little more comfortable, Alex washed her hair and body, ruminating over what she and Aaron had talked about. He was correct, she was upset with the fact that Erin had circumvented her boundaries to get close to her once more, but there was still something wonderful about this contact with her. It had been so nice to unload on someone who was a cipher, but knowing that it was Erin behind everything also felt right. Though she wasn't about to let Erin know that right away.

Letting out a deep sigh, Alex rinsed her body before turning off the water and stepping onto the floor, wrapping a large towel around her body. It didn't take long for her to dry off, and then she was pulling on her pyjamas before tying back her hair and padding back into the outer room. "Finished already?"

"I feel like I was in there for an hour," she replied as she went to her bed and slumped down on it. "This case is just so creepy, that I feel like I just want to sleep away the memories of it."

"I feel the same way. Hopefully, we can figure out what is going on before more people are hurt. I'm going to go try and wash away the memories of today."

Alex nodded absently as the woman went into the bathroom, and once the door was closed, she picked up her phone and began to go through her emails, answering what she could in that moment, starring the ones she'd have to answer later, when they were home. She was just hitting send on the last one when her phone began to vibrate in her hand, and she knew that it was Erin calling. "Good evening," she answered, hoping that Erin wouldn't hear the slight touch of frost in her voice. "Please give me a moment to grab a blanket before heading out onto the balcony. It's rather cold tonight, and my hair is still wet."

"Take your time, Alex."

She cleared her throat as she slipped off the bed, bundling up the comforter in her arms before trundling over to the balcony door and letting herself outside. After curling up in the chair, she brought the phone to her ear. "All right, I'm back. This case is going to be one of those ones that stick with me, I can just feel it."

"Do you want to talk about it or listen to me prattle on tonight? You always ask that I say more about myself, after all."

"It might be nice to hear more about yourself, Louise. Maybe you could tell me a little more about your favorite vacation?"

Alex had deliberately chosen that topic, since she wondered if Erin would tell her about the time that they went to Niagara Falls, since she knew that had been one of her favorite experiences. "When I was young, my best friend and I went north to Niagara Falls during spring break. She knew that I needed the time away from the pressures of school, and remembered that I had mentioned always wanting to see them. It was cold for April, but that just allowed me to stick close to her side. I worshipped the ground she walked on, because she was always so cool and calm. I tried to learn that from her, but I think I went a little too far in the cool department and ended up in icy cold territory. But for that week, we explored the town and had those deep conversations that you can only have when you're young and idealistic."

She was surprised to find a giant lump growing in her throat at the wistful tone in Erin's voice. Alex struggled to find the anger in her heart at what Erin had done to her so long ago, as she wasn't ready to let that go. The tug on her heartstrings, though, told her that her heart was starting to thaw towards Erin. "Those can be the best conversations, as they stay in your memory for years to come. What else about that trip was good for you?"

Erin launched into her story and Alex found herself relaxing as she listened to Erin's version of their vacation, and why she had loved it so much, though she was surprised to hear that the woman conveniently skirted around the fact that they had shared a bed that entire week, and had finally become physical the night before they had gone back to Quantico. "And now you're yawning so deeply, you must be exhausted. I'll let you go so that you can sleep, Alex. Have a good evening, and sleep well."

Before she could stop her words, Alex responded, "You as well, Erin." They both gasped in unison, and Alex hung up before the woman could say anything else to her, not wanting to acknowledge the fact that she had just burst the bubble on their little ruse and knowing that it would be that much more difficult to concentrate on an already brutal case with the fact that the truth was now in the ether, and she didn't know how Erin and she would move on from here.

In the time between when the team had landed in Quantico and when they took off again for their latest case, Alex had been quite conspicuous in avoiding Erin at all costs. That was made easier by the fact that they had only one day in the office, since they had returned from Texas on a Thursday. Still, she felt jumpy and uneasy, as if Erin would pop out of the woodwork at any moment in order to ambush her and suddenly feel like they had made up because Alex had been stupid enough to let Erin know that she had recognized her on that last call. Even Aaron seemed to know that something was off with her, as the moment that they had finished briefing the case, he pulled her aside and brought her into the galley for a little chat.

"Do you want any coffee?" he asked as he began to brew himself a cup, and she shook her head as she leaned against the other side of the cramped space. "So, I think you probably know why I've pulled you in here. I wanted to do it before we left on this case, but time got away from me. Are you having more issues with your midnight caller? Jen mentioned that you seemed a little stressed after your call while we were down in Texas."

She gave him a small shrug as she looked down at her shoes. "I want to say no, everything is fine, but you're good at calling us all out on our bullsh*t. I did find out something a bit distressing about my caller, but it's something that I would like to keep to myself until I can get a few more answers from her. I promise that it won't affect my job performance, but I know that you'll be able to keep me on my toes, if I should slip."

"That I will, Alex. And you are free to come talk to me at any time. That's what a good Unit Chief does, listen and lead."

Alex looked up at him and smiled as she nodded. "I may take you up on that offer, if I find that my predicament becomes a little more than I can bear. Though you might already know why I'm reticent to speak too much about this caller of mine."

"I think that I've been gaining an inkling, yes. And I will reiterate that the team will have your back no matter what the outcome of this all is. We've had to stick together, and we've become a family as a result. I know that you've had a bit of a hard time fitting in with us all, but you're still a part of that family." He reached out and gave her shoulder an affectionate pat before turning back to his coffee, which she assumed meant she was free to join the others once more. Heading back to the seat she'd left, Alex picked up the file of information and began to look through it once more.

"This is going to be a weird case," Reid said without looking up from his own file, and Alex raised her eyebrows for a moment as she set her folder down to look at him.

"What makes you say that?"

"The kid thinks that it will be another hippy dippy case, Blake."

She turned to look at Derek, seeing that he was giving her that slightly smarmy grin he always seemed to wear when he was about to say something that might be a little controversial. Still, Alex rose to the bait by taking a deep breath before asking, "And why would that be, Derek?"

"Because we're in the land of crunchy granola people, and we all know the freaky things those types can get up to."

Hotch cleared his throat as he walked past them to take a seat next to Dave, and Alex gave him a small nod before picking up the file and glancing it over once more. "You do realise that that says more about you than it does about the people that we're going to Oregon to find and protect. Are you certain that this is the time and place to air opinions like that?" she asked coolly, never lifting her eyes from the words on the page in an effort to let him know that she was not impressed with the casual bigotry he was putting on clear display.

There was a long silence before Derek finally responded. "No, I guess that you're right."

Though his tone was petulant, Alex knew that she would take the win for what it was worth. The rest of the flight was quiet as they studied the material on the case, and Alex was glad for that. She knew that Derek would be more standoffish towards her once more, but she found that she didn't really mind, though she hoped that Aaron wouldn't expect them to work together during the case. Though if what she remembered about Rossi was still true, he would probably put a bug in his ear to make certain that they did, since that would help promote harmony in the team.

They hit the ground running, and Alex found herself pouring everything into the case, not sparing a thought for her Erin dilemma until they were riding back to the hotel, not anywhere close to catching this unsub. JJ had joined her in the back of the SUV that Hotch was driving, leaving Reid and Morgan to drive the other one back to the hotel. "Hey, everything all right?" the woman asked, and Alex met Aaron's eye in the rearview mirror as she nodded.

"Yes, I'm just a little frustrated at the fact that we kept hitting dead ends today. Hopefully, tomorrow will be a better day." JJ nodded and gave her a little smile before looking out the window, which allowed Alex to shrink into herself once more. She wondered when Erin would call her on this case, since she knew that it would be inevitable that she called. Still, as she took stock of the last few months she had been with the team, she knew that those calls from 'Louise' had helped to settle her and work out her feelings about returning to the BAU after such a long absence. A part of her wanted to keep up that pretense, since that allowed her a buffer between the real world conflict she was having with Erin, and the imaginary world that she had created with her alter ego.

Trudging up to their hotel room, Alex felt like she wanted to hear from Erin sooner rather than later, but that was still hours away. Turning to JJ as soon as they were in the room, she gave her a tired smile as she sank down onto her bed. "You look exhausted."

"I feel that way. I'm going to just head to sleep now, and if my call comes, hopefully, I wake up in time to answer."

"Hold your phone in your hand beneath your pillow. The rumble of it in your hand combined with the vibrations that come up through the pillow will wake you quick enough. Believe me, it's a trick I used many a time when Henry was colicky."

Alex nodded as she took off her boots. "That is a good trick to try. Ugh, I don't even know if I have enough energy to change."

JJ nodded, a soft smile on her lips. "Well, nap now until your call comes through, and then change into pyjamas. Make certain you take your bra off, though, because those are a bitch to sleep in."

Alex chuckled a little as she nodded, contorting her body to slip out of her bra without undoing all of her clothing before she stretched out on top of the covers, her hand clutching her phone as she allowed herself to drift off to sleep, hoping that Erin would either call that evening, or not call at all. She didn't feel like she wanted to drag this on for very long, she just wanted to get that case's call over and done with. She was asleep in minutes, though it was a light sleep, and she felt like she could hear every noise in the room going on around her, until some time later her phone began to vibrate in her hand before the ringtone began to play. Hurriedly, she answered, mumbling tiredly, "Hang on, I'm just waking up. It was a long day."

Not listening for Erin's reply, she sat up and looked over at JJ, seeing that the woman was fast asleep, and decided to try and carry on their conversation indoors, as she really didn't feel like moving at the moment. Scooting backwards, she rested her back against the headboard and slipped her feet beneath the covers to keep them warm as she talked with the woman. "Are we good now?"

"It all depends on our definition of the word good, Louise."

There was a short pause before Erin began to speak once more, and Alex used the pause to grab the other pillow and hug it against her chest with her free hand. "Alex, I, I'm sorry. I should have ended this charade weeks ago, and let you know that I was the one calling you. I just, I didn't want to give up this friendly connection that we had made. I, I can just hang up and we can pretend this never…"

"No, Louise. Tell me about your day, tell me something you did that made you smile."

"Alex…"

"Yes, Louise. That is exactly what I want to hear." Alex hoped that her insistence on using the name Erin had chosen for this little ruse would tell her that it was a ruse they were going to continue with, if she wanted this fragile friendship to continue. And Alex found that she did want this relationship to go forward, since it had been so nice getting to talk to someone who was an open ear. "Louise?"

"So, we're going to play this ruse out to the end?"

"Yes. It's what I want, because I really like Louise, even if I'm still upset with Erin. It is a distinction that I have to keep for the time being."

"All right, I can live with that." Erin sniffed delicately, which told Alex that she had started to cry a little, and she let out a long, quiet, breath, trying not to wake JJ. "Something that made me smile today was I got to watch my middle child's indoor soccer game, which meant I was able to see him score two goals. After the game, he treated me to dinner, since my partner is currently away on business. I miss him, but I have the feeling that we might not be together much longer. But I don't want to have a depressing conversation tonight, since we've already been a little testy with each other, and I want to try and keep things light. Was there anything that made you smile today? Despite the horridness of the case?"

"You're going to think this extremely petty, but I managed to put a coworker in his place while on the plane ride here. He made a crass statement about the type of people that live here in Oregon and I replied and let him know that I didn't appreciate the stereotyping that he was doing."

"Agent Morgan can truly toe the line of good taste," Erin muttered, and Alex tried to choke back her giggle, knowing that she could potentially wake JJ, but failed. "I'm sorry, I don't know him, do I?"

"Louise is not supposed to know him, no. Since I haven't told James about him to this extent. But it feels good to know that I'm not alone in my frustration, even though we're still not to a real place of reconciliation yet."

Alex didn't know why she had added that modifier to that statement, but it felt right in that moment. "Well, Louise is hopeful that there can be a place of reconciliation that happens at some point, when we're both ready for that to occur. But if you're this tired, I should really let you get some sleep."

"It's three in the morning in Quantico. You have to be exhausted as well, Lou."

"I took a nap before I called you. And it will be easy enough to fall back asleep when we're done talking. But you need to be fresh for you case tomorrow, so I'm going to let you go. Sleep well, Lexie." There was a slight catch in Erin's breath, as if she wanted to say something else but thought better of it before she disconnected the call, leaving Alex to stare at her phone in slight annoyance.

"You, too, Erin," she muttered before plugging her phone into the charger and stretching out in the bed, still hugging the pillow close to her chest as she easily drifted off to sleep once more, still thinking about Erin and where they might go from here.

Another Florida case had popped up on their radar, and while it wasn't quite a creepy as what had happened in Oregon, it was still a weird case. Alex was glad that they were staying in the same time zone, since that meant her call with Erin would be at a decent time for them both, as she had truly felt things start to shift in her heart with regards to her friend. And she couldn't help but notice that she was starting to think of Erin as her friend once more, not even calling her Louise in her mind when she thought about their calls.

"Florida cases are the worst," JJ said as they pulled into the Chinese food place that Garcia had sourced for them when they had called it a day at the precinct. "I know that this isn't as bad as some of the other ones we've gone through since you joined the team, but I can't help but feel that it is probably going to get worse, just because of what state we're in. I hate stereotyping an entire geographic area, but it seems like the cases here are horrible from the get go or they just go south quickly. I don't think I ever told you about the time we were down here with Strauss, did I?"

Alex shook her head as JJ parked, and the younger woman gave her a wry smile as they got out and headed into the restaurant. There was a bit of a queue, which meant that she would perhaps get the story before they ordered their food, and that made her somewhat happy. "What happened?"

"We were investigating a death at a military school, and it was so abusive. The Director was the one who ordered us down there, and he sent Strauss along to be the political heavy, to try and open the doors that he assumed would just be slammed in Hotch's face. I mean, she is very good at playing the political game and getting her way. But this was a Florida case, through and through, and we didn't realise at the time that she was battling her own demons that were clouding her judgment. It was so bad, and I have no idea how we all held it together when we realized that some of the children were hazed by being shoved into industrial strength washers. And, as I look back at everything, I don't blame Strauss for drinking on that case. Yes, I know it was part of her disease, as she explained to me and Emily as she made amends to us, but it brought out a fire in her that was fiercely protective of those children. For all her faults, it is so obvious that she loves children and would do anything to protect them."

Alex nodded absently, thinking about how Erin had always taken time to ask after Ethan. And a part of her wanted to reveal to JJ that she had once had a son, but still, it didn't feel like the right time. "That is true," she finally replied as they stepped up to the counter, quickly placing their orders and paying before taking a seat at an open table. "Erin was always protective of those who couldn't really defend themselves. It is truly her best quality." For the first time in close to two decades, Alex found herself easily saying kind words about Erin, and she knew that it was a direct result of the conversations that she had been having with the woman late at night. The honest conversations that they had, despite the slight deception of who Alex had been talking to, had led to this softening of her anger. And she found that she didn't quite mind losing that ire, since it was truly a weight off her soul.

"What was she like, back when you worked with her the first time? You haven't really told us a lot about that time, which is understandable. But I have this burning need to know more."

Alex chuckled at the gossipy sound of JJ's voice, shaking her head a little as their food was delivered to the table. "Erin has always been driven and felt the need to get ahead in life. I think that stemmed from her father's desire to see her be the best. He wanted her to become a lawyer and then move up the ladder into real politics. He had her down as being the first female president, but she took a different path and decided to get into psychology, and from there, went into the Academy."

JJ nodded eagerly, clearly loving all that was being revealed, and Alex felt free enough to give her a little more information their time together at the Academy, since those were easy memories to discuss. By the time they headed back to the hotel, Alex was surprised to find just how much she had opened up to the younger woman, since she hadn't expected to feel so close to anyone on the team, after being burned by Erin. "Thanks for opening up to me, Alex. I know that you're more private than Emily is, so I appreciate getting to know you and Erin a little more tonight. And I hope this isn't too forward of me, but I really hope that there comes a time when you can find that closeness once more. I think about my friendship with Emily, and it feels to me like we're as close as you and Erin were, and I just, I want you to find that closeness once more. Because she's your best friend, and you should, I don't know, always try to make up with your friends?"

Alex shrugged a little as they entered the hotel, making their way over to the elevators. "I think that things are starting to thaw a little between us, though I'm not quite ready to let her know that. I have to do things on my own timeline, otherwise it won't be an honest reconciliation."

JJ nodded and they rode up to their room, and Alex decided to turn their conversation back to the case, since that was an easier discussion to have. By the time they reached their room, Alex felt a little more relaxed, a small part of her hoping that Erin would call that evening, since she hadn't called their first day on the case. "I'm going to take a shower now, if you don't mind. There's no reason for me to call home tonight, since Henry is already asleep."

"Is he sick?"

"Will thinks he has a stomach bug," JJ said with a small nod as she unlocked their door and let them inside. "And if you want to stay inside and talk to Louise, if she calls, feel free to do so. I know that it's Florida, but it's still supposed to get cold this evening. I'll just pop my headphones on to sleep, in order to give you some privacy."

"Thank you," Alex replied as she watched JJ rummage through her bag to grab out nightclothes and toiletries before she went into the bathroom. It was a little funny how quickly Alex had become accustomed to how little JJ wore to bed, now not blinking an eye at the skimpiness of her attire. A part of her knew that was because she was so much more comfortable with the woman as a friend, and she was glad that she hadn't made a big deal about it earlier, as it would have just made JJ uncomfortable in her own skin. That wouldn't have been fair to her, after all, and it would have made her integration with the team that much more difficult.

As soon as she heard the water of the shower, Alex stepped over to her bag and dug out her pyjamas and hurriedly changed before bringing her phone and book over to her bed and curling up beneath the covers. It was easy enough to lose herself in the latest work by Chomsky, and she knew that she gave JJ a distracted answer before the woman crawled into her own bed. Still, Alex read on until she was interrupted by the ringing of her phone, and she quickly replaced the bookmark before answering. "Good evening, Louise."

"Good evening, Alex. I, would you mind if I addressed you as Erin tonight? You can still think of me as Louise, but I have things to talk about that are a little more serious than keeping things frothy and light, like I usually do. If that makes you uncomfortable, you can end the call now. I know that things are still so nebulous between us…"

"It's fine, Erin. What's wrong?"

The woman let out a long breath, and Alex used the moment to make herself more comfortable on the bed, stretching out and making a soft sound of encouragement in order to prod Erin into speaking. "Sorry. I just can't seem to find a way to put these words in the correct order. I, I think that I am closer to breaking things off with David than I thought I might be. He was so good for me when I was finding my footing again after I left rehab, but I want more than what he does, and I can't hold him to me when he just wants to sleep with me. Yes, the sex is great, and he's been so tender to me, but you know me, Lexie."

"I do, and I seem to remember that you put down roots fast. So, if Rossi isn't the fertile land where you want to have your garden bloom, what will you do?"

"That's the scary thing, Alex. I don't know. It's been so long since I've been without the crutch of alcohol, and now I'm facing the prospect of being alone because I don't want him to feel beholden to staying with me just because the sex is great. That's not fair to either of us, even though I would hope that there might be room for us to grow together in the future? Not that I foresee that happening, it's a pipe dream of the smallest chances, after all."

"Do you love him?"

"I love the thought of him, or maybe the idea of a comfortable future. There's this voice in the back of my heart that whispers I would be settling for something sweet and lovely, but I wouldn't have my foundations that I crave more and more these days. And one false move could derail all the progress I've made with my sobriety."

"Your health is the first priority that you should have, Erin. I think that you need to do whatever it is that keeps you sober."

"But I don't know if I can do that alone."

Alex had to blink back tears when she heard Erin's voice break on those words, and she let out a long breath in order to try and calm her spirit. She didn't want to let Erin know that she was feeling so invested in her, not when she wasn't certain who she was without her righteous fury. "I didn't know if I could go it alone, either, after you cut my rope. Ethan was gone, James was on a long assignment with MSF, and I was thrust into a new situation that I felt I didn't deserve to be in, and it was so easy to just…be angry and alone."

"I hate that I did that to you, Alex. If I could go back and change anything in this life I've managed to f*ck up, that would be the one change I'd make. I'd take responsibility for the mistakes we made, and maybe I could have mitigated circ*mstances. I just, I have so much regret, and longing, and I want to finally make things right. I want us to be friends on some level, which was why I started this ruse in the first place. I know that you can't accept this olive branch, that all of this is just going to end up blowing up in my face, but it was so nice to dream once more."

Before Alex could respond to the sorrow in Erin's voice, the call was disconnected, and she set it aside as she buried her face in her hands and allowed herself to cry. She didn't know why she felt so discombobulated over Erin's heartbreak, when she should be rejoicing over the fact that things were still going poorly for her, but a part of her knew that she had to reach out and not leave things like that. Picking up the phone, she redialed the call, and then called twice more in rapid succession until Erin picked up. "You don't get to hang up on me like that, Louise."

"You're not my emotional sounding board any longer."

"No, but we've made inroads towards something new. And you're hurting right now, and it's late, and I don't want you to feel like you're going to do something rash. Fall asleep on the phone with me. We're both exhausted, but knowing that we're connected might make things a little easier tonight. Okay?"

"Okay," Erin whispered back. "And you don't think this makes me weak?"

"No. While I may not understand everything thoroughly yet, I know that you cannot battle back from an addiction and be considered weak. Now, are you in bed?"

"Yes, Lexie."

Again, that small slip in what Erin called her, and she smiled sadly as she made herself comfortable on the mattress. "All right, I'm going to set my phone on the pillow next to me, and you have to do the same. Good night, Erin."

"Good night, Alex. Thank you." This time, there was no disconnection to the call, and Alex quickly fell asleep, Erin's heartbroken words weighing heavily on her heart and mind.

Alex let out a long, frustrated, sigh as she collapsed onto her sofa after returning home from the case in Florida. Hotch had already informed them that they would be headed out on a new case come Monday, which meant this would be her only day at home, and she wanted more time to grow accustomed to this new facet of her relationship with Erin. They weren't exactly friends again, but the intense anger that had driven her into this new role with the BAU had begun to fade a little as the calls that they had shared had become more and more personal. And to her great shock, she actually wanted to speak with Erin more, to find out more about her in the words behind her words, and she didn't know what that meant for everything going forward.

Shaking her head, Alex kicked off her shoes and placed her feet on the coffee table as she let her head thump back against the back of the sofa, staring up at the ceiling. She knew that she wouldn't receive a call from Erin until they were out in the field once more, as she would most likely be spending this time with Rossi, trying to decide if their relationship would be worth continuing. "Why do I care about where her relationship with Rossi is going? I shouldn't even be allowing my heart to grow tender towards her, let alone allowing the feelings that we once shared start to bubble up to the surface of my heart," she muttered as she rubbed her hand against her face.

She was just about to go start her laundry when her phone rang, and she pulled it out of her pocket, immediately accepting the Facetime call from James. "Hey, I'm glad that I caught you at home, Lexie Lou."

"You're lucky, I'm back out in the field tomorrow, according to Hotch. I think that it will be another bad case, from the way that he talked about leaving almost as soon as our briefing was over. But it is so good to see your face again."

James smiled and nodded. "Yours, too. But you look frustrated, Alex. What's wrong?"

She sighed as she shifted how she was sitting on the sofa, curling up on it fully as she shoved herself into the corner as she looked at his face. "So, you know that I've been talking with Erin, ever since I returned to the BAU, but only just recently realized it, yes?"

"Yes."

"Well, on our last call, she was talking about the fact that she doesn't know if she's going to remain in her relationship with Rossi for much longer. She wants something a little more permanent, and he just wants to have fun. She deserves to have something more permanent."

"Oh, that is a new tenderness in your voice with regards to her. When did your heart start thawing?"

She chuckled wryly as she shrugged. "I wish that I could pinpoint it. I genuinely grew to like her over the course of our early talks, since it was like discovering a new friend, even if there were familiar things in our discussions. But we fell asleep together on the phone this last call because she was so upset with the thought of perhaps breaking up with Rossi. And I understand that fear, because I wouldn't want her to end up falling off the wagon once more. She doesn't deserve to go through that hell again."

There was a slight pause where her husband just stared at her, and she could almost guess what he was going to say next. Still, she wasn't prepared for the words that came from his lips moments later. "Do you think that you're developing feelings for her once more?"

"I don't know, and that's the worst feeling in the world. We still haven't talked face to face, all that we've done has been over the phone. We haven't even Facetimed like you and I are doing now. But there's something so tender about her right now, and I just can't stop these feelings that are developing. I love you, James."

"I never doubted that, Alex. But I also knew that you love Erin, too."

"Ha, very funny. You meant to say loved."

He shook his head a little as his eyebrows furrowed together in sympathy. "No, I don't, Alex. You love Erin, otherwise you wouldn't have carried this anger around with you for so long, nor would you be so drawn to Erin as you're knowing her now. I wish that I had an easier answer to give you, but there really isn't one. Humans are messy and full of contradictions and can hold two opposing thoughts at the same time and not acknowledge the cognitive dissonance that might arise from such an occurrence."

"We had so many good years together at the Academy."

James nodded, his smile a little sadder. "And you had some wonderful times together when you were working on the Amerithrax case."

"When did you know?"

"Probably after the first time that you slept together during the course of that case. You wear your feelings for her on your face, and though you try to hide, you can't. Erin has always been like a moon in your orbit. She shines back the love you pour out, and yet it's always a cool light."

Alex swallowed thickly as she nodded. "It was so easy to be hers, and to be yours. She was there, when you weren't, and I didn't know how to tell you that I wanted more, that I wanted my cake and my ice cream."

James's expression softened a little, becoming even sadder as he reached out and touched the screen with his fingertips. A part of Alex knew that he was caressing her face on his side of the world, and she returned the sad smile as she waited for him to respond to her. "I think that you are entirely human for wanting both options, Alex. Erin always filled a part of you that I could never touch, and while she was there with you, and I was working with MSF, it made sense that you would drift together. And I understood that. Because my love for you realizes that you had this deep connection with Erin at the Academy, and that time together shaped who you were. So, what have you discovered about Erin, before you knew she was Erin?"

Alex was grateful for the shift in their conversation, as she wanted something to take her mind off the sadness that was threatening to overwhelm her. "Now that you ask me that question, I suppose that there is something that I didn't know about her at the end of the Amerithrax debacle. I don't think that she meant to reveal that information to me, because it was so personal to her, but I opened the door by mentioning that a colleague had suffered a miscarriage. That was when Louise, aka Erin, told me that this colleague wasn't alone in experiencing that heartbreak."

"Did she mention when she lost her pregnancy?"

Alex took a deep breath as she nodded. "You'd never guess, because I had no idea myself, and I had…I had slept with her three days before she betrayed me in that meeting with our supervisor."

"Oh, Lexie…"

"I know. Both our worlds were falling apart at the same time, and I was so angry that I couldn't see her sorrow. I don't think that it would have made a difference, honestly, but…"

"I think that it would have, Lexie Lou."

She sighed as she nodded. "You always are able to see my heart so clearly, James. So, I don't really want to bring that topic up in our discussions again, but I did tell her a little about Ethan when I thought she was Louise, and it feels like we do have this shared sorrow that binds us close together. I feel like I should bring this up again with her, to let her know that I don't judge her and won't tell her story out of turn, but that it is a safe topic for us to discuss on our midnight calls."

"Are you planning on continuing them, then?"

Alex nodded quickly. "Of course. If you were home, I'd expect you to call me at midnight, like we normally do when you're here. But it is so nice to have that connection with another human being that I can trust. And…I do trust her, when I think of her as Louise. I've kept that ruse up between us, because I'm still torn about how everything went down when I found out who she was. She tried to apologise and make amends, and I'm just not at that stage yet."

"But you are getting closer."

She gave him another small nod before flopping back against the sofa once more. "I am. I won't tell her that, but I am."

James gave her one of his knowing little smirks as he nodded. "All right, I suppose that I need to remind you that you need to make your choices and that we will all need to talk about what decision that you make, since there are four people in this equation that will have their lives changed if you choose Erin."

"Why do you make it sound like I've already made my choice, and that you are resigning yourself to it? I don't know what I'm going to do, besides keep talking to her at midnight. And friends talk to each other at odd times." A small part of her brain recognized that she was deflecting the heart of his words, and he seemed to know that as well from the way he shook his head. "All right, I'll keep that in mind as we move forward from here."

He looked like he was going to say something more, but then an alarm went off in the background. "Sorry, I have to go. But I want you to know that no matter what choice you make, I will love you and respect that, because you will have thought out all the options and arrived at the right decision for everyone. I love you."

"I love you, too, James," she whispered as the call disconnected, and then she dropped her phone onto the coffee table before drawing her knees up tight to her chest and thinking about the conversation she had just had with her husband. She wasn't entirely certain that he was as all right with her redeveloping feelings for Erin. There had been too much sadness in his eyes for him to truly understand what was happening while he was overseas, and a part of her felt like she was cheating him out of a happy marriage. Even if he had suggested they have an open marriage when he decided to join MSF. Even if the only other person that had occupied her bed had been Erin. Shaking her head a little, Alex leaned her head back to stare up at the ceiling. This was a quagmire that she wasn't certain she knew how to escape, which was precisely what she didn't want to happen when she returned to the BAU. That was why she had kept Erin at arm's length, had held onto her anger, because she didn't want to have to deal with these feelings.

Getting to her feet, Alex went up to her room and stripped out of her clothes, picking out some pyjamas before heading into the bathroom and turning on the water, knowing that she needed the bath in order to think about everything that James and she had talked about, along with carefully considering what she was going to do about Erin. Because she truly did want to continue their calls, it was something that she looked forward to, and as the weeks had gone along, Alex had found that she had been calmer while out in the field, knowing that she had someone to vent to. Letting out a deep sigh, she stepped into the water and lowered her body until it was submersed in the water. Maybe there was still a way for her to get out of this emotional quagmire without losing everything once more.

"Cases on the west coast always make me feel off kilter."

Alex looked up to see Hotch staring at her, the words he said only just registering with her. "I know what you mean. I feel out of sync at a time when I need my attention most. And this case is so bizarre and horrible. I told JJ that the death I thought would be the most painless would be from lava, but this is sort of like that, and it appears as if the people truly suffered before they died. I, I can't think of a truly more horrific way to die than to be set afire while still alive. To feel your skin crackle and split." She shuddered a little as she curled up in her seat and stared out the window.

"When Gideon was still with us, and Emily had just joined the team, we were called down to a case that was strangely more horrific than this one. The unsub was trapping families in their homes, their garages, and setting fire to it while dressed in protective gear so that he could watch them burn. The first victims, only the mother survived the initial fire by some awful miracle, though her body was covered in deep tissue burns, the sort that would take her life sooner rather than later. Gideon sent Emily and me to interview her while the others went down different trails to find more information."

"My god."

Hotch nodded. "The scent is enough to turn your stomach, and make you reconsider eating red meat for months afterwards. We had to dress in sterile gowns and wear gloves into her room, and Emily didn't think that it was right I lied to the woman, telling her that her family was at the hospital. It was the only way I could think of to calm her enough to get a tiny amount of information from her. That was how we discovered that the unsub was staying in the infernos and watching them suffer."

"My namesake would approve of your choice to tell a kind untruth, as the truth that you would have told her would have been with bad intent."

"Auguries of Innocence?" She nodded. "Haley quoted a few couplets from that poem at times. Anyway, it was soon clear that the woman wouldn't even survive the afternoon. Emily went to leave, and asked if I would follow. I looked at the woman in the bed and knew where my duty lay. So I stayed with her until she passed away, holding her hand until the end. You never forget the horror of what fire can do to a body, or of what humans are capable of doing to other humans."

Alex shivered as she nodded a little, turning her gaze to look back at him once more. "We are extremely good at hurting each other, it seems."

Hotch subtly tilted his head a little as his eyes bored into hers, and Alex knew that she had revealed something that she might have better kept to herself. "What has you so troubled?"

"That obvious?" she sarcastically muttered, and Hotch nodded. "I don't really open up to others, something that I've held onto from the Amerithrax case. It has become hard to trust after what Erin did to me."

"That was a difficult case, and difficult choices had to be made."

"She didn't have to cut my rope!" she hissed. Shaking her head a little as she fought to calm herself. "Sorry, I still have some rough feelings when it comes to her."

"Is that what's troubling you?"

"Maybe." She sighed as she rubbed her hands up and down her arms. "I think that there might be cracks appearing in the foundation of my marriage. It's harder this time around to be separated so much from James, because the time differences between us ebb and flow, and there's never really a good time to reach out to him, except for when we're home. And…"

"Yes?"

Alex looked around the jet to make certain that none of the others were paying attention to this conversation. While she could trust JJ enough not to tell tales out of turn, she wasn't certain of the others. Even Spencer, who she had known the longest, could comment on her marriage to the wrong person. "I feel like I'm making more of an issue of the midnight phone calls that I've been receiving while on cases. I, I've been developing feelings that run deeper than mere friendship, since the caller is now known to me."

Breaking off her words, she took a deep breath and waited for Hotch to respond. It had been so difficult to open herself up to him, since it was so personal to her. "If I might speak from the husband's perspective for a moment?" Alex gave him a fleeting smile before dipping her chin downwards. "Before Haley and I divorced, there was a case where I was technically on suspension and about to transfer to white collar crimes."

"Let me guess, Erin?"

Hotch chuckled as he nodded. "I can see now that she had a good point, Gideon was a loose cannon, for all that I respected him as a founder of the BSU. Anyway, Garcia gave me the file for the case the team was working in Milwaukee, the one that Erin would be leading." Alex snorted. "It would have gone better had I not been suspended and Emily not looking to transfer out of our department, but that wasn't meant to be. As I was looking over the case at home, Haley saw what I was doing, and we got into an argument. And in the course of that argument, our home phone rang. When I answered, there was silence on the other end of the line before they hung up, only to call Haley's cellphone moments later. I knew, in that moment, that the cracks in our marriage might be too great to fix."

"Was she…?"

"I don't know, I never asked her about that, because I loved her until the day she was murdered. But it did hurt to know that she was getting calls that she didn't want me to know about. You have at least told James about these conversations."

"Yes, and he is totally okay with them. He's been encouraging me to talk to her, and to bury the hatchet between us, even though I am so not ready for that to happen. I like holding on to the cognitive dissonance between knowing who she really is and talking to her as she presented herself to me."

"That's not cryptic at all."

"I have to be cryptic in order to keep my privacy. But I suppose that I wouldn't be the first person in the BAU to have a marriage break up."

He nodded. "Out of all of us, JJ has the most stable relationship. If you want to find out some more information about how to keep your marriage strong, I would ask her for advice. Even though she's so young, she has a good head on her shoulders."

"I am fast learning that, and I might have to do just that."

He smiled a little as he nodded. "And if you ever need to talk, my door is open to you. I know that it might be hard to come to me, but I try to make everyone feel comfortable enough to talk about things that are upsetting them."

A heartfelt sigh slipped from her lips as she looked up to see Rossi passing them by. Her expression flickered into something a little painful, and Hotch cleared his throat to catch her attention once more. "Sorry."

"There's nothing to be sorry for, Alex. Or is there?"

"There might be. I know that I've been talking obliquely about who I'm talking to, because I want to protect this odd friendship that we've started to develop over the course of the past four months."

He nodded. "And do you think that this friendship you've developed with your midnight caller might start to affect more than just you on this team?"

That was the moment that Alex knew for certain that Hotch had put together all the pieces of the puzzle that she and Dave had been sharing, and she nodded quickly before turning her head to stare out the window of the jet. "I never intended things to get this far out of control, Hotch. I don't like not being in control of situations, because I've needed that sense of security."

He reached out across the distance between them, touching her knee gently in an effort to get her to look at him. It took a few moments for her to turn her face towards his, and she saw that concern in his expression. A part of her was quite glad to see that there wasn't any pity there, as she didn't think that she could bear to see pity from him. Alex respected him too much for that to be a good thing. "Security is a good thing, and we all crave it. But do you think that in the future, you're going to come to a decision that might create more tension in our team?"

"I don't want that to be the truth, but I wonder about how things will turn out, yes. My midnight caller is quite dear to someone else on this team, and I wish that life wasn't complicated."

Hotch chuckled as he shook his head, removing his hand from her knee before scratching at his face a little. "If life wasn't complicated, we would be out of jobs. But no, life is messy and rough, and we have to find our happiness wherever it might be."

"But I don't know where my happiness lies. I love James, but he knows that I also love Louise. And that is the sticky wicket, isn't it?"

Hotch nodded as Rossi passed them by once more, heading back to his seat, and they both sighed in unison. "I'll let you know that I'll try to be an impartial leader to us all when this comes to a head, which I know that it will at some point, but Dave is my best friend. It will be extremely difficult to set aside those feelings, even if I want to moderate things."

"I understand," she murmured in reply as she picked up the file that Garcia had given them before they left on this case. "I'm going to read through this once more and see if I can find us any way in that we haven't thought of quite yet."

"That sounds like a good idea. I'm going to go talk to Dave for a little bit, but don't worry, whatever is said between us is kept that way. I wouldn't be a good leader if I told tales out of turn."

"Thanks," she replied offhandedly, staring down at the pages in her lap. She truly did want to go over what to expect when they landed, but for some odd reason, the words began to swim on the page, and she found that she couldn't concentrate on what was there. A part of her recognized that she was nervous about what Hotch and Rossi were going to talk about, even though she knew that she could trust Hotch. Alex knew that she was in a fine kettle of fish, since this was quickly going to become quite messy, the one thing that she hated most in the world. But there was still the thought that she could somehow salvage everything before it went to rack and to ruin.

"So, sunny California. This should be an interesting case. I hope you brought your sunglasses, Blake," Rossi said as he sank down in the free seat next to Hotch.

"They are safely in my purse," she sang out as she fixed a cool smile on her lips. "Now, what do you say to us running through scenarios about who this unsub could be. I have a few theories, but none of them are very good, I feel." The man nodded as they leaned forward and began to confer about what they knew so far, and Alex used the closeness to try and push aside her growing unease over the fact that there was going to quickly come a time when they would all have to make some very serious choices about the way forward.

Alex could tell that there was something truly bothering Rossi, and caught a few snippets of the story from his conversation with Hotch. It had to have been a shock to discover that his former Marine commander had been found living rough, but Alex knew that it happened far too often to veterans, especially minorities, which was a sad commentary on the current state of affairs. It didn't surprise her that Rossi had wanted to spend a little more time investigating the ways that he could help out his former Sergeant without looking like he was trying to pity him.

Sighing a little, Alex rubbed the back of her neck as she tried to focus on what they knew so far about the case. She knew that she was working late into the night, but somehow, she felt keyed up, like she knew Erin was going to call, so she needed to stay up as late as she could. "Hey, I noticed that you hadn't come down to the dining area to eat with us. Is everything all right?"

Looking up, she saw that JJ had entered their room, holding a plate of food and a bottle of water awkwardly out to her. "You didn't have to go to all this trouble," she murmured as she set aside her case notes and took the plate from her hands, watching her set the bottle of water on the nightstand between their beds.

"I sort of wanted an excuse to escape up here, honestly. Hotch is focused on talking to Rossi about Sergeant Scott, and Reid and Morgan are in their own little worlds. It was getting a bit boring without you there."

"Thanks, I think. And I am okay, I was just working over what we know so far, since it feels like Rossi's heart really isn't in the case. Which I totally understand, but it's a bit frustrating to have him space out a little before Hotch is able to call him back to us."

JJ nodded as she plopped down on her bad, crossing her legs beneath her as she stared at Alex, as if she wanted to talk about something but didn't know how to broach the subject. "He can get like that, especially when the case is personal. Or he has a lot on his mind. I remember last year when his first wife showed back up in his life, and he was just…out of it for some time afterwards. It was only when she had passed that a lot of us found out about her ALS and what she had asked of him."

"Assisted suicide?"

JJ nodded. "In the end, she took the pills herself, made the decision herself, but made certain that Rossi was there with her for the end. I don't know how he could have sat by and just watched her leave this world without calling for help, though."

"Think about what you might do if it had been you and Will. Would you still find that you couldn't understand his decision to be there through the whole thing?" Alex thought about her Ethan, and how he might have asked for death, if he had been more mentally aware. But if his had had more of his faculties, she didn't think that she could have allowed him to make that choice.

"Maybe? I don't know, I've never had to make that choice."

"It is a difficult one to make." JJ nodded. "Now, what else can we talk about to take your mind off the fact that Rossi isn't all the way with us?"

"Can I talk about how much I'm missing Henry without boring you to death?"

"I will never turn down hearing stories about your son." Alex gave her a warm smile as she pulled her legs up beneath her and began to eat. "And thank you for grabbing my favorites."

"Hotch called the order in, so you'll have to thank him in the morning." JJ grinned. "He is really good at remembering the foods that we like and the things that make us happy. I think part of that is because he still feels like he failed to make Haley happy, and then it was too late to do so. But enough morbidity, let's talk about Henry."

Alex nodded as she chuckled a little, digging into her food as she listened to JJ talk about her son. She tried not to let her face show just how much she yearned inside to have had the experiences that the younger woman had with Henry. They were able to do so much together, he was able to talk to her and tell her the inner workings of his mind, whereas she had always had to guess at how Ethan was feeling, or what he was thinking. "He sounds like an amazing boy."

"He is. So, I'm going to shower now, because Will said that he'd try to call a little later for me, since he wants to have a little bit of adult time, but not the sexy adult times, if that makes sense? We have a few things that we need to talk about, and he wants to make certain that Henry is fast asleep before we go over them?"

"I totally understand." JJ gave her a winning smile as she bounced to her feet and rummaged around in her bag for nightwear and her toiletries before slipping into the bathroom. Once Alex heard the water turn on, she finished off her food and then threw the plate in the trash before hurriedly changing, deciding to take a shower in the morning, since she had a good feeling that Erin was most likely going to call that evening. Alex didn't know why she felt that way, but thought that if she was truly starting to fall back in love with Erin, then it made a weird sort of sense for them to be growing more and more in sync. It was something that had happened previously for them, after all.

Sighing, Alex plugged her phone onto the charger before crawling beneath the covers and making herself comfortable. If Erin was truly going to call at midnight her time, she wanted to get a few hours of shuteye in before that happened, so that she wouldn't be totally exhausted in the morning. She had just about fallen completely asleep by the time she heard JJ tumble into bed and then start talking to Will, and the smooth sounds of her voice eased her way fully into slumber.

She woke with a start a few hours later, sitting up and grabbing her phone and answering quickly. "Hello, Louise."

Erin sniffled on the other end of the line, and that small sound told Alex that she was truly upset, as she didn't readily cry in front of others. "Can, can I be Erin tonight? Please? I know that you've explained how you want to keep things separated between us, but I truly don't feel like I have the emotional strength to keep up that pretense for the entire call. I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry, Erin. If this is what you need, we can drop the ruse for one call. And then negotiate the others as they happen." Alex knew that she was revealing a little too much about herself and her current state of mind by saying that, but she found that she didn't care, her need for comforting Erin outweighing any other concern. "You sound tired."

"That is a kind lie, and you know it. You know that I've been crying."

"Yes. I could always hear that in your voice," she replied softly as she looked over at JJ, seeing that the woman was still sprawled out on the bed, one leg sticking out from the covers. Smiling a little, Alex climbed out of bed and picked up the comforter, padding over to the chair by the window and curling up in it as she made herself comfortable. "All right, I have to be quiet this time, because we once more don't have a balcony for me to sit in, and I want to keep my voice down so as not to disturb JJ."

"I understand, Alex. I'm just so exhausted. I was on the phone with David for two hours just now, and I don't know why I'm so drained, but I feel like I couldn't get a word in edgewise. He wouldn't even listen when I tried to tell him that I had been struggling with cravings all day, and I couldn't get ahold of my sponsor, and I've never been this close to breaking my sobriety since I graduated from rehab. I hate being this weak, and when I needed him to listen to me for just five minutes, he was all too consumed by his own troubles, which aren't really his, since it's his Sergeant from Vietnam, and I felt like a bitch for thinking that, because I know Sergeant Scott is in a worse place than I am right now, but I just needed those five minutes to touch base with him before we focused on his troubles."

"Oh, darling," she murmured before she realized what she had called Erin. Unable to call the word back, she pressed on, wanting to let Erin know that she was there to listen to her. "How are you feeling now?"

"Still a bit shaky. I wanted to go find a liquor store after I got off the phone with David, but since it was so close to midnight, I decided to call you a few minutes early, hoping that you wouldn't mind. I hate feeling like this, Lexie."

"Because you love being in control, and cravings are something that are so difficult to control. I wish that I had better words for you, but I haven't wrestled with that particular demon."

"Thank God. I would never wish this demon on my worst enemy, let alone the woman that I still care for so much." There was a small pause before Erin spoke once more. "When I have my cravings, my tongue tends to get a little loose. I apologise for my forwardness."

"There's nothing to apologise for, Erin. We've both been dancing around this feeling of something shifting between us, and while I am not ready to talk about that, I want you to know that I am feeling something similar to you." She took a sharp breath before barreling on ahead. "All right, how about we turn the focus of this call away from something so sad for you, and make it a better night for you to fall asleep to?"

"I think that I'd like that, Alex. But what should we talk about?"

"How about your college days?" JJ let out a groan as she flipped over in the bed, the covers slipping off her body as she curled into a ball. "One second, I'm going to cover JJ back up and then slip into bed myself. Maybe if I burrow beneath the covers, my voice won't be so loud."

"All right."

Alex untangled herself from the comforter and brought it back to the bed, tossing it there before adjusting the covers over JJ and then spreading the comforter out on her bed and plugging the phone in before crawling beneath the covers, pulling them fully over her head as she brought the phone back to her ear. "All right, since you never really talked about your undergrad days, why don't you start there? I know that you went to quite a prestigious university."

"Only because my father pulled strings and got me in there. I wish that I had gotten in there on my own merits, but I think that was why I made certain to qualify for the honors college and overachieve. I was driven."

"No, you?" she teased, feeling a little more at ease with doing so, and was rewarded with hearing Erin choke out a giggle. "So, since you were so driven, you must have been in extra-curriculars, too."

"I may have been president of the debate club."

"That does not surprise me at all."

"What about you? Where did your fascination with language come from?"

Alex sucked in a low breath. "My mother."

"Oh, I, I won't press for more tonight, then, not when we're trying to keep things light." Alex smiled at the consideration for her feelings, and then let out a long breath. "What?"

"I think that I can tell you a few happy memories about my childhood spent learning to love words and language at my mother's knee. Not all memories have to be sad, after all. So, words came easily to me when I was young, since my parents and grandparents played Scrabble together every Sunday. I would sit on my mother's lap and look at the tiles and try to make words. So I went into kindergarten already able to read and make words, though writing took a little longer…"

Alex plopped down into her bed and rubbed her face with her hands as she tried to gather her composure. This case was close to home, which allowed her to be home at the end of the night, but she still felt guilty over being able to sleep in her own bed when there were so many parents out there who were probably too worried to sleep that evening. This was the worst part of the job, knowing that there was still so much to do, but also needing a little bit of sleep to be effective for the rest of the case. Kicking off her shoes, she fell back against the mattress and stared up at the ceiling. It was already close to midnight, and she wondered if Erin would call that evening, or if she would be spending all her time with Rossi. It made sense that she would focus on her lover, because Alex knew that if James was home, he'd be doing the same for her.

Sighing, she pushed herself back up, getting to her feet and padding over to her armoire, pulling out a fresh set of pyjamas and shed her clothes. After pulling on her nightclothes, Alex made her way back to bed and slipped beneath the covers before curling up around the extra pillow as she tried to calm her mind enough so that she could sleep. Just as she was about to close her eyes, her phone went off, and she found herself smiling as she turned onto her side and reached out for her phone.

"Hello, Louise."

"Hi. I'm sorry that this call is a little late tonight, I had to wait until David was asleep so that I could slip out of bed and head for the living room, so that he won't overhear this conversation. He still doesn't know that I'm talking to you at midnight, and I don't want to share this special time with him."

"James knows about our calls, I had to let him know. But I understand wanting to keep this just between us. James doesn't mind that we talk, or that there might be more to our conversations than I've told him. How are you doing with this case? It has to be hard on you."

"How did you know?"

Alex paused to gather her thoughts before answering. "If I remember correctly, the kidnapped children are around Bruce's age, so it has to feel like it's hitting a little too close to home."

"You remembered my children's ages?"

"Yes," she quickly replied, glad that Erin wasn't in the room with her, as she could feel how warm her cheeks were becoming, the blush telling her that she was a little too happy with pleasing Erin. "After all, I remember Ethan's birthday by looking at Spencer. They would have been the same age, had everything gone the right way. And I kept thinking about how I would feel if he were one of the kidnapped children, but I couldn't let anyone know, since no one knows about Ethan on the team. Except for you."

"I think that if you told them, you'd be surprised at how much they understand. I was surprised at how Aaron didn't judge me for my alcohol problem. He was much more forgiving than I thought possible, and always made certain to check in on me while I was in the rehab facility that IAB chose for me. It was a little embarrassing at first, to know that I had failed so spectacularly, and that Aaron had to keep tabs on me, but as the days passed, I came to see that maybe my outlook on life needed to change, that I needed to let people in. As I've started to make my circle larger, I've found that I may have missed out on so much by being so insular. And I know that we're not quite at the place where we can consider each other friends, but I like to think of you as close to me."

"I think that we're closer to friends than we were when I first rejoined the BAU. Though it may just be baby steps, I am enjoying our conversations, and I think that I am ready to call you Erin on these calls. It might be a little awkward if JJ overhears me address you, but she's usually out like a light by the time you call me."

"Truly?"

"Yes, I wouldn't say anything that I don't mean. We were always honest with each other, up until that one, crucial, moment."

Erin sniffled a little before coughing, and Alex wondered if she was catching a cold or if she was crying. Either was not a good outcome, but she was hoping that it was tears, since that was an easier fix. "I know, I f*cked up so badly when you needed me to be true. I'm just sorry that John was caught in the crosshairs as well. If I could go back and change one thing about that time, it would be that I took more responsibility for what our team discovered, and shared the onus for the outcome. I know, I've told you this countless times, but I feel like my brain keeps going round and round the past in an effort to figure out how to properly atone for my mistakes."

"You can't change the past, we can only move forward. And James would say that it's a good thing that I've finally allowed my walls to come down in regards to you. I would say that they are once more scalable, Erin. It will be difficult to completely raze them, but with hard work, that might be possible one day."

"And that is truly all that I ever wanted. The chance to think about moving forward and building something new from the rubble of our friendship and the wall you rightfully built between us. Oh, Alex, what if those parents get the worst news? You know what they'll experience, but that is my worst fear."

This time, Alex could hear the tears in her voice, and knew that the woman was crying as quietly as she could, in order to not call it to Alex's attention. She understood the reticence, but a part of her knew that she needed to hold Erin accountable for her sadness, as if they wanted this new phase of their friendship to work, they needed to be totally honest with each other. Just as she was about to talk some more, she heard Dave's low voice talking to Erin, and the muffled reply that she gave. Impatiently, Alex waited for Erin to return to her, trying not to acknowledge the fact that she did feel a tiny bit jealous of the fact that Dave was with Erin, while she was not. They were nowhere near that point in their relationship where she could truly be jealous of the fact that Erin was in a relationship with another person, after all.

"Can, can I come over?" Erin whispered a few minutes later, and Alex knew that she couldn't deny her that sweet request.

"Of course. Do you remember the way to our place?"

"Yes."

"Good. I'll have a pot of tea brewing, and the guest room is ready for a visitor at any time. I'll see you soon." Before Erin could say another word, Alex ended the call and then got to her feet, throwing on a robe before heading downstairs and into the kitchen. It didn't take long to turn the kettle on, and then she was rummaging through her cupboard for tea that wouldn't keep them awake for too long, since they both had to work in the morning. Once she found a nice, soothing, blend, she grabbed two mugs and set them on the kitchen table before collapsing on a chair and waiting for Erin to arrive.

Just as the kettle announced that the water was ready, Erin pulled into her driveway, and she turned off the kettle before heading to the front door and welcoming her inside. Erin didn't even look at her as she slipped past her into the house. "Thank you for this."

"You're welcome," she replied as they went into the kitchen, and Alex poured water into each mug before picking up her teabag and dropping it into the mug. "But why did you want to come over? I didn't hear the two of you arguing."

"He wanted me to come back to bed, or talk to him. And I didn't want to end our conversation, but I didn't know how to ask you for something that I wanted, but didn't truly need. We could have talked tomorrow night, too, but…"

"You're hurting now. And this will probably sound so crass coming from me, since I haven't really acknowledged your struggle with sobriety, but are you craving right now?"

Erin looked down into her mug as she gave Alex a tiny nod. "I have been since David let me know that things were going sideways in the case. I tried to keep myself in the best headspace, but it was so difficult as I kept putting myself in the parents' position, and I spiraled so quickly. David was so sweet, trying to keep me distracted, but I knew that I needed to talk to you, and that you would be able to talk me to sleep. Your Louise is so tired, Lexie."

Taking a good look at Erin, Alex could see the truth of her words, and she nodded as she wrapped her hands around her mug. "I can see that in your face, Erin. Do you just want to skip the tea and head up to bed?"

"A part of me wants to say yes, but my mind keeps racing around through the what ifs and worst-case scenarios. David would try to sing me to sleep, but I would probably just humor him by appearing to be asleep. And I don't even know what I want to talk about?"

"I suppose that I could talk at you for a little while. Is there something that you'd like to hear?"

Alex didn't know why she was feeling particularly shy in that moment, but there was something that seemed to be holding her back, as if her heart didn't want to keep secrets any longer, even if that would be in their best interests for the moment. "Talk to me about your classes at Harvard. Even though I read what you publish, I don't understand everything, and I want to know more about your students."

"All right." Alex was surprised at the thoroughly neutral topic that Erin chose, having expected her to ask about Ethan, or the case, or her marriage. Still, this was a nice change of pace, and she leaned back in her chair as she began to regale Erin with tales of her students until she saw that the woman's head was dipping downwards a little too often for her not to be thoroughly ready for sleep. "And with that, I think that we need to get you upstairs to the guest room. I see that you brought an overnight bag?"

"I did, because once I'm asleep, I won't be awake until it's time to head to work. I hope that you don't mind the presumption?"

"I wouldn't have agreed for you to come over to my home if I didn't want you here. You know that I never do anything that I don't want." Alex got to her feet and dumped the rest of her tea in sink before gesturing towards the doorway. Erin nodded and copied Alex's movements before following Alex deeper into the house, picking up her bag from the floor of the hallway before they made their way upstairs.

Alex turned into the guest room, making her way over to the bed, turning down the covers as she heard Erin drop her bag on the floor. While her back was still towards the woman, Alex took a few deep breaths as she waited for Erin's next move. To her shock, Erin spread out her hand on Alex's back, tapping her fingers against it a few times before passing Alex and shrugging out of her coat, letting it drop to the floor as Erin climbed into bed, pulling the covers up around her waist as she turned to face the wall away from Alex. "Thank you," she whispered.

"You're welcome." Alex frowned a little as she turned on her heel and made her way back to her bedroom, wondering where, exactly, they went from here, since she didn't want their midnight calls to become regular midnight visits. But this one time, at least, felt right to her, and her frown turned into a slight smile as she considered the idea of bringing Erin coffee once in a while, just to check up on how she was doing in addition to their calls. That thought alone told her that she was thawing towards Erin, but for the first time, she found that she didn't much care that that was the truth.

Alex sank down onto the bed, feeling more frustrated than tired in that moment. This was their second day in Seattle, and she was fast finding herself thoroughly tired of that particular city and all the horrible, weird, cases that seemed to seep out of the ground there. And it didn't help that she had been butting heads with Morgan for the entire case and he, in turn, was needling Spencer, which meant that on top of all the secrets that he was keeping from the team in general, he was also acting testy towards her, too. She was thoroughly over it, which meant that she was now avoiding the entire team as they ate supper together in the downstairs restaurant.

Flopping back on the mattress, Alex allowed her eyes to close heavily as she thought about how things had just seemed to go off the rails so quickly with this case. The silence of the room seemed a bit oppressive to her, and she tried to stay awake, knowing that Erin might call that night, since she hadn't the night before. Still, the stillness and silence seemed to call out to her exhausted state of mind, and she was soon asleep.

The next thing she became aware of was the sound of JJ opening their door and entering the room. "I wondered if you had fallen asleep on us, so I brought your food up, just in case. I don't know where Hotch found this sushi place, but I am so glad that he did, because I ate far more than I should have, though there is still a lot left over."

Alex sat up and saw that JJ was holding a rather sizeable plate piled high with different pieces of sushi, listening to her stomach rumble as the woman came over to her side and handed it over. "Thank you, this does look delicious," she replied as JJ held out a fresh pair of chopsticks and a bottle of water. "I don't know why I'm so tired out, but it seems like every time we're on the west coast I just find myself exhausted."

"I think that it's the weather along with the time difference. Because the grey skies have gotten to me, too." JJ gave her a small smile as she took a seat across from her. Alex drew her legs up beneath her as she ate, listening to JJ talk about what she had missed at the team dinner. "And with that, I think I'm going to go take a long shower before crawling into bed with the book that I'm reading. Thanks for listening to me."

"I'll always listen to you, JJ. In fact, there are times when I think that you're the only person on the team that I can relate to, even if Spencer is my protégé."

"It takes a while to gel with everyone. Even Emily struggled to fit in when she first started, but that was more because Gideon despised her and the way she was brought into the team. Everyone else just seemed to take their cue from him, and it was months before she made headway. Don't give up on us, I think that you're more well liked than you give yourself credit for." JJ patted her kneed softly before getting to her feet and pulling out pyjamas from her bag before going into the bathroom.

As Alex listened to the shower run, she pulled out the stack of papers that she still had to finish grading, figuring that she could get through a good number of them before she went to sleep. Settling back against the headboard, she soon lost herself in her student's words, finding that there were quite a few good ones in the stack. It was startling how well she knew her students by their papers already, though part of that was her job, she supposed. Alex barely nodded to JJ as the woman crawled into bed and opened her book in an effort to relax from the case they were working.

Quickly losing track of time, Alex was startled to feel her phone buzz against her thigh, and she looked at the display to see that it was indeed midnight, and Erin was calling her once more. A part of her tried to tamp down the feeling of excitement in her chest at the sight, since she didn't want to feel that way. Things were getting too personal as it was, and Alex didn't want to confront what might happen if things changed drastically between them. Taking a few deep breaths, she picked up the phone and answered, setting the papers aside as she let out a long breath. "Hello, Louise."

"Alex. How has this case been?"

"Creepy. It feels like we're getting nowhere with this case, and I…I didn't realise that I was this bad with blood. Or maybe it's the fact that the unsub is using the victim's blood to paint words on the wall. Words that don't really make sense within the context of what's going on. And…"

"Yes?"

"I feel like I'm not making any headway with the team. I know that we've discussed this before, how I feel like I'm on the outside of the group, but this case just seems to be so horrid for it. Morgan and I have been butting heads so badly, and I just, I wish that things were easier. I wish that I was easier to get along with."

There was a slight pause before Erin spoke once more. "I think that the problem with your thinking is that you are hard to get along with. You're not. You're just cautious about who you let into your inner sanctum, which is perfectly understandable, considering what happened between us back in the day. I think that I was probably the one who helped to close a few of those doors between your inner and outer self, and that is probably one of my largest regrets when it comes to the whole Amerithrax debacle. If I could go back in time and make one change, it would be to make certain that you and John didn't bear the brunt of what happened with that."

"If wishes were fishes…"

"Then beggars would feast. I know. But can I be honest with you?"

Alex cleared her throat as she looked over at JJ, seeing that she was still fast asleep. "I would expect nothing less from you, at this point."

"That's good to know, because complete honesty has been my modus operandi since leaving rehab. I don't think that I can go back to the way that I lived before, even if I am still too good at playing politics at work."

Alex let out a throaty little chuckle before responding. "No, you?"

"Shush. I was trying to be serious here, darling." There was a slight pause as Erin realized what she had inadvertently said. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be, you were being honest."

"Thank you. Anyway, I think that you are fitting in much better than you assume that you are, because I have read nothing but good about you in the reports that are turned in by the others. Well, David's are a bit testy, but that's because I believe he knows that we share these little calls, and he's a bit jealous of that connection. I wish that I could get him to understand that the feelings I have for you are much different than the feelings I have for him."

"Dave can be a bit of an ass."

"But I love him, for all that. Even if that love is quickly growing complicated. And if my honesty isn't complete with him. I want him to feel secure in our relationship, since he went through a lot of ribbing to be with me. The others, well, it hasn't been easy to prove that I've changed, which was why I was so eager to make amends with you when you returned. I didn't want to set back the progress that I had made with them, either. Which was so selfish of me, I know. Agent Morgan has been one of the hardest to win over, since he was the one who called me out on my problem."

"That must have been harrowing."

"I was infuriated with him and Aaron when they came to my office following that case and informed me that I was headed to an IAB approved rehab. It was, well, it wasn't pretty. But I endured and made my way through the Program and got clean. I wouldn't have that accomplishment if they hadn't confronted me, but I still feel like I'm not good enough in Agent Morgan's eyes."

"That is the perfect way to describe how I feel, too. Other than Spencer, I am probably the most educated person on the team, which isn't to disparage the others, far from it. I just worked hard for my degrees, and expect to be treated with a modicum of respect, the same respect that Spencer receives. But Morgan just seems to think that because I'm a woman, I don't deserve that same level of respect. It's been difficult enough to grow accustomed to the fact that he flirts outrageously with Garcia, as I know that we would have been reprimanded and written up for such behaviour."

Erin let out her own chuckle, and Alex could just picture her friend shaking her head a little before she answered Alex. "I would come down a little heavier on them, but I also have to take into consideration the fact that Ms. Garcia was never truly trained to handle the things that she sees on an everyday basis, not like the rest of the team has been, and so she can find things to be overwhelming at times. If this banter keeps her fit for purpose, I don't begrudge her for it. And since she's seeing Mister Lynch, I don't have to worry about them fraternizing."

"Oh, that is so rich coming from the woman sleeping with her subordinate."

Alex made certain to keep a teasing tone in her voice, trying to let Erin know that she wasn't trying to be mean with her ribbing. "It was just something that happened. And…"

"Yes?"

"The sex is really good."

Those words were said in a rush, as if Erin knew that she had to get them out before swallowing them again. Alex was grateful for the honesty coming from her, even if it had taken her a lot to admit it. "I can only imagine. The stories that I've heard bandied about the bullpen have given him almost godlike status."

"Well, don't tell him that. I don't want to give him a larger head than he already has." Erin sighed, and she wondered what was going through Erin's head as a soft silence fell between them. "But should a relationship be centered completely around great sex?"

"That all depends on where you want the relationship to go, honestly. Do you think that this will last the test of time, or is this just a temporary fling to scratch an itch that you have?"

"A little of both? Maybe?"

"Well, perhaps that's something that you should think about. You need to be healthy and happy, and I know that Dave is great and all, but if it's not what your heart wants, then maybe you need to think more about what you truly need and want."

"I know that you're right, you always were back in the Academy, too. I've missed this, you know."

"Missed what?"

"This easy way that we can talk, and you can call me out on my shortcomings. If I had listened more to you, years ago, perhaps we wouldn't have ever gone through the hell that we did."

"And maybe we had to go through that in order to grow into the people we're supposed to be. Though perhaps this has been enough emotional honesty for the evening? Why don't you tell me a little more about what your children are doing right now, as I always love to hear about them."

"Okay." Erin took a deep breath as she began to regale Alex with stories on her children's latest antics, and she smiled as she slid down on the mattress, allowing herself to relax to the sound of Erin's voice as she let the worries of the case fade to the background for the time being.

"I don't suppose that you're as creeped out by this case as I am?"

Alex looked up to see that Dave was giving her a bemused smile, and she nodded a little as she gestured for him to take a seat across from her. "There's something that I can't quite put my finger on. While the case does seem to point to the fact that there is a religious component to everything that's occurred so far, that doesn't feel like the right answer? I just don't know what the right answer is at the moment. I don't like being stymied like this, because I hate feeling like I'm reaching for that golden ring, only for my fingertips to just brush against it, rather than grab hold of it."

"I know what you mean," he replied as he sat down, leaning back in the seat as he watched her closely. Alex didn't particularly care for feeling like a butterfly pinned to a board, and she wondered what he was thinking about. "Cases like these always seem to bring out the weirdos, so I wouldn't be surprised if we see a lot of red herrings as we conduct our interviews."

"That's good to know, since that will help us weed out the truth from the fantasists." She let out a long breath as she picked up her tablet once more, flipping through the crime scene photos as she tried to figure out what it was that bothered her about the whole case. "So, did Garcia seem a little squirrely to you?"

"More so than lately?" he asked, laughing a little, and she shook her head as she rolled her eyes a bit. "I think that everything is all right with her, if that's what you're asking. She's a resilient woman, even if she seems like a delicate flower at times."

"I think that she's perhaps a little more delicate than you see her as, Dave. She's just really good at putting on a good front, and you know it. But then, which one of us on the team isn't like that?"

He nodded as he folded his hands together over his stomach. "That is very true, Alex. But Garcia's also survived being shot, so I don't think that we need to worry all that much. Why the concern?"

Alex shrugged a little as she glanced out the window at the clouds. "Just something that I was discussing with a friend. I do get concerned about you all, you know. I'm not completely heartless."

"I've never thought that you were, Alex. You just have some very tall walls built up around your heart, due to the past, which is completely understandable. But who is this friend that you talk about us so freely to? Anyone that I might know?"

Alex felt like she had been backed into a corner by opening up her mouth in such a hasty manner, and she gave a small shrug as she looked down at her tablet once more. "I have a friend who calls at midnight to check up on me, and see where my head and heart are at. Usually, that would be James's job, but since he's still in Africa, Louise has very kindly stepped into those shoes. Even if it means that she'll be calling me at three in the morning on this case. If she calls during this case. She doesn't have to call every case that I'm on after all."

She knew that she was rambling in an effort to get Dave away from asking any more questions, but that seemed to be exactly the wrong thing, since he gave her a little smirk before clearing his throat and tapped at his stomach with his fingers, his eyes narrowing a little as he considered her. "But it sounds like she calls enough for you to be very intimately acquainted with her."

"You make it sound so smarmy to have a friend who calls you at a set time on an irregular basis. I think that it's rather nice that I can rely on Louise so well."

"Yes, but you don't let people in, even Morgan's said that you're a closed book to him. And yet this Louise can just call and you drop everything to talk to her. Or wake up to talk to her."

Alex tilted her head to one side as she more carefully looked at him before glancing out the window. "I see that JJ has been talking to you, then."

"A little, yes. She was talking to Hotch about why you're so tired some mornings, and I couldn't help but overhear the conversation. And you know, the funny thing is that my girlfriend seems to have that same problem on the same mornings that you do. It's almost as if she also has a midnight caller that she talks to. Are you certain that you're talking to this Louise?"

Alex felt trapped, and she carefully schooled her features so that her microreactions wouldn't give anything away. "While I may not agree with what you're insinuating, Rossi, I will honestly say that I have been talking to someone named Louise for a good number of weeks. I think that I would recognize Erin's voice on the other end of the line, don't you? After all, we worked very closely together for the entire duration of the Amerithrax case, and would often spend hours on the phone, talking about our suppositions on that case."

"Voices can change in the space of a decade or two."

"But not patterns of speech. Remember, you're talking to a linguist who is accustomed to truly listening to the way that people speak, along with what they say." Their eyes met once more, and Alex prayed that he would believe her protestations, since she didn't want to share this precious time she had with Erin, and she felt like if Dave were to know what was going on, he'd put a stop to it somehow. Finally, he nodded once more, though he didn't appear to quite believe the words she had said. Still, it was good to start think about what would happen if, or more likely when, people truly started putting things together and figuring out that she and Erin had made up somewhere along the way.

"Hey, what are you two talking about?"

She looked up to see JJ standing next to their seats, giving them a cheery grin. There was something comforting about the expression, as if she was trying to defuse a situation that had gotten a little too tense. "We were just talking a little bit about my midnight caller, and how I seem to be keeping you from sleeping on the nights that Louise calls."

A part of Alex hated how cool her voice sounded, but JJ didn't appear to notice the tone as she plopped down in the seat next to Alex, patting her knee gently before drawing in a short breath. "I was talking to Hotch about how sweet it was that you have a friend who calls at a set time every case. There's a comfort in ritual, which is why I love being able to read Henry his bedtime story when I'm away from him. And from what I've overheard as I swim up from sleep for a few seconds during those calls, I can tell that you're both really good friends. I would love it if Garcia called to talk things out, but that's not her style."

"Really? For all the gossip and chatter that she does when we're in the bullpen, she wouldn't call and talk to you like this?"

JJ shrugged as she pulled a leg up to her chest, contorting her body so that she could look at both of them a little more easily. "She doesn't like talking over the cases, even the more mild ones that we sometimes see. She prefers to focus on the good things of life, and that can make it hard to decompress with her. I mean, Will and I sometimes do talk while I'm in the field, but he understands that I can come to him when we get home and lay everything on the table. Are you able to talk to James at all?"

Alex nodded a little as she crossed her arms over her chest. She knew that it was a defensive posturing, one that Dave would take notice of, but it couldn't be helped. She didn't like talking about her relationship with her husband all that much, since things were still so nebulous between them, especially now that these old feelings for Erin had started to resurface. "We do more of our talking when I'm at home, of course, since it's easier to connect with him then."

JJ nodded as she let out a small yawn. "Things are like that with Will a lot of the time, too. He's so good at taking care of Henry, and so I don't begrudge him wanting to talk about things in person. Though sometimes it does get to be a little much. I wish that things were easier for all of us, but we lead extraordinary lives."

Dave laughed as he nodded. "I think that that might be the understatement of the decade, Jayje. There has never been anything ordinary about the lives we lead."

"Well, you're the famous author and world class lothario. How did Strauss manage to tame you?"

Alex tried to swallow her smirk at JJ's impertinent question, but Dave must have caught the expression, as he rolled his eyes at both of them before shaking his head. "Erin hasn't tamed me, she's just helped me scratch an itch that I needed taking care of. We work well together, what can I say?"

Again, that flippant attitude bothered Alex far more than she knew it should, but she couldn't bring it up without starting another argument with the man, and she definitely did not want that right before the case truly started. "Are you certain that's all it is?" JJ pressed on, asking the question that Alex wanted to, in a better way than she would have phrased it.

"That's the boundaries that she's placed on things, so yes. And honestly, I don't think that I'm cut out for long term, tied down, relationships. Even if the sex is incredible."

JJ quickly looked over at Alex before bursting into giggles. "That was definitely much more information than I ever needed hearing," she said as she shook her head a little. "I don't want to think about you two in that sort of situation. It's like thinking about your parents that way."

Alex let out a mock gasp of indignation. "We are barely old enough to be your mother, Jen!"

"Oh, you and Strauss are the same age? I never knew that."

Dave settled back in his seat, a pleased grin spreading across his face as he looked between the two of them. Alex knew that she had opened this little can of worms, and would have to discuss it now in an effort to deflect from other things. "We are. We actually met in the Academy, so our history is a lot longer than most people assume."

"What was she like back then?"

Alex took a deep breath, wondering what she would tell them, since she knew that Dave would be listening to see if he could find any information that would give him an in with her. Finally, she focused her attention on JJ and gave her a small smile. "She was always quiet, always studying people, trying to figure out what made them the way they are. We worked together well, and it was good to have her as a roommate."

"You were roommates?"

Alex nodded, thinking about their late night talks. "We were. It was a good thing, since we were both competitive. We didn't give each other any mercy, either. Because if friends can't push each other to be their best, what good are they?"

JJ grinned at her as she nodded. "Emily and I were like that a lot, too. It's good to see that overachievers are the same, no matter when they were born." Alex rolled her eyes before nodding. "I just hope that…"

"That things don't fall apart between the two of you, the way it did between Erin and myself?"

"Yes."

"I don't think that it will, since you most likely won't be put in the same position that we were. And from what I know of you, you're not as stubborn as we are." Alex hated how soft her voice became with those word, since she knew that David would pick up on them, but there was nothing to be done about that, sometimes the truth bled out of a person before the flow could be stopped, and she only hoped that this wouldn't further clue him in to the fact that things were different between her and Erin now, as she didn't want to share this change with anyone else yet, not when the tenderness was still so nebulous. And even though she knew that Dave was quickly catching on to how things really were between the two of them, Alex still wanted to hold everything tightly to her chest, since that was where it belonged.

The second day of their current case was just as weird and disturbing as the first day, and Alex felt like she would need a full day away from everyone and everything to recover. Though that was never possible, since it seemed as if there was another unsub waiting in the wings to get their attention. Sinking onto the bed, she curled up around a pillow and stared at the window of their room, not really seeing out of it, as her eyes weren't focused on anything in particular. "I want to go home and hug Henry tight to my chest. Is that weird?"

Turning, she saw that JJ had already changed into her pyjamas before she had gotten into bed, and she sighed a little at how that was probably the best idea, as it would be difficult for her to get out of bed and change at this point. "No, I don't think that it's weird at all. I just want to unplug and decompress for a full day. Not even a week, just twenty four hours were I don't have to think about unsubs, or horrible cases, or grading papers. Just me, a good book, and copious cups of great coffee."

"That sounds like heaven, too."

Alex nodded, thinking about how Erin would say much the same, as well. "I used to take days like that when I was just teaching. After Amerithrax happened, I was in the classroom a lot more, trying to rebuild my reputation. And while working with kids, guiding them into their careers, is great and all, it can get to be a bit much when all you want to do is be in the field and hunting down unsubs."

"Did you miss it that much?"

She pursed her lips together as she thought about JJ's question, debating how to answer it without revealing too much about her past. "I did. I felt so betrayed and wronged by how things went down, and all I wanted was to be back there, in the action, proving myself. Instead, it took decades of hard work before I was allowed to be back in this place. Maybe that was for the best, but I can't say that for certain just yet."

"That makes sense, as it sounds like you were deeply hurt by events." Alex nodded. "And Strauss hasn't helped, has she?"

Alex licked her lips as she looked away from JJ, knowing that the truth would be too easy to read in her eyes. "Erin and I are still fumbling towards something that will work for us. My midnight calls have helped to bring me around to a place where I can start to be a little forgiving."

"That's good, truly. I know that it can be weird to try and make nice with someone who hurt you so deeply, but sometimes people truly do change for the better. If you had asked me that two years ago, I would never have said that about her, as I was so angry about being handed over to the State Department. And then everything with that happened, and I can't really talk about that time, other than to say that I was allowed to see a different side to Strauss than before, and it helped me to work out my issues with her. I'm not trying to push you towards something that you're not ready for, or to say that everything should be magically fixed by an 'I'm sorry', but sometimes it's better for your own heart to open up a little for the amends and then move forward, even if you're not going to pick up your relationship again."

"That's surprisingly good advice, thank you," she murmured before taking a deep breath. "I want to reconcile, though if you said that to her, I would deny saying it."

"I understand, and will not breathe a word about it to anyone. Is that what your argument with Rossi was about?"

"Sort of. There are other issues that we're going to have, in regards to things that he thinks he knows about, but I'm going to cross that bridge when I reach it." She was about to say more when her phone warbled out Erin's ringtone. "It's nowhere near midnight, why is she calling now?" she murmured as she picked up the device.

"Maybe something came up for her? Since it's still so early, I'll go talk with Spence for a little bit, to give you some privacy."

Before Alex could thank JJ, the woman was off the bed and out the door, shoving her keycard in the pocket of her yoga pants. Hurriedly, Alex answered the call, bringing the phone to her ear as she sat up and rested her back against the headboard of the bed. "Erin, why are you calling so early?"

"I, I needed to hear your voice. I just got off the phone with David, and it could have gone a lot better than it did."

Alex felt herself bristling with anger over the fact that she could hear tears in Erin's voice, and she took a few deep breaths in order to answer Erin kindly. "What did he say to you? Was it about our midnight calls?"

"Yes. He thinks he knows what's going on, and he doesn't like it. He doesn't understand that I…"

"That what, Erin?"

There was a long pause before Erin answered her. "I don't know if I can tell you. Because we're not to a point where we can afford to be tender with each other once more. I am. I want to be open and honest and raw with you, but I don't want to impose on you when you're just now finding your footing between us once more."

"Well, it's starting to affect me here in the field, because Dave is starting to get testy with your end of the midnight calls, and has been intimating that he knows that you're the one calling me. I've been loathe to let anyone other than James and Jen know that we've been talking, since it is so intensely private between us, and I want it to stay that way. Because this is a time of healing, even if I didn't see it as such when I figured out that you were the one calling."

"I should have been honest with you from the beginning."

"I wouldn't have talked to you, if you had been honest in the beginning. The subterfuge allowed me to get to know who you are now. I don't want to place pressure on your relationship with him, though, if you're serious about him. Even if he seems to think that this is a dalliance for both of you."

There was a surprising bitterness to her tone, one that she knew Erin would pick up on right away, and from the sigh that Erin let out, she was trying to think of what to say to Alex. "I told him when I got out of rehab that I shouldn't be in a relationship right away. Because we're asked to avoid emotional stressors for a year, in order to learn how to function in our everyday lives without alcohol. Well, given that I work with the BAU, I knew that that was an impossibility, so I agreed for something casual when it was clear that there were sparks between us. I didn't want serious at the beginning."

"But then your heart settled and became attached."

"Of course it did. Sex was never casual for me. You found that out soon enough."

Alex nodded as she rubbed her lips together, feeling like she was too close to tears for comfort. She didn't want to bowl over Erin's feelings, after all, and she was dangerously close to doing so by opening herself up to these feelings. "I was head over heels in love with you after the first time that we made love. I don't think I ever truly thought of it as sex, you know? But we were so young, and it was so heady and new to me, and I just blindly leapt into something."

"It was a blind leap for me, too, Lexie." Again, the soft use of her nickname, and for the first time in too many years, Alex felt her heart respond with a pang of want. "There were so many tender moments between us, and I wanted so desperately to be yours. You were my best friend, and lover, and teacher, and all I wanted was to bask in the light of your sun until eternity ended."

"We were both of that mindset. And then Alan barreled his way into our lives."

It had been so long since she had thought about the moment Erin's parents had introduced Alan, with the clear understanding that she was to stop whatever was happening between them and switch her focus to the one person who could give them the things that they wanted from life. "That was the first time that I cut the rope out from under you. You should have seen it coming during the Amerithrax case, Alex."

"It seems to me that you weren't the one holding the knife, Erin. Your parents were quite clear in their letter to me that they would not hesitate to cut you off from them and the rest of your family, should I allow our misguided fumblings continue."

"What?" Erin gasped out, and in that moment, Alex realized that she had never told Erin about that letter.

"I, I thought that I showed you that letter," she said quietly as she licked her lips. "I didn't mean…"

"I'm glad to know. I thought for so long that I was the reason that you so quickly started a relationship with James. I wish…I wish that we could be tender with each other now. I wish that I could be there, and knocking on your hotel door, and then falling into bed with you. Not to have sex, but to talk the night away face to face, and then slip off to sleep with your arm around my waist. But we can't have that, I ruined that, and I don't think that I'll ever forgive myself for that transgression."

Alex's heart cracked at the true sorrow in Erin's voice, and a tiny sliver of hope began to push apart those cracks, allowing a bright light to shine forth. "Maybe, maybe we can have some small bit of tenderness back in our lives. We've made enough baby steps towards this level of intimacy that maybe there is room in my heart to allow you back in a tiny bit. I can't make any promises, because there are still sore spots in my heart, but perhaps we could start working towards the friendship we once had?"

"Really?"

"Really. But I also want to kick Dave's shins for hurting you. There is no call for him to be upset with our calls, since it's not like we're going to fall back into our previous relationship. Even if James thinks that I still love you. I mean, that is what you were going to say earlier in our conversation, wasn't it? Before something held you back?"

There was a long pause, and Alex mentally kicked herself, wondering if she had pushed things too far, too fast. Finally, though, Erin replied in a small voice. "Yes. I don't think I ever stopped loving you, ever. Even when I knew that I couldn't have you. You don't turn off parts of your heart like it's a machine."

"I think I'm starting to realise that. I'm not ready to meet face to face, but I wouldn't mind texting with you, on occasion. Or emailing. Alongside our midnight calls, because I truly don't want those to end. Not when I've come to depend on my Louise so."

"Yes, well, Louise has found herself depending on the steadiness of her Alex. And I am forever grateful that our hearts have moved to this place. I was tearing myself up with trying to hide the truth from you, since I know that you hate lying. I, I should go. I'm going to settle into the tub and read a good book in an attempt to calm my heart a little more. Stay safe out there, I don't like this case."

"I feel the same way, it's just so weird. And I look forward to our next communication, whatever form it takes." Before she could reveal any more personal details about herself, Alex ended the call, hoping that Erin would understand just why she had been so abrupt.

I might email you tomorrow, Lexie. There are still some things easier to write than say. Take care. Yours, Erin.

That sweet text made her smile widely, and Alex sighed a little as she plugged her phone in, just as JJ was returning to their room. "All finished with Erin already?"

Alex shrugged, knowing that JJ had kept that particular secret for so long that she didn't have to worry about some minor details being shared. "She just needed some reassuring that everything was all right between us and between Dave and myself. He's being a bit of an ass, I guess, and reading more into our calls than what's truly happening. I know that you know this stays between us, but I would love to just smack him, hard, on the shoulder, for hurting her."

"I can understand that sentiment, Alex. Just, tread carefully. It wouldn't do to have any of you hurt by rash actions."

"I know. But thanks for the reminder. Now, how about we talk about more neutral topics? Like, how do we think this case is going to end?" JJ nodded as she plopped down on her bed, crossing her legs beneath her as they fell into a deep conversation about the case and unsub. And as long as Alex was able to keep her mind off her current situation, she knew that everything would be all right in the field.

Alex knew that she wasn't being particularly secretive as the team headed back to the Southwest. Since three other members knew about her midnight caller, there wasn't truly the need to make certain that she was careful with her anticipation. Still, she had felt Dave and Hotch watching her closely as they started to work on this current case. And she could tell from the looks that Dave had on his face every time that she caught him staring at her that Erin had told him a tiny bit of what was happening between them. The hangdog look, the sadness in his eyes that his smile never quite reached, all of it added up to someone who was fast coming to the realization that he perhaps cared a little more than he initially thought.

Those looks helped Alex to understand the concerned looks that Hotch kept throwing her way, and so she was not in the least bit surprised when their fearless leader stopped next to her as they were about to break for lunch. "I need to talk with you, Alex."

She nodded, pushing away from the table to pick up her phone and follow after him. JJ gave her a concerned look, and Alex shook her head, giving her a smile that she hoped conveyed the fact that she was all right with this little conference with Hotch. JJ nodded before touching her wrist, and the smile that spread across Alex's face was genuine as she nodded in return. "Are we going to talk over lunch?" she asked as they stepped outside the precinct, watching him closely for his reaction.

"I think that would be for the best, yes. Somehow, I don't think that this is going to be a quick chat."

Alex let out a long breath as she climbed into the passenger side of one of the vehicles, watching Hotch get behind the wheel and pull out into traffic a few moments later. "I know that you're going to ask me about Erin, about our midnight calls, and about how Dave is starting to wake up to the fact that there might be a little bit of trouble in his paradise."

"I am, yes. But if you know all about this discussion, why don't you tell me why you think I want to talk about it more in depth with just you."

She took a deep breath as she shrugged. "Because you know that I am the only one who can tell Erin that there's nothing more than friendship between us and that I can also push her back into Dave's arms, where she'll be safe and taken care of. Because you don't want there to be any discord between us, as it has the potential to become very messy, very quickly. You want to keep things smooth, for a reason that I don't quite understand yet."

"And that just proves how good a profiler you are, Alex. And you're right, I do have a reason for wanting there to be tranquility between us all, though I'm waiting for a few more pieces to fall into place and prove me right or wrong."

Alex nodded as he pulled into the parking lot of a local restaurant, and which told her that he wanted a small bit of privacy for the rest of their discussion. Upon entering the building, they were quickly shown to a table, and as she perused the menu, she thought about what she was going to say in response to any further questions that Hotch might have. "All right, what do you want me to do about the situation?"

"I want you to use your best judgement and figure out how to walk that very fine line between your wants and needs, and what will make Dave happy. I know that's not fair to you, or Erin, and I know that I'm asking a lot of you both, but he's my best friend."

She nodded and set the menu aside as they waited for the waitress to appear. Though she didn't want to, Alex kept finding her gaze drawn back to Aaron's face, seeing that beneath the stoic look he was wearing there was a pain that told her that things were bothering Dave more than she had imagined, and she tried not to dwell on that fact as they ate and Aaron tried to keep up a running commentary on the case. It was kind of him to try and keep her thoughts away from his query, now that it was out in the open, but she still found herself thinking back to Erin, and how they would deal with this turn of events.

By the time that the team returned to the hotel that evening, Alex found herself exhausted and looking forward to a call from Erin, if only to have her soothe her nerves in regards to everything that was going on. A small part of her worried that Dave would tell Erin not to call her, that she didn't want to hear from her, which Alex knew was an absurd, paranoid, thought. Still, she couldn't ger it out of her mind, and even JJ noticed her distress as they fell onto their beds.

"So, you had a come to Jesus meeting with Hotch today."

"Is that what that was?" she asked as she plugged her phone in, wanting to have a full charge if Erin did reach out to her that evening. "I know that he's basically in the middle of this weird square, trying to mediate everything and everyone, bit I'm old enough to be an adult about things, and how not to get into a fight at work. Not that I want to fight with Dave, but I also feel like digging my heels in and keeping my friendship with Erin."

A wry smile spread across JJ's face as she brought her knees up to her chest and shook her head. "I love how you think it's just a friendship, Alex. I've overheard bits and pieces of these conversations that you've had over the weeks, and even I can tell that your feelings have changed for Strauss. I'm assuming that the same is true for her. Just, tread carefully. I managed to develop feelings for a team member, and it almost did hurt my relationship with Will. I know that things are different for you guys, but I don't want to see any of you being hurt."

"I'll try to keep that in mind, thank you," she whispered as she felt the first tears start to sting at her eyes. Not wanting to cry in front of JJ, she stretched out on the bed and pulled a book out of her attaché case, settling in to read and escape from her troubles, hoping that JJ would understand why she was closing herself off.

To her shock, the younger woman reached out and patted her shoulder before heading into the bathroom, and Alex sighed a little as she continued to try and lose herself in the written word. It was difficult to concentrate, and she found herself reading the same paragraph over and over until she eventually gave up, closing the book with a dull thud before turning onto her side, curing around one of her pillows and drifting off to sleep. A few hours later, she came to wakefulness as her phone rang on the nightstand, and Alex quickly snaked her hand out and turned the ringer off before taking the call outside and sinking down into one of the chairs there.

"Hello?"

"Alex, that does not sound like a very happy hello."

She sniffled a little as she nodded, even though she knew that Erin couldn't see the gesture. "I had another talk with Aaron today, and it did not go well. I mean, I tried to put on a brave face and give him the answers that he wanted, but I know that he's trying to keep the peace between us all. And he wants to see you end up with Dave, because that makes his life easier."

"And what do you want?"

She let out a watery laugh. "I don't know any more. I want you, I want James, and want all of us to end up happy. But two of us are going to end up devastated. I didn't want these feelings to come up between us, when I found out that you were the person I was talking to, I just wanted to keep up our friendship."

"And then, things got too comfortable."

"Yes."

"So, what do you want to do now? Are, are you going to ask me to stop calling you, to stop texting you? I don't know if I can do that, Lexie. I love our talks, I finally feel like I have a girlfriend to destress with once more, and you've helped keep the cravings at bay. I've come to rely on the support you give me. But I also enjoy David's company when he's home. The sex is so good, Lexie."

"You do remember that I have to work closely with him? I don't want to picture the two of you together, intimately. I, I remember all too well what your body looks like, and how you sound, and that is not a good thing in this case."

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay, I just want to keep my thoughts chaste with regards to him." Erin giggled, which was a welcome sound to Alex's ears, and she sighed a little. "Though I don't mind other thoughts?"

"Have you had other thoughts?" There was a slight purr to Erin's tone, and Alex shivered a little, wishing she had brought out a blanket with her. "Lexie?"

"Once. I woke up in the middle of an org*sm, and had to hope that JJ hadn't woken up to hear me moaning your name. Though in my dream, we were still young, still fresh. If I was completely honest with you, I would love to map out how your body has changed over the years that separated us. You're more lush than you were at the Academy."

"Look who's talking, Lexie. It's like you've bloomed into a ripe peony over the years, and all I want to do is bury my nose in you and breathe in deeply."

"f*ck," she lowly muttered, shifting in her seat as a shot of pure desire thrummed through her body. "You can't do things like that to me. I want, and I desire, and that is not healthy for either of us. If you were here right now, you'd be able to see my body's reaction."

"I can only imagine," Erin answered breathlessly, and Alex let out a quiet whimper as she shifted her body once more, trying desperately not to picture Erin's flushed skin, or imagining that she was biting her lip invitingly. "I'm sorry, I've turned our chat away from something sad to something lurid."

"No, not lurid, never lurid. There's nothing wrong with desiring another person, Erin, and to use that word to describe what's happening here is so small. Since my return back to the BAU, and to you, my life has grown again, and I don't want to go back to that person I was just prior to this time. I love this bad we share, and if we were to give it a negative label, we'd soon come to resent this. I don't want that."

"Neither do I, Lexie. I, I should probably go, but not because of you. I've worked myself up and need to take care of things before I get a few more hours sleep. I love you."

Before Alex could respond to those words, Erin had ended the call, and she sighed deeply as she hugged the phone tightly to her chest. The woman had said the words that were fluttering against her own lips, and she didn't know how she felt about the fact that they were dancing around such deep feelings, because there would be such messy fallout from when things eventually came to a head and they had to make their final choices. Until then, she'd have to make due with their midnight calls and worry about that future when it came.

Alex wanted nothing more than to go home and collapse in her bed after this last case, since she was so emotionally drained after things. And it hadn't helped that Erin hadn't called at all during the case, which caused a part of her mind to wonder if Rossi had finally convinced her to stop talking to Alex, to leave these burgeoning feelings between them in the dust so that she could be comfortable with him. Hotch seemed to pick up on her black mood, as he kept giving her sympathetic looks that were pushing her closer and closer to the edge of tears as the flight home dragged on.

That lasted until he received a text message on his phone, and Alex watched as he suddenly became all business once more, glancing over at Rossi and giving him a tight nod. She knew that that was never a good sign, and she wondered if there was something going down for the team, or if there was going to be another come to Jesus meeting with her. Nothing more was said for the rest of the flight, and she tried to ignore the way her stomach started to roil as they finally landed in Quantico. Alex purposefully avoided the car that Aaron was driving back to the office, instead choosing to ride with Morgan and Spencer, even though she knew that that was taking her life into her own hands.

Somehow, they made it back to the building in one piece, and she slunk over to her desk, hoping that she could avoid whatever was coming next, no matter what it was. "All right, I know that everyone wants to head home, but we need to regroup in the conference room."

Aaron sounded so serious in that moment, which told Alex that there was nothing good to come. That feeling only intensified when Erin brushed by them to head up to the conference room, a tight, closed off, look on her face. Still, she was reluctant to follow Spencer upstairs, since she felt like she didn't want to hear whatever would be said. Erin gave her a brief glance before quickly touching her ear with her finger, which told Alex that they might be talking sooner rather than later.

"All right, this shouldn't take too long, but it is something that we need to address here and now. Since September, there has been a series of disturbing copycat cases that are replicating cases we've closed since then. The first time it happened, I was ready to write it off as a disturbing groupie, looking for attention, but there have been a few more replicated cases that have cropped up, and I think that it's time we acknowledge that we appear to have acquired a rather serious stalker who knows far too much about our cases, since in at least one of these cases there was no media coverage. Erin has graciously allowed me to work behind the scenes to try and figure out what, exactly is going on."

"And I would prefer that it remain Agent Hotchner being the one to do the searching. The rest of you have different jobs to do, and this is not an officially sanctioned case. I can protect him easier than I can your entire team, since one person doing a rogue search could just be doing background work for another case. I know that you'll all want to jump on the bandwagon, like you normally do, but this time I cannot turn a blind eye to matters, like I have in the past. I'm sorry."

Erin's gaze paused on everyone in turn, though Alex knew that their shared glance was the briefest, which was almost as telling as if they had held each other's eyes for a beat too long. Thankfully, though, only JJ seemed to notice that brevity, as she gave Alex a quick look of commiseration as Aaron wrapped up the rest of the conversation. Erin scurried out first, Rossi hot on her heels, and Alex let out a long breath as she slowly pushed away from the table and followed the others back into the bullpen. JJ lingered around her desk, and she nodded a little as she slung her back over her shoulder and followed the younger woman out towards the elevators.

"I take it that you want to talk?" she asked lowly as they waited for the elevator to arrive.

"A little, yes. You two are really obvious, if you know what to look for. And maybe it's only because I know that Strauss is your midnight caller that I can read these microreactions between the two of you, but I have the feeling that if things continue down their current path, those microreactions are going to start being broadcast more clearly. I know that you want to keep things quiet until you both make your decision on which road you'll continue down, so perhaps tone it down a little?"

Alex chuckled nervously as she nodded. "I keep trying to play it cool, but this is all so new to me."

"And you're upset because you didn't get a call from her on this case." Alex nodded. "You do realise, since you know who's calling you, that you could call her once in a while, if you feel like she's forgotten you."

She felt her eyes narrow as she turned her head to look at JJ. "How is it that you have the best advice here, when I am your elder?"

"Because your head is in the clouds when it comes to her, so it takes an outside perspective to get you to see the light. If I was closer to her, I'd be offering the same advice. Now go home, and perhaps call her tonight, so that you can get this teenage angst out of your system?"

Alex chuckled as she relaxed, stepping inside the elevator, allowing JJ to press the button for the ground floor. The short ride down was quietly punctuated by JJ talking to Will, letting him know that she was finally on her way home, and Alex felt a pang of regret that she couldn't share that same experience with someone in her life. She gave JJ a small wave as she made her way over to her car, getting behind the wheel and hurriedly driving home.

The house was too quiet, but she didn't bother to turn any music on until she was in the bathroom, stripping down and taking care of her used clothing before stepping into the shower and quickly washing her body, humming along with the song on the radio as she did so. Stepping out of the shower, Alex wrapped a towel around her hair before drying off her body and pulling on nightclothes. Then she was heading over to her bed, the towel still around her hair as she settled back against the headboard and picked up the book she was reading, knowing that she had to try and relax a little before even attempting to sleep.

Still, she had barely read three words before her phone began to ring, and she frowned as she closed the book before picking it up, seeing that it was only eleven, and yet Erin was still calling her. "Erin," she breathed out as she answered, listening to the relieved breath on the other end of the line. "I take it that Rossi didn't go home with you tonight?"

"No, he and Aaron decided to work late into the night on this case, because my partner has never been able to listen to me. No matter who it is."

"I listened to you."

There was a small pause, and then Alex's phone began to alert her to the fact that Erin wanted to Facetime. It was an easy decision to make, and she accepted the request, giving the woman a wry smile as she touched the towel on her head. "You always look beautiful fresh out of the bath. I look like a drowned Pomeranian."

"You're deflecting." Erin shrugged. "I'm calling you out on it, and the fact that I listened to you."

Erin licked her lips a little as she finally nodded. "I guess I never thought of you as just my partner. You always occupied a place in my heart that was different from Alan and David. You're akin to my soulmate, and I don't want to ruin that by now lumping you in with them."

A sad look crossed her features, and Alex suddenly wished that they were together so that she could squeeze Erin's hand encouragingly. "That's sweet."

"That's the depth of my emotions for you. It was hard not to hold your eye this evening in the conference room."

"JJ noticed, and admonished me that we need to play things a little more carefully, since we're not that hard to read, if one knows the language. Not to change subjects quickly, but are you as unsettled by this news as I am?"

Erin nodded, and Alex let out a soft gasp when the phone dropped a little, revealing that Erin was dressed in a slinky nightgown that did little to take Alex's mind out of the gutter. "Sorry, I had to get a little more comfortable. But yes, I am deeply disturbed by this turn of events. Because my mind is heading down a rabbit hole that I can't call it back from."

"And that would be?" she asked as she reached up and pulled the towel off her head, allowing her hair to fall heavily around her shoulders, not failing to miss the way that Erin licked her lips, remembering that the woman had always had a thing for her hair.

"That these replicated cases only began once you rejoined the BAU. I am trying not to make that correlation, but it is hard not to. Especially since the cases that have been replicated are the most creepy ones that you have worked on, starting with the Silencer."

"I didn't think about that," Alex murmured, shivering a little as she scooted down in the bed a little, trying to make herself a little more comfortable. "What do you think that might mean for me?"

"I don't know, Lexie. All I do know is that I am unsettled, and I don't like feeling this way. I wanted to say something to you about this before now, but there weren't enough replicated cases to create a pattern until now. And I wish that I could be with you now, because I rather need a warm body to curl around mine as I struggle not to worry or give in to these cravings. David might show up later tonight, but it won't be the same."

"I know. I would love for you to be here, too. But there are things that we can't have right now."

"I know. What am I going to tell David?"

Alex co*cked her head to one side as she rubbed her lips back and forth, trying to come up with a proper answer for Erin. "Can you believe that words are failing me now? I, the linguist, who should be able to wield words with laser precision, am floundering here, because I just don't know. We want something that will devastate the two people who are closest to us, but there is still this yearning that I cannot turn off. I want to be there with you, pressing my forehead against yours as we talk ourselves to sleep, but you and Rossi don't deserve that behaviour, and neither does James. There are feelings fluttering in my heart that I dare not give a name to, because I don't want to shatter us, all of us."

She knew that she had started to cry, because Erin was always a sympathetic crier, and there were fresh tears starting to roll down her cheeks. "That's probably the best way to describe what's currently between us – yearning. Oh, Lexie, how I yearn."

Alex nodded a little before brushing away the tears on her cheeks with her free hand. "I just wish that there wasn't this damned Replicator in the mix. I think that everything would be that much easier if we able to just explore what was between us without the horror of someone targeting our team hanging over our heads." Erin gave her a small nod in return. "And JJ offered me some good advice on the way to our cars this evening."

"And that was?"

"That I should call you sometimes, since we both know who we're talking to now. She was bothered by the fact that I got upset with the fact that you didn't call on this last case."

Erin gave a watery chuckle as she shrugged. "Time always got away from me, I'm sorry. And I was dealing with the Director so often with regard to this case, and I just didn't want to burden you with all that drama?"

"I understand that, yes, but if we choose one pathway, we're going to have to share everything, no matter how dramatic or petty it might be. I've learned so much about relationships since James and I went long distance for long stretches of the year, that I know things a little better. I'm sorry."

"There's nothing to be sorry for, Lexie. It's just something that we'll have to work on." Erin yawned, causing a sympathetic reaction in Alex. "We need to go to sleep now. I promise, we'll talk soon?"

"I will hold you to that. Sleep well, dear."

"You as well, darling." Erin touched her lips before ending the call, and Alex let out a little sigh as she briefly hugged the device to her chest before setting it on her bedside table and sliding down the mattress before turning off her lamp and finally allowing sleep to claim her, her thoughts still on Erin as she drifted off.

There were four days until Christmas, and Alex hadn't gotten anything for Erin, not knowing if that would be appropriate, or if they would have a moment together during the holiday season. The team had been grounded that year for Christmas, which meant that they were all home, and that also meant that Erin would be spending a lot of time with Rossi, since they were still a couple. Which bothered Alex far more than she would ever let on, because she knew that it wasn't fair to Rossi, to have these surging feelings for his partner. In any other couple, she'd be judging the hell out of the homewrecker, which meant that she was judging herself just as much, and that was hurting her heart so much. Still, she wouldn't force Erin to choose her, again, because it wasn't fair to try to manipulate Erin into the thing that Alex most desired.

Shaking her head a little, Alex grabbed her blanket from off the back of the sofa and wrapped it around her legs as she stared out the window at the rain. A part of her wished that it was snow, because that might have at least put her in the Christmas mood, rather than this deep sense of melancholy. Letting out a deep sigh, she reached out and picked up her book off the coffee table and began to read, fully intending to lose herself in the fictional world, where problems would be solved in the course of three hundred or so pages, and a happy ending was almost always guaranteed.

After an hour of reading, she heard a familiar ringtone jangle out from her phone, and she shoved the closest piece of paper into her place before setting the book aside and picking up the device. "Jamie!" she cried out happily as she accepted the call, and a small, happy, sigh slipped from her lips as she settled back into the sofa as she waited for him to say something.

"I'm calling to wish you a Merry Christmas, Lexie Lou. I don't know if I'll be able to get a free moment to contact you on the day itself, since I'll be working on the front lines starting Christmas Eve. So I thought that we could celebrate the holiday right now."

"That sounds wonderful. Do you have a strong enough connection today so that we could Facetime?"

There was too long a pause on the other end of the line, which told Alex all that she needed to know, but James still answered her nonetheless. "I'm afraid not. I was lucky enough to find a spot that gave me enough reception to call you, since there were quite a few dropped calls earlier in the day. But enough sad talk, let's talk about Christmas. What are your plans for the day?"

"I might head out for Chinese food and to see a movie, or see if there's a gallery open in DC that I could wander through. Without you here, and the team being grounded, there's really no one for me to hang out with."

"There's Erin."

She shook her head, even though she knew that he couldn't see her. "We're all home, which means that she'll be spending the holiday with her children and Dave. She might call for a few minutes, which I'll be grateful for, but that's the most that I can and should expect. I don't know why a blue Christmas is bothering more this year than last year, but it is."

James let out what could only be described as a sad chuckle, and she sighed again at the sound. "You're bothered more this year because your feelings are different this year. Yes, you still love me, but you are also allowing your love for Erin to bleed through to the surface once more, and being away from both of us is an extra ache that you don't know how to work through."

"Yes," she replied, knowing that she couldn't lie to him. "As we've talked over the months that I've been back with the BAU, I found myself growing close to Louise. I needed her as a friend, since you were gone, and Erin was a thorn in my side. But as soon as I knew who I was talking to, everything just seemed to fall into place. I feel comfortable with her, Jamie, and I don't know what will happen next."

"So, I take it by that little speech, things between you and Erin are getting better?"

"So much better, Jamie. I know, without you even saying anything to me, that this is so unfair to all three of you, but God help me, I cannot seem to shut this tap off once more. I can't find that anger or bitterness that I held onto for so long. It's as if, once I decided to let it go and start anew with her, that meant I could never reclaim the past rift."

"That's the thing about true reconciliation, Lexie. You can't put limits on the changes in you."

"But I'm going to hurt all three of you in the process."

James hummed beneath his breath a little as he paused before answering. "You can't protect everyone from the things that might hurt us in this world, and you know that. You work in a profession where you see the truth of that every single time you're on a case. Why would you think that that would be any different in your personal life?"

"Because I thought I could protect you all from that as I wrestled with these feelings in my heart. Erin's told me that she loves me, but I haven't said those words back yet."

"Why?"

"Because if I say them, then they're true, and we're one step closer to being apart. I want both of you in my life for as long as possible. Again, I know how selfish that sounds, especially right before Christmas. You never signed on for this, and I am so sorry for doing this to you."

Another soft hum on his end of the line told Alex that he was thinking of what to say to her once more, and she desperately wished that she could see his face so that she could read his expressions, knowing that she could find out a lot more about what he was feeling by those unspoken words. "A part of your heart always belonged to Erin. I reconciled myself to that truth a long time ago, because I love you. And even if you choose to continue down the path that leads to Erin, I will still love you, because we shared a life together, and for a time, you were mine."

"I hate that you're so okay with this. A part of my brain is telling me that the reason you're not yelling at me is because you've never truly, completely, loved me. And before you even say anything, I will let you know that I realise that that's a ridiculous statement. But my emotions are all over the place right now, and I just wish that you and Erin were here to hug me tightly, holding me between the two of you as we figure things out."

"Oh, Alex, you have no idea how much I want to be there for you, holding you, and telling you that it's all right to be a little afraid of what's going to come next. And yes, your brain is lying to you, because I do love you with my entire heart, but it is my mind and heart in conjunction right now. Both are in agreement that since this is Christmas, the time for miracles and great love, you should probably tell Erin what you truly feel for her. While it's not fair to love both of us, it's also not fair to keep us both in limbo. Sooner or later, you're going to have to make a decision, own the hurt that it will cause, and move forward with your life, knowing that I'll always be here for you."

"Again, you sound like you know what my decision will be already."

"I think I knew from the moment you told me that it was Erin who was calling you."

"Oh."

"Yes. All right, Lexie Lou, I only have about three minutes left on my break before I have to get back into things. Is there anything that you want to talk about before I let you go?"

She hated the way he phrased that question, but also realized that he had probably spoke without thinking, and so she drew in a soft breath. "Are they at least giving you a proper Christmas meal, on the frontlines?"

"I think that we're having roast lamb. Ham isn't halal, and duck is rather difficult to get over here. But a good rack of lamb will be a nice change of pace for us this year."

"With mint jelly?"

"Of course! The rest of the dishes will be more in the tradition of our hosts, but at least we'll have one thing that might remind us of home while we work to save lives. Oh, and according to my email, your Christmas present should arrive with tomorrow's mail. You'll have to sign for it, since it was rather expensive, but I know that you'll love it."

"I'm a sh*t partner."

"Don't say that, Lexie Lou."

"Why not? It's true! I didn't get a gift for you, or for Erin. I didn't think it would be right for me to get her a gift, after all, and I just plain forgot for you. I'm sorry."

"Darling, there's nothing to be sorry for. You're working a new job, along with still being a professor when possible. Gifts being the last thing on your mind makes complete sense. Try not to feel guilty about that. Okay?"

"I'll try."

"That's all I ask. And now, I do have to go. I will call you again as soon as I can, but Merry Christmas, Alex."

"Merry Christmas, James," she whispered in return before hearing the beeps of a disconnected call. Letting out a heartbroken sigh, she hugged the phone tightly to her chest as she allowed herself to cry. Alex tried to tell her heart that she wasn't wallowing in self-pity, but in the back of her mind, she knew that was exactly what she was doing. Shaking her head, Alex got up from the sofa and made her way into the kitchen, making herself a cup of tea while she threw together a light lunch, not really hungry for much beyond a sandwich and some fruit.

After eating, she collapsed on the sofa once more, picking up the remote to flip through the channels on the television, wanting to find something mindless to watch in order to take her mind off the quagmire that she had become stuck in. Finally, she settled on Home Alone, letting it play in the background as she stretched out on the sofa, wrapping the blanket around her legs as she stared at the screen. Alex found comfort in John Williams's score, and she let that be her focus as she reached out for a book, wanting to read some before she got up to actually do something with the day.

Her phone rumbled against the coffee table, and she frowned a little as she set the book down on her hip, grabbing the device and looking at the screen. You know, if you are really feeling that guilty about not getting us presents, you still have a few days. I'll just get mine late, though it will be the thought that counts most of all. I just hate to think of you all alone and dwelling. Seriously, get Erin something and run it over to her house Christmas Day.

Alex let out a breathy laugh at her husband's words, knowing that he had a point. Getting to her feet, she looked down at her outfit and decided that it was perfectly serviceable for shopping. After grabbing her purse and keys, she sent off a quick text in return, letting him know that she was going to take his advice and try to find the perfect gifts for them before the day ended. Knowing that wherever she went, it would be a madhouse that close to the holiday, Alex prepared herself for that crush of people, knowing that James was right. She would feel so guilty if Erin did show up with a gift for her. After getting behind the wheel of her car, Alex thought about where she would head first, hoping that certain things about Erin hadn't changed in the years between them, as that was all she had to guide her on gift choice. James would be somewhat easy, since she knew him so well. And then, she knew exactly where to go, hoping that she hadn't left things for too late, and that she would have the courage to reach out to Erin when the holiday came around.

There had been no calls from Erin after Christmas day, and Alex understood that she was most likely trying to find a way to navigate this new situation that they had found themselves in. Though Alex had caught her smiling at her whenever she saw that she was wearing the scarf she'd been given. Still, she wanted to talk with her friend, now that everything was out in the open, and this inability to contact her was growing more and more grating as the days dragged by. Again, she knew that she could reach out, could call or text, but she felt like it was important that she allowed Erin to make that first contact with her, since she was still probably hesitant about how Alex felt about their two kisses.

"That scarf looks good on you."

Alex looked up at Rossi, giving him a small smile as she shrugged. "Louise has good taste, and remembered my favourite colours. I'm lucky to have such a good friend in my life."

"That you are. Erin's been going through ink like it's nobody's business in her new pen. I've never seen her write so many letters and lists. I wish that I had thought to get her the Mont Blanc that she'd always talked about wanting. Turns out she has a good friend who knows her quite well, too."

Again, Alex shrugged as they entered the bullpen at the same moment. Hotch hadn't really said why they were meeting in the bullpen so early on a Saturday morning, but she knew that it had to be important. "I'm certain that Hotch is just as good a friend to you as Louise is to me."

"I'd like to think so." He gave her a sad smile, which just told her that he knew she was being kind to spare his feelings, and she felt her heart lurch a little in her chest as they went over to where the rest of the team was gathered. All thoughts of Erin and their kisses were soon shoved to the backburner as she focused on Spencer and what he was going through, knowing just how much he loved Maeve. She wanted to find her before things escalated too badly, since he deserved to be happy, especially when she was stuck between happiness and sorrow.

The hours passed by too quickly as they hunted down where Maeve could be, until at last, it seemed like she had been found. Spencer, of course, had been the one to run into the breach, leaving them behind to wait until the right moment, only for it to be far too late. Alex had nearly broken down into tears as she watched the bodies drop to the floor, and she turned her face away from the naked devastation on Spencer's face. Rossi was so kind, reaching out to touch her shoulder in sympathy before heading over with Hotch to check and make certain that Diane and Maeve were truly dead, even though Alex could tell that they were just by looking at their bodies.

There had been a long talk with the police, which Hotch had handled well, and then they were finally allowed to head home. A part of Alex wanted to comfort Spencer, but JJ and Morgan were already there, and she didn't want to interrupt that moment. Instead, she decided that her best course of action would be to head over to Erin's home, and see if she could just fall asleep in her guest room. She didn't need to talk, she just needed to be with a friend in that moment.

As she pulled up to Erin's garage, Alex noticed that someone else had also decided to visit Erin late at night, and she knew that it had to be Rossi. There was no one else who would be discourteous enough to show up on the doorstep of just anyone this close to too early in the morning. Rather than just barge into Erin's home and leave him in the dust, Alex leaned against the trunk of her car as she waited for him to park and then come up to her side.

"So, you've come to visit Louise."

Alex nodded, knowing that it would be unfair for her to lie to him any longer. "I just wanted something of my own, that you all didn't know about. Especially since you all thought that Erin and I were on such bad terms. But I don't want to be alone tonight, I need a friend's shoulder to cry on. And I'm assuming that you don't want to be alone, either, and want to cry on your lover's shoulder?"

He smiled sadly before giving her a small nod. "I did call ahead to let her know that I was coming over, so she is up. Come on, let's head up to the door." Rossi spread his hand out on her back as he guided her up the steps to the porch before he knocked heavily on the door. It didn't take Erin long to answer, and she hugged them each in turn, pressing her cheek against theirs before handing them each a mug of tea.

"Let's head to the living room. I made certain to bring out extra blankets after David called me to say what happened." She threaded her arms through theirs and led them into the correct room. Alex was the first to pull away, choosing to sit on the end of the sofa that had a familiar blanket on it. Looking over at Erin, she saw the woman give her a small nod as Alex took a seat, setting aside the tea for a moment so that she could wrap the blanket around her legs. "All right, do you want to talk about what happened?"

"No."

"Yes."

Alex leaned forward to look at Rossi, seeing that he was staring down into his mug of tea, a forlorn expression on his face. She knew that she couldn't begrudge his wanting to discuss what happened, since he needed to get it out before it ate him alive. "Well, how do I decide between the two people who mean the most to me in the world?" Erin asked gently as she patted both their knees.

"Maybe Rossi's right, maybe we should talk about it, get it out of our systems before it can fester." She let out a deep sigh as she curled her feet up beneath her before picking up her tea once more, holding it close to her chest. "I'd forgotten that physics can work like that. It's not fair."

"Life's not fair," Rossi replied as he brought his mug up to his lips, taking a long sip. "But I was hoping that it would work out for the kid this time. He's had so much sh*t thrown at him over the course of his life, it's just not right that he would lose someone he loves in that manner."

Erin nodded as she snaked one hand upwards to push Alex's head down onto her shoulder. "He has been through the wringer over the years, yes. Which is why he's going to need his team to surround him at this time, because we don't want him relapsing into his Dilaudid addiction once more."

That was news to Alex, as she hadn't heard that he had had an issue with addiction. "There is that fear, yes. Morgan's grown closer to him over the years, but without Emily here, that worry will be in the back of my mind. I also don't want you to be tempted into doing something rash because you're trying to be all things to the team, even if it's behind the scenes. You know how close we were to losing you completely."

Erin nodded as she looked over at Alex. "I think there are a few things that Louise hasn't told her Lexie, and that is one of them."

Alex blinked at Erin before giving her a small nod. "And I think that I would like to hear this story, because I have the feeling that it is rather important. Erin? Rossi?"

Erin let out a long breath as she continued to look into Alex's eyes. As if he knew that Erin wouldn't be able to speak, Rossi cleared his throat before starting to speak once more. "IAB was quite insistent that Erin not return, as they had already given her one chance, and she had failed. Aaron, despite his being rather ham fisted about it, was able to get them to see to reason and allow her a second chance in a different rehab center. This one worked, but there were costs."

"Costs?" she whispered, feeling like she couldn't look away from Erin's gaze, as if that was the only thing holding them together in that moment.

"I lost my mooring for a while. The children didn't want to talk to me, Alan was being an ass, and I felt completely alone. David became my literal saviour, because he saw that I was fast losing who I was, and from there, we started a relationship. It was easy to love him, just like it was easy to love you, back when we first started things. Life is just so complicated and tragic."

Alex pursed her lips as she tried not to cry at the look on Erin's face as she gave the woman a small nod. "It really is." Her voice broke on that last word, and she allowed the tears to roll down her cheeks as she continued to stare into Erin's eyes. The woman reached up and brushed away a few of those tears before she allowed her body to drop against the back of the sofa, taking Alex with her. Moments later, Rossi's arm snaked around behind Erin's neck so that he could curl his hand around her shoulder, offering her comfort as she cried.

It was so easy to scoot closer to Erin, to pull the blanket on her legs up around her chest as she looked to Rossi for permission for something she couldn't name in that moment. He seemed to completely understand, as he gave her a small, knowing, nod before he moved closer to Erin as well. Within moments, Alex had wrapped her arm around Erin's waist as she allowed her head to drop heavily on her chest. Once she was comfortable, it was so easy to let herself cry harder, as she thought about how Spencer must be feeling, wondering if he was alone, or if Derek had chosen to stay with him on this first, dark, night. She didn't realise that Dave was stroking her hair until his thumb caught in a tangle, pulling at it a little roughly and causing her to wince and hiss in pain.

"Sorry."

"It's okay, Rossi. All that matters is you're letting me be here, horning in on your time with Erin."

There was a small pause before he spoke once more. "I wouldn't have felt right if I had just refused to let you come inside. I have the distinct feeling that you and Erin are extremely close, and she needs her friendships, too."

Alex tried to ignore the heartbroken tone of the last part of his sentence, only nodding a little against the softness of Erin's chest as a wide yawn split apart her lips. "I should probably head up to the guest room, and let you two curl up together," she whispered as she tried to get up, only to have Rossi's hand tighten around her shoulder, holding her in place. "Rossi?"

"This is a recliner sofa. I don't think Erin would forgive me if I allowed any of us to be separated tonight. Here, I'll put up the footrest on your side before doing the same for Erin and myself." Alex pressed her lips together again, trying to swallow the renewed feeling of crying. Erin lowered her head to press a soft kiss to the crown of Alex's head, and then they were sighing in tandem as Rossi settled back on the sofa. Once he was there, his hand resting on her shoulder again, Alex allowed herself to drift off to sleep as she heard the two start to talk quietly, soothing her heart more than she thought possible.

Alex had felt so off kilter when they had briefed their next case and Spencer wasn't there. She had known that he would be taking time after Maeve's murder, but it still felt like something was missing from the group as they went over the case together, each person glancing to the empty chair where their missing member should be. It had become even more difficult when they had boarded the jet, and she again couldn't keep her mind from the fact that one of their people was not there.

"I feel it, too, Blake."

She looked up at Morgan, trying to appear a bit aloof as she regarded him. "Feel what?" she said as evenly as possible, and then he was letting out a wry chuckle. "Derek?"

"It feels like we're walking around with a missing arm. The kid is always with us, no matter what he might be going through, that his absence is a shock that throws us off balance." She drew in a deep breath as she gave him a small nod. "Garcia's going to try and see if she can't draw him out with questions that only he can answer. Or at least, that will be the story she gives. If she can get him to answer his phone."

"He's not taking your calls either?" JJ asked as she took a seat next to Alex, handing over a mug of tea.

"No, it keeps going right to voicemail, and since I know he never checks those, I always give up before the message plays through."

"Garcia keeps leaving gift baskets on his doorstep, and there are growing piles of them. I half expect his neighbors to start picking them over like vultures, since she's not skimping on what she's sending. But I suppose that that's the way she shows us love, and it's rather sweet in her own, unique, Garcia way."

"She does like to give gifts, yes," Alex murmured as she thought about the travel mug she'd been given when she had first started with the team. JJ nodded and reached out, patting her knee a little before they began to go over the case facts as they knew them. The return to semi-normality soothed Alex, and she gratefully focused on the task at hand, wanting to give someone the closure that Reid hadn't gotten.

The resolve to carry on, to pretend like things were okay lasted only until Reid had appeared at their precinct, looking disheveled, exhausted, and full of grief. A part of Alex had wanted to push past the others, to gather him up in her arms and hold him close, even if that would embarrass both of them so much. But though everyone else was allowed to touch him, to interact with him, she was left on the fringes of the group, the earlier comradery vanishing in a moment. And then he left without her being able to even get a word in to him, and her heart ached for want of something she couldn't put her finger on. The rest of the day passed in a fast blur, and Alex hoped that she was contributing to the group, but had no way to assess how things were going.

"Hey, we're heading to the hotel now. Did you want to ride with me or wait for Morgan, Reid, and Hotch?"

Blinking, she looked up at JJ and gave her a small shrug as a breath of frustration slipped out of her lips. As she rose to her feet, Alex threw one last lingering look at her protégé before turning and following after JJ and Rossi. A part of her wasn't that surprised when the man rested his hand on the small of her back as they went out to the parking lot before climbing into the car. JJ positioned herself behind the wheel, and Alex decided to let Rossi sit next to her, getting into the back, only to give him a small frown when he took the spot next to her. "Rossi?"

"You need to stay awake on the ride to the hotel, since I know that it's nearly midnight back home…"

"Erin and I talk at midnight my time," she replied petulantly, and JJ had the temerity to giggle from the front seat even as Alex glared at her.

"Tonight, you need to talk to her at midnight her time, and then go to sleep. Because you need rest to heal that open wound that is your heart right now."

"You have no idea what you're talking about!"

"Alex, it's so clear to me, after the night we spent at Erin's, just how much you're hurting. I've seen behind that carefully crafted façade you try to wear, exactly like Erin, and it's not working any longer."

She looked up in the rearview mirror to see that JJ was giving her a small look of commiseration. "Fine," she bit out as she curled up in her seat, leaning against the window and staring out at nothing. The rest of the drive was completed in silence, and Alex was the first out of the vehicle, stalking up to their hotel room and over to her bed and plopping down onto the bed before pulling out her phone and calling Erin.

"You're calling me, darling?"

There was something so instantly soothing about the sound of Erin's voice that all of Alex's walls came crashing down as she began to sob. "Yes. Dave said that I needed to talk to you," she managed to get out before turning on her side, away from the door as it opened once more, letting JJ in.

"Well, that explains his text to me a little while ago. I was planning on calling at our usual time. I heard that Doctor Reid has joined you out there. How is that going?"

Alex sniffled a little as she listened to JJ rummage around in her bag before she closed herself in the bathroom, and then she felt somewhat freer to talk to her Erin. "He looks sad and exhausted and I don't know how to reach him. Everyone else was able to get a word in, or a touch, but he wouldn't even look at me. I just felt my heart break in that moment and I don't know why it's affecting me the way that it is. He's allowed to grieve in whatever manner he chooses, but I didn't realise that it would hurt quite so much to be shut out from him."

Erin clucked her tongue a little, and Alex just knew that if she was there, Erin would be stroking her hair as she thought of what to say to her next. "I hope that I don't hurt you with these next words, but they need to be said. Do you think that the reason you're so upset by his apparent rejection of you and your need to comfort him is because of Ethan?"

She was right, the question did hurt, since it was as if Erin had poked a live wound with a sharp stick, even as her words were gentle and kind. "I hadn't considered that, no. But what made you ask that?"

"Will you allow me to put my doctorate to good use, even though we're not supposed to profile our colleagues and close friends?"

"Yes," she whispered out as she grabbed the spare pillow and hugged it tightly to her chest as she waited for Erin to speak once more.

"I remember when Ethan was born, and how you had such high hopes for him, since you were only going to have the one child, the one who stayed. And then you had to put those hopes on the backburner, because Ethan had special circ*mstances that didn't allow for him to fill the mold of everything that you dreamt for him. And then, Doctor Reid came into your life, and you found a protégé who reminded you so much of your son, or I should say the picture of what you wanted your son to be. He was hyper intelligent, and when he lectured with you, it probably felt a little like what you might have found if Ethan had followed that same brilliant trajectory. And so, when you watched Doctor Reid lose the love of his life, you wanted to comfort him like a mother would comfort her son. But you couldn't do that that evening, so you joined David and me instead and we comforted you as best we could.

"And so today, when Doctor Reid came there to join the case, and he still wouldn't allow you to comfort him, it felt like a deep rejection of everything that you expected from that encounter. You wanted to play the role of comforting mother, forgetting in that moment that Diana Reid is still alive, so he doesn't need you for that role. Somehow, you've allowed your heart for Ethan to bleed into your heart for Spencer, and you need to do the very hard thing of pulling away from him so that your heart can replace those boundaries that have blurred in the last few weeks. You don't want to hurt yourself worse than you already are, because you need to be strong and with it for the team. If and when Doctor Reid wants to talk to you, he will, and you can be the listening ear that he wants. All right?"

Alex drew in a few shallow breaths as she tried to keep from sobbing once more, knowing that Erin was correct in her assessment of what was occurring between herself and Spencer. "I hate that you're right, but I am so glad that we are in this place so that you can talk to me. I needed this talk tonight, and I think that you're the only one who could give it to me. I don't think that James would understand it, either, since he went off with MSF as soon as he could after Ethan died. I know now that it was his way of coping but…"

"It felt like he was abandoning you?"

"Yeah."

"Oh, Lexie, have you ever discussed that with him?" She made a choked noise in the back of her throat that Erin seemed to know how to interpret, as she let out a soft sound of sadness. "You need to talk about that."

"Why?"

"Because you love him, and despite whatever is happening between us right now, you're still married to him, and are his committed wife. And maybe, just maybe, if you do talk about this stumbling block in your heart, you'll decide that you want to stay with him, even though…"

"Even though I love you?"

There was a small pause before Erin spoke once more, and Alex could heart the tears on Erin's end of the line before her friend answered. "I was going to say even though I love you. And that's the rub, isn't it? We love each other, and we love our current partners. I want something that I think is within reach, but I will hurt someone dear to me. And you're hurting on two levels right now, because of me and because of what happened to Doctor Reid. We're going into this the completely wrong way, and yet, I feel that that would always be the case for us. Because we wanted to be together so badly, but nothing ever seemed to go smoothly for us. If, if you were here, I would hold you while you cried yourself to sleep."

"I hate being that transparent to you."

"I'm just as transparent with you. Even though I love David, you're the one who sees me the best. That's why you've always been able to wound me the deepest."

Again, there was a pause, and Alex thought of something she could say to refute what Erin had just said. But she was right, Alex did know her enough to be able to go right for Erin's jugular. "I may not be the proudest of that, you know."

"I do. I just know that we hurt the ones we love the most. I'm going to be having a talk with David when you're home from this case. I know that it will hurt him deeply, but I also know that this is the right thing to do in this case. I can't keep both options open, even if I don't know that I'll have a future with you. I want that future, very much, but this ball, like all the others in the air between us, has always been in your court. You hold all the power, which is hard for me to admit. Oh, Lexie, I just wish that things were easy for you."

"And not for you?"

She could almost picture the shrug that Erin did when she let out a low chuckle. "I did too many things wrong in my life to deserve easy. I'm just praying that I have a soft landing when and if I fall."

"I hope that for you, too. Would you mind if we talked until I fell asleep this evening?"

"No, I think that I'd like that. I love allowing your voice to lull me to sleep. And I know that we'll talk more when you get home."

"Yes, we will." Alex took a tandem breath with Erin before they started to talk more about why Alex was so upset with her current situation, until she finally felt herself drift off, Erin's voice still in her ear as she finally was pulled into the darkness.

"You do realise that none of us win in this scenario, right?"

Alex looked up at Rossi, and gave him a slow nod before gesturing for him to take a seat across from her. JJ had taken the daughter home, and they were just waiting to wrap a few things up, which allowed this down time. "I do. I know that she was going to talk to you, about where her heart is, and I take it that discussion happened?"

"Yeah. I knew that it was coming, but it still took me by surprise. As far as breakups go, it was one of the easiest I've ever experienced. When are you two going to come out with your relationship?"

"We don't have one, yet. She's encouraging me to talk to James, to try and repair the fractures in our marriage in order to make my life easier. Erin doesn't believe that she deserves a soft landing, and she'd rather pine away in silence than move together. Dave, I honestly never meant to hurt you. I didn't realise that things would so quickly mutate into something akin to whatever this is."

"Because you didn't know who was talking to you at first?" She nodded. "That's classic Erin. She hid her true self away in a persona that doesn't quite match the outward persona she puts on. Just, take care of her. I do love her, even if I fully recognize that we were drifting apart for the last few months."

"I will do my best to hold her heart softly in my hands." Alex drew in a deep breath, about to say more when Reid began to talk with someone on the phone. From the slight shift in the tone of his voice over the course of the conversation, Alex knew that there was something incredibly wrong with the person he was talking to.

"We'll be there right away, Jen." Reid ended the call, meeting their eyes, and Alex nodded as she got to her feet and began to head over towards the door, where Reid was waiting, an anxious air about him. "JJ's in trouble, we need to get back to that house as soon as possible."

They nodded in tandem, all thoughts of personal talk driven to the back of her mind as she followed after the others, slipping into the SUV that Hotch was driving. The drive was silent, as if they were anticipating something truly horrible happening, and Alex felt like she was going to crawl out of her skin as they approached the home. It was so dark inside, as if all the light had been sucked from the place, and Alex shivered as they hurriedly slipped into vests before heading inside. Spencer and Derek were the first to head towards where JJ was, and Alex tried to not think about everything that could possibly go wrong that evening.

Finally, though, everything was under control, JJ was safe, and to her complete and utter shock, the woman was turning to her first as she burst into tears. It was easy enough to guide her away from the prying eyes of the rest of the team, and Alex tried to soothe her gently as they climbed into the back of one of the SUVs. "I'm glad that Spence understood what I meant," she was able to whisper after a few moments, and Alex nodded as she allowed the younger woman to burrow into her. Alex knew that she was almost the same age as Ethan, and that thought was enough to send her own emotions into a downwards spiral. Tears pooled in her eyes as she struggled to keep a tight leash on her reactions, not wanting to cry when it was JJ who needed to release all her negative emotions.

"Are we all ready to head back?"

Alex looked up to see Hotch smiling gently at her, as if he understood that they were both emotional at that moment. "I think that we are, Hotch. Will it be just the three of us?"

"I thought that best, yes." She gave him a small nod as he turned the vehicle on and began to drive back to the BAU. JJ continued to cry the entire drive, and Alex was loathe to let her go, since she was so aware of how much support could help someone when they felt like the entire world was falling down around them.

By the time they were back in Quantico, it was almost midnight, and Alex immediately knew that she would be heading over to Erin's in order to decompress from the events of the day. After gently pulling away from JJ, Alex grabbed her bag from the back of the SUV and got her keys out, jogging over to her car and getting behind the wheel. She didn't really remember the drive over to Erin's house, as she was so occupied on her thoughts of what had happened that evening. If they had been even two minutes later, JJ might not be there any longer, and a part of Alex knew that she would be handling that even worse.

Parking behind the garage, Alex took a few deep breaths before she climbed out of the vehicle and made her way up to the front door. She didn't even need to knock before Erin was opening the door, giving her a gentle smile. It was the same smile that she wore every time Alex had been upset in the Academy, and it almost caused her to break down in that moment. Alex's lower lip trembled as she dropped her bag onto the floor of the foyer, and Erin nodded without saying a word as she took hold of Alex's hand and led her upstairs. "The guest room or my room?"

"Wherever you'll wake up next to me?"

"Of course," Erin replied kindly, turning them towards her bedroom and shutting the door quietly behind them before guiding her towards the bed. With brisk fingers, Erin unbuttoned her blouse before slipping it and her jacket off her shoulders, letting the garments fall to the floor before she crouched down and slipped off Alex's shoes and then unfastening the closures on her jeans and tugging them down her legs. There was nothing sexual about the disrobing, and Alex found that she wasn't embarrassed to stand by the bed in only her underwear, watching as Erin went over to the dresser and pulled out two nightgowns before coming back to her side. "Here, put this on," she said lowly as she set Alex's nightgown onto the bed before changing into her own nightgown and then slipping beneath the covers.

Alex hurriedly unfastened her bra, allowing it to join the pile of their clothes on the floor before tugging the nightgown over her head and joining Erin, holding her body as straight as possible as she tried to control her emotions. It was a losing battle, because as soon as Erin reached out to stroke her hair, she let out the tears she'd been holding back, the sobs tearing harshly from her throat as she allowed Erin to tug her closer to her side and Alex melted against her as she listened to the woman hum quietly before she kissed her forehead. "Do you want to talk about it tonight? It is midnight, after all."

"No," she choked out before burying her face in the space between Erin's head and shoulder, turning into the pillow to muffle the sound of her cries.

"All right, just go to sleep, then, and we'll pick this up in the morning." Alex nodded before fairly clutching at Erin's waist as she fought to allow sleep to claim her. Somehow, she managed to drift off to slumberland, because the next thing she knew, the delicious scent of coffee was wafting up her nose. Opening her eyes, she found Erin just taking a seat on the bed once more, two mugs in her hands. Hurriedly, Alex also sat up, resting against the headboard as she held out her hand expectantly. "We'll eat after we talk?"

"Okay."

Erin gave her an encouraging smile as she sipped at the coffee, and Alex followed suit, waiting for the woman to ask her first question. "I take it that something bad happened last night?"

"Yes. Normally cases close to home aren't that bad, we can always come home and regroup, but this case was on another level. The unsub killed her mother, killed her sister, and tried to pin it on her father, since he did have a legitimate mental illness. We never caught on to the fact that she was off balance until JJ brought her home, because we thought it was all over. She had a gun trained on JJ, and one wrong move would have resulted in her death."

"You're close to Jennifer, aren't you?"

Alex nodded as she took another sip of her coffee. "Though she's a little older than Spencer, she's still of an age to be my child. And, well, she's kept our secret for all these months, never breathing a word to anyone else on the team that we were talking, and I know that she didn't have to protect us like that, because we are both adults, and there's nothing inherently wrong about calling each other at midnight. Or showing up on your doorstep so late in the night, and have you allow me inside. Because you're my friend."

Alex's voice broke on the last word, and Erin nodded as she reached out with her free hand, setting it on Alex's knee as they continued to drink. "But we're not just friends at this point, are we?"

"I honestly don't know how I would classify our relationship at this point, Erin. I love you, and I've told you as much. You've told me the same thing. We've slept together twice, and…"

"Yes?"

"You're the only other person that I feel comfortable enough with falling asleep together, either on the phone or in the same bed."

"If it tires you out too much, we can move the calls up a few hours for you, when you're on the West Coast."

"And break our tradition? No, I'm used to the times by now, and I look forward to midnight. I look forward to you. And that's probably what scares me the most, the fact that you have so quickly wriggled your way through my defenses to take gentle residence in my heart. You're home, and it feels right. But it shouldn't feel right because James is also home, and it's not fair to him that I have two homes like this. But I don't want to give up either, either. Which hush, I know that's a weird coupling of words, but it's the most precise that I can give you at this time of morning, even with the coffee."

Erin giggled, trying to hide the sound with her mug, but Alex still rolled her eyes a little as she finished the coffee and set the mug aside. "I put one of my homes up for sale. It turns out that it didn't fit me any longer, but the one I'm currently renting might give me notice sooner than I'd like."

Alex nodded as she felt her eyes well up. Everything that had happened with JJ and Dave and Erin was just a little too much, and she wanted so badly to break down in Erin's arms and allow her to shield Alex from the outside world for just a brief span of time. "I think that I might be ready to offer a longer lease, actually?"

"That's good to hear. Would you like to head downstairs now and make breakfast?" Alex nodded, a few tears shaking loose from her eyes to streak down her face, and Erin leaned in to swipe them away before getting to her feet and holding her hand out to Alex. It didn't take her long to clasp it and allow Erin to pull her to her feet. Alex looked longingly at the closet, wanting to be in something other than pyjamas as they started the day. "Do you want to change before we eat?"

Alex nodded as she crouched down and picked up her bra. "I just don't feel ready for the day if I'm in pyjamas for breakfast." Erin gave her a small smile as she padded over to the closet and pulled out an oversized sweater and a flared skirt before handing them to Alex. Heedless of her nudity beneath the nightgown, Alex pulled it over her head, seeing that Erin was blushing a little as she looked away. Hurriedly, she fastened her bra and pulled on the sweater before looking at Erin once more. "Thank you for this, by the way."

"You're welcome. Though I should feel a little put out."

"Why?"

"You're always falling asleep on me, when we end up together, in person. I, I want to have friend dates where we talk at length, without us ending up asleep. Does that make me selfish?"

Alex reached out and stroked Erin's face as she shook her head. "No, because you deserve that courtesy. We'll have to set up a time for just us, when I'm home next. Because our conversations over the phone have pulled us so close together, and yet I still feel like there are parts of you that I don't know. We've changed so much in the years that we spent apart, and," she said as she yawned. "Dammit, I don't mean to just yawn like this."

"It's all right, darling. The caffeine just hasn't kicked in yet." Alex nodded as Erin leaned in and kissed her lips with a tender touch. "Your Louise will always look forward to the tomorrows you can give her." She gave Erin a small smile before giving her another tender kiss, and they sighed in tandem before Alex finished changing and then holding her hand out to Erin.

"Let's go make breakfast now, we can focus on tomorrows when they come," she said quietly and Erin nodded as she took hold of Alex's hand and led her from the bedroom, everything seeming to slip into place inside Alex in that moment, though she knew that it wasn't the outcome she had been expecting.

"How are you holding up on this case, Alex?"

She turned onto her side and stared at JJ, trying to find the right words to say to the younger woman. After the intimate moment they had shared on the previous case, Alex knew that they had formed a stronger bond, one that allowed JJ to feel like she was safe asking probing questions like that. Taking a deep breath, she shook her head. "I think that I will be the one to call Erin tonight. And I don't think that my words will be nice or kind for what we've been seeing here."

"It cuts closer to the bone when the victims are like you. I've noticed that a number of times in the past. Hotch says that you eventually build up a thicker skin and it stops affecting you, but the victims we so often see aren't men. They're usually young, attractive, women. Which sounds so conceited of me to say, to place myself in the attractive category, but I think I am."

Alex smiled a little and nodded. "You are lovely, yes. And it makes sense that you view some of the victims as similar to you. When Erin and I started out in the BSU, it was much the same. We saw ourselves in the victims, which allowed us to see things in a different way from our colleagues. But it also ached to see how people like Max Ryan could shut us down only to be unfailingly kind to victims that we found alive."

JJ gave her a wry smile. "Elle complained about his sexism so much after that case he consulted with us on. Thankfully, I was spared from having to interact with him. Was it really that bad?"

She nodded before turning onto her back and staring up at the ceiling. "Yes, especially considering that Erin and I had two strikes against us. We were women, and we weren't entirely straight. Even still, there's that stigma surrounding women like us in the FBI. I know that that was one of the issues that John Curtis had against us, at least."

"Who?"

She let out a long sigh as she allowed her mind to drift back to the Amerithrax case. "He was our partner during the case that drove us apart. Though we were years away from the first blushes of our love, we were still closer than we should have been during that case. There was a night when we were both staying far too late, and Alan called Erin, trying to get her to come home because Karen was sick, but she told him she couldn't, that we were too deep into whatever we were working on to just stop…"

She paused, not really certain that she wanted to reveal secrets about their lives to JJ, no matter how close they were growing. "You comforted her when she hung up with him, didn't you?" Alex nodded. "And this Curtis guy walked in on it, misconstruing your hug for something more salacious."

"Basically, yes." She was glad that she didn't have to tell JJ that he had caught them doing a little more than kissing, and that he had been quite the lecher about their kiss. "Erin was terrified that he would say something to Alan, but things went south in the case far faster than any of us anticipated, and Erin managed to get the upper hand. I was just the collateral damage, and god if that didn't hurt like a bitch."

"But now you're in a better place. And things are getting a little better for people like us."

"A little." Alex sighed deeply. "I'm too keyed up still. Thank god we're in Texas, so it's slightly warm outside." JJ nodded understandingly, and Alex smiled as she sat up and grabbed her pillow and blanket, carrying them outside and shutting the balcony door. As she sank into the chair in the corner of the balcony, Alex tried to think about what she would say to Erin, as she knew that she was calling a few hours early, which would worry Erin.

Another deep breath slipped through her lips as she made herself comfortable in the chair, wrapping the blanket around her before plucking her phone from her pocket and calling Erin. "I thought that we were going to keep our tradition, darling?" she answered, trying to sound light, though Alex could hear the tension in her voice that underscored her words.

"Well, that was before this f*cking father decided to warp and destroy his son for who he loved," she bit out, angry tears finally starting to drip from her eyes. "Dammit, Erin, he forced the unsub to have sex with a woman to make him straight, he sent him to a conversion camp to crush his soul, and there's nothing we can do about it yet, because we can't get the right warrants yet. Garcia is working on it, but dammit."

"Oh, darling. I wish that you were here, or I was there, so that I could comfort you better."

Alex let out a little scoff as she hugged her pillow tightly to her chest with her free arm. "That just makes this worse."

"How so?"

Erin sounded hurt, and Alex frowned, knowing that she needed to make things right. Pulling the phone away from her ear, she pressed the facetime function and waited for Erin's face to appear on the screen. She looked exhausted and sad, and Alex felt a sharp stab of regret at that look, knowing that she had helped put it there. "Because James told me last night, when he called to check in on me, that he understands how much my feelings for you have changed, and he's willing to take a backseat so that I can explore these feelings between us. We haven't, I haven't, Erin…"

"And here we come to the crux of these feelings between us. You love us both, and you don't want to hurt either of us. In doing so, you're tearing yourself apart. Darling, perhaps it's time to choose."

"How am I to choose, when I don't know if we'll work together? He said he would look the other way if we slept together. Which would be fine for you, you're free. I'm still partially his, and it would feel like I wasn't being faithful. I'd feel like I felt when John caught us kissing."

She watched Erin's eyes widen a little before her face fell. "I tried to forget about that, honestly. It was such an integral part in my decision to betray you."

"What?"

Erin licked her lips as she nodded slowly. "Maybe this will make your decision easier, Lexie, I don't know. But when John walked in on us, when he saw you half-naked, my mouth on your breasts, your hands beneath the waistband of my skirt, I was terrified."

"I know you were, things were so touchy with Alan, and if he had found out about that momentary lapse of judgement, he would have divorced you, and taken custody of the kids."

"Yes, and I knew that John would dangle that knowledge over my head to get whatever he wanted from me, since I was on the shortlist to be the next SAC, a position he didn't feel I was worthy of. So when the linguistic profile fingered the wrong person, it was no hard decision to allow John to take the fall for that. Only, only, you were caught up in the cogs, too, and I did cut your rope. I saved myself because I was so afraid of losing my marriage and being found queer. That would have killed my career, and I would have been left with nothing."

"You would have had me."

"Would I? You were so deeply in love with James, we were just friends. I didn't stand a chance next to him, and there are days now when I doubt my mind that you are having trouble choosing between us. Because I'm so vicious and unlovable, and he's a human teddy bear."

Erin started to cry, and Alex wished that she could be there in her bedroom, holding her close as their tears mingled. "You were trying to protect what you knew after staring into the unknown. Yes, you cut my rope, but maybe you hung yourself with what remained?"

"Maybe."

Alex took a deep breath as she shivered. "At the end of this case, I'm coming home to you. We need to talk face to face."

"All right, darling. Do you think you'll be in Texas much longer?"

"God, I hope not. I don't want to see any more of these broken boys." She drew in a deep breath. "Erin?"

"Yes?"

"I love you."

"I love you, too. Now go and get some sleep. If those warrants come through, you'll need all your wits about you to take care of that camp tomorrow. Know that I'll be with you in spirit, Lexie."

Those words were a soft balm to her heart, and she nodded before pressing her fingers to her lips and then to the screen. Erin copied her movement, and they gave each other a shaky smile. "Hopefully, I'll see you tomorrow, if not the day after."

"But not at midnight, please. In fact, if you're home early enough, we'll try and have a normal afternoon and head out for dinner, maybe head to an art gallery?"

"We've been meaning to do that, haven't we? All right, yes. We'll plan on that, even if I'm not home until five, we'll have dinner, and do something together before having our talk." That seemed to help pull Erin from her sadness a bit, and she gave Alex a sure smile before ending the call. Alex took a moment to catch her breath before disentangling herself from the blanket and bringing everything back inside.

JJ was stretched out on her bed, tapping away on her phone, and Alex gently kicked the mattress as she rearranged her bed. "Did you have a good talk with Erin?"

"I did, and we're going to have a date tomorrow, or the day after. It all depends on when we close this case and get home. And I really want to put those bastards that run the conversion camp behind bars for the rest of their lives."

"They deserve to be there. Destroying people just for who they love? It's unconscionable. They would have broken us, made us fit their perfect little mold, and something in our souls would have died every day that we tried to be what we were "supposed" to be." JJ turned on her side, setting the phone on the nightstand as she looked at Alex. "And you deserve to be happy. Erin deserves to be happy. I've gotten to know her much better, thanks to you, and I don't think that things would be quite as harmonious if you hadn't allowed this barrier between the two of you to collapse."

Alex nodded as she stretched out on her bed, letting out a soft sigh. "I adore her, and I'm going to have to tell James that things between us have changed, have shifted, so radically. I never thought that I'd be at this juncture in my life."

"It's terrifying, isn't it? To have to consider that people have changed and grown apart and that the next move you make will be into the unknown. Well, somewhat unknown, since you've been with Erin before. May I ask a personal question?"

"You know my answer."

JJ giggled and nodded as she sat up and hugged a pillow tight to her chest. "So, Erin is rather uptight. Was she like that when you were first together?"

"She's always been driven, yes."

JJ swallowed a little smirk, and Alex wondered what was going through her mind. That is, until the younger woman opened her mouth once more. "And does that mean she would come apart spectacularly?"

Alex felt her face flush fully as she swallowed a few times, trying to think of an appropriate answer to give JJ. "There are things that you might be able to infer about people who are tightly wound and how they come undone, but I find that I don't want to reveal that answer about her. I hope that you understand."

"I do. I was just trying to push you a little, see how far you'd let me in. I think that I can make certain assumptions about her, and you two together, based on how I saw her at my wedding. God, Alex, I can't believe how much has changed in less than a year."

She nodded as she turned onto her back and stared up at the ceiling. "And while everything is more complicated, I don't think that I would have it any other way. Because I…"

"You love her," JJ finished when the silence grew too long.

"Yes." Alex let out a happy sigh. "Now I just need to figure out when to tell James. I don't want to do it over Skype, but I also don't know when he'll be home next."

"It will happen when the time is right, and you know that. Try not to overthink things, because I know that Erin will probably do that for you in spades. And if you feel like you'd rather write him a letter, do that. Send it to him, and on the envelope, write that you want him to Skype you before he reads it. That way, it might not be so terrifying?"

"Maybe. I'll sleep on that, and see how I feel in the morning. Thanks for talking to me, Jen."

"Anytime, Alex." She could hear the smile in the younger woman's voice, and that made her smile as she turned away from her and curled her legs up to her chest as she drifted off to sleep, feeling a bit more settled than she had earlier.

"You are not coming along, Erin, and that's final!"

Alex watched the fight between Rossi and Erin spark off, and she smiled a little, knowing that there would soon be fireworks going off. "This is a Replicator case, and as your boss, I feel that it is essential that I go and represent your team as a levelheaded liaison."

"You're not acting very levelheaded right now," Rossi shot back, glaring at her.

Erin gave him a cutting look in return, then glanced at Alex, her eyes begging for backup. Alex shook her head a little before lifting her mug to her lips and taking a large sip. "Lexie! Back me up here!"

Rolling her eyes affectionately, she stood from her desk and approached the pair. Rossi's nostrils were flared, and he was breathing heavily, but Erin looked downright furious, which made her absolutely lovely. A quick look at Rossi told her that he recognized her feelings, and he winked at her quickly before returning his eyes to Erin. "I think that Rossi has a point. We don't know for certain that this is a Replicator case, and it's better for you to stay here and keep the ear of the Director bent towards us. If ever we needed a political player, it's now. And if things head south, you're literally thirty minutes away. I'll make certain that I call you when I feel we need you."

Erin's look changed from fury to anguish, and she gave a stiff nod before turning and stalking from the bullpen. When she reached the doors, Alex noticed one of her hands quickly reach up and swipe at her cheek before she barreled out into the hall. "f*ck," they whispered in unison, and she looked at Rossi as she nodded slowly.

"I think that she feels like we ganged up on her. Since we're not together any longer, you go and smooth her ruffled feathers, and I'll hold Hotch from heading out. Since it's less than a three hour drive, and all."

"Thank you," she breathed out before turning on her heel and starting for the doors. "And will you bring my go bag with you? I don't want to waste time coming back in here when I can just run down the stairs and meet you in the parking garage."

He nodded, and she gave him a grateful smile before she took a deep breath and went out to the hall, looking around to see if Erin had paused before heading to her office. Not seeing her there, she quickly hurried over to her office. Helen was tapping away at her keyboard, but she paused to look up at her. "She'll not be happy if you go in there right now, Doctor Blake. She doesn't like people seeing her cry."

"I'll brave her wrath, since I was the one who caused those tears." She gave the woman a sheepish smile before slipping through Erin's inner door. She wasn't behind her desk, so Alex looked over towards her couch, seeing her curled up in the corner, quietly sobbing into her hands. "Erin, I don't have much time, but I had to come and try to make things right before we head out."

Erin lifted her head and gave Alex a blank look, tears still rolling down her face. "I needed you, at least, to back me up. I'm terrified by this whole Replicator business, and when I can't be there to watch over you, I worry even more. I'm not David's, but my heart still aches to think that perhaps one of you will be injured out there by that madman!"

"Oh," Alex breathed out as she sank down next to Erin. "I'm sorry. I know that you want to come along, to protect us, but I think that, in this case, I'm right. Even if you don't want to hear that. You're amazing at walking that political tightrope, something I never learned how to do, and you can help smooth the way when we accidentally step on toes. The Director trusts your judgments, you know."

Erin sighed as she nodded. "I know. And I hate that you're right. Please, darling, stay safe out there. Don't make my worst nightmares come true." She locked eyes with Erin as she nodded, and then they were leaning forward until their foreheads rested together. "I love you, Lexie, and I don't think that I'm strong enough to lose you from my life once more."

Before she could say another word, Erin was pressing their lips together in a tender kiss. Alex smiled and deepened the kiss as she closed her arms around Erin's waist and pressed her back into the sofa. She knew that they were playing with fire, making out in her office, but Alex didn't want to leave this moment. She felt Erin mewl into her mouth the moment her hand cupped her breast, and Alex swallowed the sound as she withdrew her hand, knowing that things were too close to out of control. "I promise you that when I'm home, we'll pick this up where we left off. Okay?"

Erin nodded as she breathed heavily, her hand tugging on the neckline of her blouse as they sat up. "All right." She reached out and ran her fingers through Alex's hair before tugging on a strand. "If there was time, I'd braid this for you. But that might raise more questions than we're prepared to answer. If you spend the weekend, though, may I?"

"Yes," she answered quickly before pecking at Erin's lips. "I will see you when we return."

Erin nodded as Alex rose to her feet. She felt as if each one was caked in cement, as she didn't want to leave Erin, not really. Still, she knew that there would most definitely be a midnight call at some point on the case. Taking a deep breath, she jogged over to the stairwell and down the steps until she had reached the level for the parking garage. She quickly made her way over to the SUV where Rossi and Hotch were waiting for her, giving the men a brief smile before clambering into the back of the vehicle.

"That didn't take too long."

"She was more open to listening to reason than I anticipated. Though I had to promise that neither Rossi or I would get hurt in the course of this case. So, I guess this is where I tell you, Hotch, that you're tasked with making certain that we don't get caught up in anything that will hurt us."

"Erin does know that that is a tall order, yes? I can't control what our unsub may or may not do during the course of the case." He met Alex's eyes in the rearview mirror, and she shrugged a little as she pulled out her phone, seeing that Erin had sent her a text wishing her well. "Though I'm not worried about you staying safe. You manage to keep your wits about you. Dave likes to run into situations halfco*cked."

"And since you're his best friend, you can focus on him. I will do everything in my power to stay safe." Hotch gave her a short smile before pulling out into traffic. The drive to Pittsburgh didn't take as long as Alex had thought it would, and she let out a little sigh when they pulled into the precinct parking lot, taking the spot next to the others.

"You made good time, Hotch," Derek said as he ambled over to them. "The police would like two of us to go to the morgue and interview the ME. I was thinking that Blake and Rossi might like to do that?"

She nodded hurriedly, giving Rossi a look. He nodded in return, and she held out her hands for the keys to the SUV. Hotch handed them over, the look he gave her filled with relief. She knew that he was thinking that this decision would most likely keep them out of trouble. "Is anyone heading to the hotel to reserve rooms for us?" she asked, and Derek nodded. "Good, make certain our bags get there, would you?"

Derek went to the back of the vehicle and grabbed their bags before closing the back of the SUV and piling their things in with the others. Pulling out her phone, she slipped behind the wheel of vehicle, dialing Garcia as Dave climbed into the passenger seat. After getting directions to the morgue, she made small talk with the woman, needing to get her mind off what the potential implications of getting this close to the Replicator meant.

By the time they were done with their interview, Alex felt a coldness seep into her bones as she began to put things together more coherently. It was clear that the Replicator knew them very well, and even more, that he was familiar with her, in particular. She hoped that Rossi couldn't tell how her mind was spinning, since she knew that she had to be focused for this entire case.

"Did you want to grab something for lunch before we swing back to the precinct?" David asked, giving her a look that told her he knew she was holding something back.

"I think I'd like that." He nodded, and she drove until she found some place that sounded good to her, hoping that he wouldn't mind the fact that she hadn't asked. They were quickly seated, and she decided on the first thing that sounded good to her. "You want to know what's going on in my mind, don't you?" she asked as soon as the server had dropped off their drinks.

"I do, but I'm willing to wait for you to make up your mind. I know that you'll tell us when you're ready. Let's just enjoy our meal and focus on this case. When we get back, after you've unwound with Erin, then we can talk." Alex gave him a grateful nod, and allowed herself to relax a little as he directed the conversation to lighter things while they ate. When they arrived back at the precinct, she felt a lot better about things, even though she knew that she would be unloading on Erin as soon as midnight rolled around.

"Did you learn anything of importance?" Hotch asked as they walked into the meeting room, and David nodded, clapping the man on the back as he led him over to a corner of the room to talk about their conclusions. Alex smiled at JJ and made her way over to her side and began to talk about what the younger woman had learned over the course of her day. And by the time they were all dead on their feet, it felt like they had gotten nowhere fast. "All right, let's head to the hotel. We're doing no good here, and if we don't get some rest, we're liable to make mistakes tomorrow. And I know one person who will have my head on a spike if I let any of you get hurt."

"Any of us?" JJ teased, and Alex shot her a look as she rose to her feet and stretched to get the kinks out of her back. "And can we expect Chinese food for supper?"

"I'll take Rossi and Morgan with me to get it, if you want to head back to the hotel," Hotch said as they all began to leave the precinct. JJ nodded, leading Reid and Alex over to one of the SUVs. Thankfully, the hotel was close by, and Alex accepted her key from Reid's hand as they rode up on the elevator.

"So, I think I'm going to spend some time with Spence, talking this case over. There's something about it that really unsettles me."

Alex looked at JJ as she unlocked their room, giving her a small nod. "I'm quite unsettled myself. I just wish I had a reason to be?"

JJ shot her a relieved look as she jerked her head up and down roughly. "That's the thing, there's no reason to feel like this. I haven't felt this jumpy since the bank heist, and look at how that turned out. Something bad is coming, and I just wish that I knew what it was, and where it was coming from."

"I know exactly how you feel. Go, decompress with Reid, I'll be making my own call." JJ smiled at that and Alex rolled her eyes a little as she slipped into the room and trudged over to her bed, collapsing onto it as she pulled out her phone and quickly called Erin.

"This is early. Is everything okay?"

"Yes and no? Nothing's really happened yet, but I feel like something big is going to before we head home. I guess I just wanted to hear your voice, especially after how we left things this morning. If I hadn't had to leave for the case, it would have been so much harder to tear myself away from you. It felt so right to have my hands on your breasts once more. You even sound the same when you're aroused."

"And your lips taste the same against mine," Erin said shyly. "I wanted to feel them where your hands were. I wanted to throw caution to the wind and let things go until we couldn't stop. I just wanted to feel better, and you were making that happen."

Alex shifted on the bed, feeling desire start to pool in her body once more, and she let out a long breath. "You can still undo me with your words, darling. Oh, god, to be with you and touching you right now. And we can't take things further on the phone right now, because Hotch and Dave are bringing back food for us, and you know that Dave would sniff it out in a moment."

"I'll not take care of my needs, then, until you get home. We can come apart together? If that's what you want?"

"We'll see. I love you."

"I love you, too, Lexie. I hope that things even out for you and the team tomorrow. Call me again, if you need to."

They kissed into the phone, and then she was curling up into a ball, feeling for all the world as if things were quickly coming to a head, and that she was making the choice to move forward with Erin, damn the consequences. That scared her, but the Replicator case scared her more, and she hoped that the fear of both would subside soon.

The case had quickly gone from bad to worse, and as Alex crept down the stairs to the basem*nt of the unsub's home, she couldn't shake the cold feeling of impending dread. JJ threw a desperate look back at her, and she nodded, knowing that the woman felt the same way she did. And then she heard the reactions start from Morgan and Hotch.

"Seriously, Hotch, this is f*cked up."

Those words lent wings to her feet, and she barreled down the rest of the steps, counting on the others to have cleared the room. Once Alex was able to take in the photographs hanging around the room, she felt the blood drain from her face, and she pressed a hand against her mouth as the heavy weight of just how much they had been monitored crashed down around her shoulders. JJ turned to her, tears sparkling in her eyes, and Alex nodded as she stepped closer to the woman, needing to offer her some form of comfort in that moment.

The move forward brought different pictures to the forefront of her eyes, and she gasped when she saw that these people had managed to capture pictures of her on Erin's doorstep, of Erin caressing her face. There could be no denying their relationship, such as it was, now, and she knew that Erin would bear the brunt of the scrutiny, if those pictures came to light. Even though they hadn't done anything more than some kissing and heavy petting at that point, the pictures painted a lurid image of what was between them.

Alex couldn't stop the tears that rolled down her cheeks as she stepped towards the series of images of them, her hands itching to tear them down and hold them close to her chest, not allowing anyone else to view them, to draw false conclusions from them. A gentle hand on her upper back caused Alex to jump, and she whipped her head around to look up into Hotch's eyes, seeing the look of concern there. "We're not sleeping together, not yet, but these pictures make it look like we're lovers. Who hates us so much that they're seeking to destroy us?"

"I wish I knew, but these pictures make it clear that the Replicator has more reach than we all thought possible." He gave her a sad smile, patting her back before he turned to look at the rest of the team gathered there. "All right, everyone, gather up these photos, we'll bring them back to Quantico for further studying. There's not much more we can get done here. I'll call the pilot, so that he can get the jet ready for us."

He then turned his gaze back to Alex before discreetly leaning his head towards the pictures of her and Erin. She discreetly nodded in response before starting to take down the photos closest to her, making certain that the worst were on the bottom, so that she could secret them away once she was alone. It didn't take long, between the six of them, to get all the picture off the walls, and then they were trooping back upstairs.

"All right, we'll head back to the hotel and pack up, and once we're in the air, we'll go over these pictures and how they impact the Replicator case."

"Are we going to head back to the bullpen, or go home?" Morgan asked, and Alex hoped beyond hope that their leader would say that they could go home, since she desperately wanted to be with Erin, to have the woman hold her close and tell her that it would all be all right.

"I think that we need to go home and sleep on what we've seen here. I am deeply unsettled by these pictures, and it makes me wonder just how many people he has working for him. And the fact that he has pictures of my son and Beth, it just makes everything worse."

"Anyone who targets our families deserves to be taken down as quickly as possible. I just hope that this is enough evidence for the Director to put this case on the front burner," Morgan said, an angry scowl on his face.

"We can only hope." Hotch once more patted Alex's back before he started up the stairs, Rossi close at his heels. Morgan and Reid gave each other a look before they went up, which left her and JJ alone in the basem*nt.

"He took pictures of me at Henry's practices. And I saw that he took pictures of you and Erin. We have to find him. We have to take him down. I won't let him hurt Henry, not after what happened last year."

Alex could see that the younger woman was close to her breaking point, and she took a deep breath before holding out an arm to her. JJ nodded and stepped into the protective arc of her arm, resting her forehead on her shoulder and taking a few shuddery breaths. The tender moment only lasted a few seconds, and then JJ was pulling away to look into Alex's eyes. "I don't like the fact that he came to Erin's home. I don't like the fact that he knows where she lives, and when I would visit, since it's only happened two or three times. This feels so personal, Jen."

"I know. Are, are you headed home, once we land?"

She drew in a long breath. "It depends on what you mean by home. I won't be alone, if that's what you're really asking."

"Good. You need to be with her when you show her those pictures. And if she has a fireplace, burn them. She doesn't need the added stress of those being added into evidence, not when we have so many others that can help build the case against this monster."

"Thank you," she murmured as they started up the stairs, and Alex rubbed her lips together as she thought about the evening ahead of her. A quick glance at her watch told her that they would likely be home around midnight, but she knew that she couldn't surprise Erin just by showing up on her doorstep. As soon as she was in the SUV with Hotch and JJ, she pulled out her phone and sent a quick text to Erin. We're coming home tonight. I have something to show you, and then we're going to fall into bed. I need you to hold me. I love you.

Once that was sent, she curled up against the window and watched the scenery pass by, trying to figure out who could possibly have such a huge vendetta against them. There was only one person who she could think of that would have that level of vitriol, and she also knew that he would have shown his face long before this, if he was truly intent on seeing them destroyed. Shaking the thoughts from her brain, she let out another long breath as Hotch pulled into the parking lot of their hotel.

"We'll meet back here in fifteen."

JJ and Alex nodded in unison before following him into the hotel and up to their rooms. It was easy for Alex to pack up, since she hadn't really unpacked, but she used the extra time to hurriedly brush her hair out from the ponytail and let it hang loose around her shoulders. She saw the odd look JJ gave her and smiled a bit before answering the unspoken question. "She likes my hair, and has promised to braid it the next time we're together."

"That is so f*cking sweet," JJ whispered as she finished packing with Alex's help. "Will likes giving me massages."

"Those can be nice, too." JJ gave her a brief smile as she nodded, and then they were heading back down to the lobby, turning in their keys to the clerk before heading outside and stowing their bags while they waited for the others.

From the moment they were underway once more, until the moment they were touching down in Quantico, Alex found that she was just going through the motions of attention, and that Hotch knew her attention was divided. He didn't call her out on it, but from the look he gave her, Alex knew that she would have a little explaining to do come Monday. "Do you need a ride home?" he asked once they were off the jet, and she nodded. "Home or home?"

"Her home," she whispered, and he nodded, no judgement on his face. That soothed her troubled soul, and she tossed her bag into his back seat before getting into the passenger side of his car. The ride was quiet, but a part of her felt like she was being supported by his quiet strength, and she was grateful for that. "Thanks for the ride, Hotch. And I promise, we'll talk Monday, if I have more concrete feelings."

"I'll hold you to that, Alex. Find your peace tonight."

"That's the plan." She smiled wanly at him before grabbing her bag and heading up to the front door. It opened in moments, and then Erin was giving Aaron a small wave before she pulled Alex into the house and slamming the door behind her, pushing her back against the wood and kissing her fiercely. "Erin."

"You're home," she whispered, and Alex nodded. "What do you have to show me?"

"In the living room?"

Erin nodded and took hold of her hand, pulling her along until they were seated on the sofa. Alex dropped her bag to the floor and unzipped it, pulling out the slim stack of 8x10s and handing them over. "Jesus, Alex."

"I know. Hotch gave me permission to destroy these, since there were more than enough of everyone to hopefully convince the Director that this is a larger problem than he seems to think it is."

Erin nodded as she looked through the pictures once more. "These sicken me, but I sort of want to keep this one? We look so beautiful here, and I have so few pictures of us, thanks to Alan. Can I do that without making you angry with me?"

She held out the picture of them on the front porch, the one that had first caught Alex's eye, and Alex knew she couldn't deny her, as it was a beautifully composed shot of them. "If I didn't know the sinister reason it was taken, I'd think it a gorgeous representation of us. Keep it, but hold it close to your heart until after we catch this bastard?"

Erin nodded solemnly, setting the pictures on the coffee table before turning her body to face Alex. "I can do that for you. And in the morning, we can burn the rest of these. Do you want to head up to bed now?"

"Yes," she whispered before leaning in and capturing Erin's lips in a lush kiss. Vaguely, she felt Erin's fingers scrabble against her chest, unbuttoning her blouse with a frantic need as she deepened the kiss and pushed Alex back against the arm of the sofa. "This isn't bed, darling, and neither of us will be happy in the morning if we make love here."

"Okay," Erin panted out as she stood and held out her hand. Alex clasped it without hesitation, and allowed herself to be guided up to the bedroom. They heavily sat on the bed, and began to kiss once more as she unbuttoned Erin's blouse, slipping it from her shoulders as the other woman unfastened her bra and pulled it from her shoulders. Breaking the kiss, Alex began to press her lips down the soft column of Erin's neck, nipping at her pulse point before continuing down to her chest.

Erin bent backwards, offering up her breasts for Alex to feast on, and she took the hint, drawing the closest nipple between her lips and suckling softly. The low groan that fell from Erin's lips encouraged her onwards, and Alex took the hint, her hand cupping Erin's other breast and tugging on that nipple as Erin finished disrobing them. Once they were naked, it was so easy to push Erin backwards, to let her stretch out on the mattress as Alex straddled her.

"Lexie," she whined as Alex dragged her hand downwards to part Erin's thighs, fitting one leg between them as she continued to kiss and suck on her breasts. Erin ground down against her thigh, trying to achieve her org*sm, and Alex held her close as she finally crested, crying her name before she bit down on Alex's shoulder to keep the sounds to herself. As Alex relaxed her ministrations, Erin used the opening to flip her onto her back, and she looked up at her lover in surprise. "Now I get to love on you," she panted before kissing her lushly once more.

Alex nodded as Erin began to kiss her way down her body, bypassing her breasts, even after she encouraged Erin to lavish attention on them. It soon became clear what her intent was, as her hands tenderly parted Alex's legs before fitting herself between them and starting to eat her out. The sensation of her mouth and tongue on her vulva was so overwhelming, as it was familiar and new at the same time, and she let out a keening moan as Erin nudged her cl*tor*s with her nose as she drove Alex to higher and higher planes of pleasure. All too soon, she was reaching her org*sm, and she clenched her thighs around Erin's head as she let herself go.

"I love you," she panted out as Erin slid up her body until she was cuddled up close to Alex, resting her head on her chest. "I'm terrified about this whole Replicator case, I don't know what I'm going to tell James about this, but I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I love you."

"I love you, too, Lexie. And no matter what happens next, we'll always have this beautiful moment to hold on to." She felt Erin's lips press against the swell of her breast, and she smiled as she allowed her hand to start to run through Erin's hair, relaxing herself to sleep.

Alex woke up to feel of lips and tongue on her breast. Groaning in pleasure, she heavily opened her eyes to look down at Erin, seeing the soft smile on her brow as she continued to lave attention on her breast. The feel of her tongue fluttering against the tip of her sensitive nipple, coupled with the light score of her teeth and the gentle suck of lips on her areola, soon had her shifting her hips against the mattress, and Alex felt Erin giggle against her skin, sending even more waves of pleasure straight to her vulva. Unconsciously, she parted her legs so that Erin could better fit herself between them, and was rewarded with the delicious sensation of Erin's hand on her sex.

It didn't take long for Alex to org*sm that morning, and then she was cradling Erin tightly to her chest as she came down from that high. "Good morning, darling," Erin whispered before scooting up enough to be able to capture her lips in a soft, lingering, kiss.

"Good morning, Erin. Did you sleep well?"

"Better than I have in a while, yes. It was lovely to have you in my bed." Erin gave her another kiss before resting her forehead against Alex's. "We have to talk more about the Replicator case this morning, but I'd like to do that after we shower and eat?"

"I think that would be for the best." Erin sighed lightly as she pulled away from Alex, a sad smile on her lips. "Though we could shower together? It would save time."

"I've missed that about you," Erin whispered as she headed over to the door. "Join me?"

"Yes," she replied as she scrambled from the bed and jogged over to Erin's side. Taking hold of her hand, she allowed the woman to lead her to the bathroom. Erin turned the water on to warm up before coming to stand in front of Alex, staring at her intently. "What is it?"

"I'm just memorizing your face as it is now, darling. I've tried to surreptitiously do this for so long, but now that we're here, in this moment, I feel like I freely can. You're so beautiful, Alex." Erin raised a hand to cup Alex's cheek, her thumb brushing against her cheekbone before she kissed her once more. "Now, let's get clean." She took hold of Alex's hand again and brought her into the shower. The water was the perfect temperature, and Alex relished the feel of it on her skin as Erin washed first her body and then Alex's. The tenderness of the gesture immediately brought Alex back to their time together in the Academy, and she relaxed, allowing Erin to take the lead as she washed their hair before pulling her into a warm embrace.

They lingered beneath the water until it ran cool, and then Erin turned the shower off before stepping out and grabbing towels for them. After drying off, Alex followed Erin back into the bedroom and changed into fresh underwear from her bag before accepting the sweater and skirt that Erin handed to her. The familiarity of the wearing her clothes sent a wave of nostalgia sweeping over her, and she brought the fabric of the sweater up to her nose and breathed in deeply. Erin still smelled the same, and that set her heart at ease as they went down to the kitchen.

"Pancakes and eggs all right?"

"Perfect," she replied as she boosted herself onto the counter and watched Erin work. Within minutes, their food was ready, and she smiled when Erin boosted herself up next to her as they shared a plate between them. "This makes me feel decades younger."

"Me, too," Erin replied shyly. "I know, I said that we should wait to talk, but I feel like I need to get this off my chest. Those pictures were taken by someone close to us."

"I had that same sinking feeling when I first saw them in that basem*nt. I know that it's not anyone on the team, there's no way any of them would try to hurt us in this way."

"And everyone else is represented in pictures, too. He took pictures of Jen and Henry, Erin."

She listened to her lover draw in a sharp breath between her teeth, and knew that they were now on the same track of thinking. "It couldn't be him. He hasn't been seen in decades."

"But what's changed recently?"

Erin set her fork down on their plate as she stared at Alex in shock. "You came back to us."

"Exactly. And he didn't. The Director personally asked me to come back, asked if I was ready to work under you again, and I said yes. Because I wanted to prove to you and myself that I was better at everything. And then, the hate melted away with the help of a very sweet faceless friend."

They sighed in unison as Erin covered Alex's knee with her hand. "I'm glad that we found our way back to each other, so that we could come to this conclusion. If we went into this blind, he could have gotten the upper hand. Even if he still does have the upper hand, since we don't know where he's located, or how he's tracking us."

Alex nodded as she also set aside her fork, slipping off the counter and placing the dirty items in the dishwasher before holding her hand out to Erin. She quickly clasped it, getting to her feet and letting Alex bring her into the living room so that they could curl up together on the sofa. "So, we're both in agreement that John Curtis is stalking us and our team. That he has a vendetta to settle with the BAU."

"Yes."

"And what are we going to do about that?"

Erin pressed her hand to Alex's chest, spreading out her fingers as she took a few deep breaths. "Nothing."

A quick rush of anger flared to life in her chest, and she took a rough breath as she tried to react calmly. "What?"

"Nothing. Just because we have this certainty does not mean that we're correct, or that we can back up that supposition with hard facts. Unfortunately, we need him to slip up and give us an opening before we can do anything. I hate this, but politically? We'd be undermined in a heartbeat, and it's already treacherous waters I'm treading with the Director."

Alex closed her eyes as she tried to rein in her urge to lambaste Erin over what she had just said, knowing that she could very easily destroy the fragile new relationship they were building. "Braid my hair while you explain that to me in more detail, please."

"I'll be right back with a brush, Lexie," she murmured as she rose to her feet and left the room. While she was gone, Alex slipped onto the floor and leaned against the sofa, resting her head on the cushion as she stared up at the ceiling. She didn't want to think that Erin could so easily fall back on her political bullsh*t after all they had done to come back together. Helpless tears rolled down her face as she closed her eyes, listening to Erin's steps come down the stairs to join her once more. "Tears?" Erin whispered as she took a seat behind Alex and began to draw the brush through her thick hair.

Alex shivered a little at the feel of bristles against her scalp as she nodded. "I'm having a hard time reconciling your immediate response to rely on politics after how you've shown me you've changed for the better."

"Oh," her lover murmured as she finished brushing Alex's hair and separating it out into three hanks. As Erin's hands began the rhythmic act of braiding the hair, they each took shuddery breaths, as if they were both close to losing control over their emotions. "I'm good at politics."

"I know."

"And I'm terrified, darling."

"I am, too."

Erin finished up the braid, securing it with a tie before affixing a white ribbon to the end. "And when I get terrified, I fall into the habits of what I know best, or what I'm best at. And I am damn good at playing the political game, which you tragically know. And if I can keep you and the others safe by political maneuvers, I will do so. Right now, the only thing keeping this under the radar is my assurances to the Director that we are not pursuing the Replicator except when he makes a move against us. That was why you were allowed to go to Philadelphia. If John touches even one hair on your heads, I will never forgive myself. This time, it might not be a rope I'm cutting, but a noose I'm fashioning."

Those quiet words, spoken as if Erin was addressing herself, and not Alex, tore at her heart, pushing out all the anger she had felt when first hearing Erin's no. "But what about you? Who's going to protect you?" she asked as she reached up and covered Erin's hand still on the end of her braid.

"I can protect myself. I am quite skilled with a gun, and I have taken personal defense."

"Have you had to use those skills lately?"

Erin sighed as she took hold of Alex's hand, tugging gently. Taking the hint, Alex rose to her feet before sitting next to her lover. Within moments, Erin had once more curled up into Alex, resting her head on her chest. Alex knew that the woman was listening for her heartbeat, and she spread her hand out on Erin's back to rub soft circles there. "I keep up on the range, yes."

"And your self defense skills?"

Erin let out a soft sigh. "It's been a while."

"All right, then you need to find time at our gym to work out and see if someone can help you brush up on those skills. You can't protect us if you can't protect yourself."

She nodded against her chest, and Alex pulled her closer, feeling like Erin wouldn't listen to her advice, since she had the notion in her head already that using her wits would be the best path forward. "I can take John. We were both always in better shape than him."

"He's creating a form of MDMA that can cause people to bleed out before they can get help. He's not using his physical strength here."

"And he's lacing alcohol to distribute his wicked co*cktail. I'm sober now. It might only be for a little over a year, but still, I have my sobriety. He can't get to me in that way."

Alex sighed, knowing that Erin's stubborn nature was coming out in spades in that moment, and if she were to push harder, then Erin would dig in her heels even more, which she didn't want. "All right, I won't press the issue at the moment. But please, promise me that you'll be careful. I can't be here to watch over you the way I currently want to."

"Okay. You know that I love you, yes?"

"Yes. Probably more than I love you, even though what I feel is so great." Delicately, she lifted Erin's chin, seeing that there were tracks of tears down her face. "Now, we're going to put a pin in this until we know more, okay?" Erin nodded. "And since we have the whole day ahead of us, we should go out and do something."

"Like what?"

"It's a beautiful spring day, so let's head to a park. We could pack a blanket and stop by the grocery store to pick up food for a picnic. I just wish that I had my sketch pad here, because it's been so long since I've drawn you."

"I have a blank journal, and some pens. It's not much, but it would still let you scratch that itch." Erin gave her a soft smile, and Alex nodded in agreement. "Excellent. I'll go get them, if you want to rummage around in the linen closet to find our picnic blanket and we'll grab the basket from the garage before we leave." She leaned in and kissed Alex softly, and she smiled against her lover's lips as she held her close, knowing that they'd have to get up and leave soon, if they wanted to do all that they had spontaneously planned, but still wanting to hold her close for just a little while longer, not knowing when they might have a moment like this again.

It had been nearly a month since she and Erin had been intimate, and while she might want to love on her again, Alex found that the guilt that gnawed at her heart was a little too great to allow for that to happen again. Erin understood her reticence, and they had kept up their familiar pattern of midnight calls, even if they were a little more sexually charged as a result of their abstinence. And all seemed to be right with their world for the first time in a while, since Curtis had gone underground, not copying any of their cases or making any taunts. So when Hotch and Rossi had called an emergency meeting in the briefing room following the case in Colorado, Alex knew that something was wrong.

"Do you have any clue what's going on?" JJ whispered as they filed into the room, and Alex shook her head as she stared at Garcia and Erin. There was a guilty flush on Erin's cheeks when their eyes met, and Alex had to fight the urge to turn around and head home, knowing that she wouldn't like what she was about to hear.

"All right, we're all here, Erin. What do you have to say?" Hotch asked, sounding as frustrated as Alex felt in that moment. As they took seats around the table, Erin cleared her throat as she stared at the board where all their information on the Replicator was laid out. And since Alex had positioned herself in front of said boards, their eyes met every so often before Erin spoke.

"I have news that you're not going to be happy with," she started, and Alex heard the tremor of fear and anger in her voice that she wasn't certain the others could pick up on, since they didn't have their history. "The Replicator case has been on the back of our minds for months now, and the Director feels that he has given us enough time to find out who this is, and where he is. Since there has been no action on his end in the last month, Director Shepperd feels like he has gone dormant for some reason, and will no longer allow us the latitude to conduct this case in our own time. He feels as if our attention is too far divided, and that we need to focus on those cases that we actually can solve."

"That's f*cking bullsh*t." Alex turned her head to look at Morgan, giving him a nod of agreement. "Hasn't he seen the pictures this sick bastard has taken of us? Of our families?"

"He has, yes, but since there's been no harmful actions taken against them, he believes that the threat isn't as dire."

"And does he remember what happened to Hotch the last time we didn't go after a psychopath stalking our team? Or what happened to Emily? Both of them nearly died, and they did lose parts of their families."

Reid's voice, though steady, was also filled with anguish, and Alex pursed her lips together in an effort to keep from crying. "I know, Agent Reid. I used that tack with him, too. He is adamant, though, that we stop all official and unofficial work on this case. Which isn't even a case in his eyes, and therefore an egregious abuse of federal resources."

Erin met her eye, and Alex could see that she was close to breaking down. Giving her a small nod, she then looked to Hotch, to see what his reaction would be. "Unofficially, the Director cannot dictate how we use our free time."

"In this case, he can. I've been informed that if he gets even a whiff of anything that would suggest any one of us is still looking for the Replicator, suspensions will happen. Believe me, I tried every trick in my political maneuvering arsenal to get him to relent, and nothing worked." Erin let out a long breath as she shook her head. "I know this isn't what you all wanted to hear. I know that you all want to leave here and work on this at one of your homes, I do. But I have to ask that you leave this alone. Eventually, he'll make his move, and we can go after him again."

"All of us?" Rossi asked, fixing his gaze on Erin, and she nodded. "All right, I swear, we'll leave it alone. Now, let's head home and lick our wounds over this. You know I hate this decision, bella."

"Not as much as I hate it. I'll see you all tomorrow, ready for a new case."

The others nodded as they rose to their feet, filing slowly from the briefing room. JJ squeezed her shoulder before she left, and Alex gave her a quick smile as the door closed, leaving just her and Erin there. "What the hell, Erin?"

"Not here. There are ears everywhere. It's close enough to midnight, wouldn't you say?"

"Yes. I'll meet you at your home?" Erin nodded before stepping closer to her, her hand wavering in the air before she drew it back, as if she was afraid of touching her. "In a little bit."

"Yes." Erin gave her a pained smile before she left the room, and Alex had to take a long breath before she pushed away from the table. JJ was still lingering by her desk when Alex went to hers, and she waved the younger woman over to her side.

"You're angry."

Alex gave her a hard look before nodding. "Yes. Who does Ron think he is, ordering us off this case? We could end up dead here!"

JJ nodded as she rested her hand on Alex's elbow. "Do you have everything you need to head home?" Alex nodded. "Good. Let me tell you a story on our way to our cars."

There was iron in her voice, and Alex knew that she couldn't refuse the command, even though she was old enough to be JJ's mother. "What sort of story?" she asked as she slung her purse over her shoulder and walked with her out into the hall.

"The sort of story that thankfully had a good outcome. When Emily was dead to the team, we were ordered not to search out Doyle, that he was too much of a threat to risk drawing eyes on us for. Emily was his last victim, as far as Director Shepperd was concerned. But Derek and Penelope didn't listen to that advice, and even though we were down to five members over the course of those sixteen weeks she was gone from us, they still managed to find him, and track his movements. And it did draw eyes on us, and we were in danger as a result. Since this was just a little while ago, I know that Director Shepperd has that in mind when he thinks about our team going off on a rogue mission. Try not to be too rough on her when you get home. I can tell she's struggling with this decision, too."

"I'll try. Thanks for the story, Jen." She let out a long breath as she unlocked her car. "I just want to be done with the political bullsh*t."

"Her job is ninety five percent political bullsh*t, so you'll have to get used to it, if you want to make things work. I know, you know."

"Know what?" she said sharply as she tossed her bag into her passenger seat.

"You know. I can tell by the way you talk to each other over the phone that things have shifted between you two. You sound like Will and me at times."

Alex flushed as she looked at the ground. "Please keep that to yourself?"

"Of course. But if I were you, I'd end the night in her arms. Nothing heals disappointment and anger more than curling up with one you love." JJ smiled as she patted her arm and then walked over to her car and got in. Alex watched her for a moment before slipping behind the wheel of her car and pulling out of her spot.

The drive to Erin's home didn't take long, and she pulled into the garage next to her lover only fifteen minutes later. Erin was closing the door before she even got out of the car, and Alex grabbed her purse before heading inside. She was met at the door with a steaming mug of coffee, and she closed her hand around it as she followed Erin deeper into the house, dropping her purse on the counter as she went. As soon as they were in the living room, she sank down into her corner of the sofa, while Erin primly sat next to her, not meeting her eyes.

"I know that you're mad at me."

Alex nodded. "How can you kowtow to him? I know that he asked me back to the BAU, that I need to be grateful to him for this opportunity, but Erin! He's hamstringing us!"

"You. He's hamstringing you. Since I know, or think I know, who's hunting us, I can safely work behind the scenes to track him down. Once I have the evidence, I can bring it to him and then he won't be able to ignore this any longer."

"And what happens if Ron finds out what you're doing, and you're suspended. Or fired. How am I supposed to protect you when there wouldn't be eyes on you for the majority of the day? And how would I tell your children that you were killed in the line of duty by someone we knew about but weren't allowed to take action against? Dammit, Erin!"

"I've told you before, I'm competent, I'm excellent with a firearm, and I know what John is up to. Those three things make it so that I will be prepared for anything that he could possibly do to me!"

"And why won't you see that he is a wily bastard who knows that we're on to him, which is why he hasn't made a move in a month! He wants to throw us off our game and then he can swoop in for the kill."

"I know that!" Erin's nostrils flared as she slammed her mug onto the coffee table, sloshing a bit of the liquid onto the wood. "Dammit, Lexie, I am doing everything in my power to protect my team. Is it so hard to ask for a little support from you? The woman I love?"

Angry tears sparkled in Erin's eyes, and Alex shook her head a little as she also set her coffee mug aside, worried she might throw it in the next few minutes. "I am trying to support you! You're the foolish one who's racing straight into Death's arms without a care for the people you'll leave behind! f*ck, I just started loving you again. Loving you has never been easy, you know. You've always made it incredibly difficult to love and be content with you."

Erin bit her lip and took a deep breath before she responded. "And loving you has always been way too easy. I never lost my love for you, even when you were so angry with me. And I am doing everything in my power to protect you. If the others are saved along the way, so be it, but you are my priority. Lexie, don't let this divide us, not when I am going to need you so desperately until we've caught him."

That was when Erin turned from her, staring at the floor as she began to weep quietly into her hands. Alex closed her eyes, feeling the anger drain from her body as she scooted closer to Erin and closed an arm around her waist, pulling her back against her body as she pressed her lips to her hair. She wasn't surprised when Erin turned in her embrace, throwing her arms around her as she sobbed into the crook of her neck. "I can't pretend that I understand, but I love you enough to trust that you'll be smart. And if you need me, I will be by your side in a heartbeat to help you take him down. Just because the love I have for you is complicated doesn't mean that it isn't worth fighting for. Now, JJ had some good advice for us."

"Oh?" Erin murmured, the feel of her lips tickling Alex's skin.

"Yes. She suggested that we curl up together in bed, and I am inclined to agree with her. Not to make love, but to rest in each other's arms, and regroup from this setback. Okay?"

"Okay," Erin said and Alex gently pushed her away so that she could get to her feet. Erin stood with her, and hand in hand, they made their way up to the bedroom. Alex knew that this conversation wasn't over quite yet, but she didn't want to push her any further that evening, not when they were both hurting and needed to soothe those wounds before they could move forward together.

Watch over Derek while you're in Chicago. The last time the BAU was there with him, it was a horrid case for him personally. He might not open up to you about his past, so I don't feel comfortable divulging his personal business, but just give him as much support as you can. I know that things are still rough between you, but I also know how soft your heart can be for those who are hurting. I'll talk to you soon.

Alex smiled at the text from Erin, grateful to have a better insight into what Morgan would be going through on this case. By the time she reached the airfield, Reid and Morgan were boarding the jet already, and she shouldered her go bag as she locked her car and went to join them. After handing the bag to the pilot, she got on the jet as well, taking her usual spot near the galley. As she scrolled through her emails, sending a few responses to her students, JJ plopped down next to her, and she gave the younger woman a quick smile.

"This is going to be a difficult case."

"Erin intimated as much in a text. Something about Morgan's history with the city?" she said lowly as she set the phone aside to look at JJ.

"His dad was a cop there, and he was killed in the line of duty. There's also a personal history with the police force we'll be working with, and I don't think that seven years is long enough to heal some of the wounds that were received. Ultimately, it's Derek's story to tell, though I'm certain that you could find any information you wanted on Google."

Alex nodded as she watched Hotch and Rossi boarded the jet and then they were taking off for Chicago. The plane ride was more subdued than she had previously experienced, and she found it hard not to look at Morgan sympathetically as he talked about Carl Buford and his connection to this case. A part of her heart ached for the younger man, as she couldn't begin to imagine the horrors inflicted upon him at a young age by someone he'd trusted.

The day passed by in a whirlwind of activity, though they didn't end up any closer to the unsub by the end of the day, which seemed to cause Morgan to deflate a little. Hotch picked up on the atmosphere that surrounded them all, and gave Dave a look. The man nodded in return, and then Hotch cleared his throat to get their attention. "All right, we're going to regroup and unwind by having dinner together. Do we want Chinese or pizza?"

Everyone looked at Morgan, as if they knew that he should be the one to make this decision, and he grinned at Hotch, though the expression didn't quite reach his eyes. "Chinese. It's our tradition, after all."

"All right, let's head out then, and come back to this fresh in the morning." Hotch led them from the precinct, and Alex noticed that Gordinski tried to talk to Morgan once more, though Morgan ignored him. The bad blood was understandable, but she still hoped that there could be some sort of reconciliation between the two before they left the city. That thought caused her to swallow the giggle that inappropriately rose up from her belly, and JJ gave her an askance look.

"I just had a thought that is pretty hypocritical, given where I came from at the start of my second tenure here. Reconciliation takes time, we can't force it on other people."

JJ nodded with a soft chuckle. "You are correct. Though given the way that you and Erin have come back together, I suppose that hope is possible in any situation." Alex nodded in return as they stepped outside and over to the SUVs.

"So, where are we going?" Rossi asked Hotch as Alex closed the door, and she looked at their leader expectantly.

"I vaguely remember this good Chinese place that Gideon brought us to last time. Here's hoping that it's still open." Alex arched an eyebrow as she settled back in her seat and once more began to scroll through her notifications, answering a few of the texts from her colleagues at Georgetown before checking the news happening in James's current location. She was so glad to see that things appeared to be getting a bit better, which meant that he could be coming home soon. She needed that to be true, as she wanted to tell him face to face that things had shifted once more, and she had made her final decision.

Hotch was pulling into a parking spot by the time she was finished, and Alex let out a little sigh as they got out and headed inside. She was a bit shocked when Morgan took a seat next to her, since they still weren't as close as he was with others on the team, but she still went with it, since she knew there needed to be harmony, especially on a case like this. "How are you holding up?" she asked quietly as they picked up their menus.

"It's rough, but I'm glad to be back here, helping others find the closure that they need. And Gordinski is being surprisingly decent. I suppose he feels like he has to make up for his mistake the last time we were here, though. Thanks for not prying into things, though. I really appreciate that."

"You're welcome. I know how it feels to have people dig into your history and not have any regard for how you feel." They shared a look of understanding, and then he was chuckling as he nodded. "Now, what's good here?"

"The egg rolls are off the chain," he remarked as he looked at the menu. "And I'm always partial to chicken fried rice. But really, anything you get here is delicious."

She nodded and looked over what the restaurant had to offer, hurriedly deciding on honey chicken and a few egg rolls. Once their order was in, Rossi began to tell stories about his hometown, obviously trying to put them more at ease. This led to Hotch telling them stories about Jack and how he was doing. Those stories were a little painful to hear, as it made Alex think about Ethan, and all she had lost with his death. Still, when it came time for her to share, she found herself reluctantly sharing impersonal anecdotes of her childhood. She didn't really want the others to know deeply personal things about her, so that seemed the safest course of action for her to take. Morgan seemed to pick up on her reticence, as he jumped in and began to expound on something she had talked about, and Alex gave him a brief smile as she tucked back into her food.

They spent a good few hours unwinding, and then Alex noticed Hotch glance at his watch. "Well, it's getting late. We should probably get back to the hotel."

He gave her a small smile, and she nodded as Rossi paid for their meal before they went out to the vehicles and started for the hotel. When Alex glanced at the time on the clock, she saw that it was nearly midnight, and they should be in their rooms before Erin called her. The thoughtfulness of the gesture touched her heart, and as they walked over to the elevators, she gave his elbow a soft squeeze as they stepped inside. "Thanks."

"You're welcome. Is she doing well?"

"Yes." They met eyes as he pressed the button for their floor, and she flushed guiltily as she shrugged. "As well as can be expected. There are things that I can't say, because of the situation with the Director."

"I'm in a similar boat. It's difficult to be open and honest when your hands are tied. But if she ever wants to get together for lunch and talk in circles, let me know."

Alex chuckled as she nodded. "I'll make certain to let her know that." They were quiet for the rest of the ride up to the eighth floor and then turned separate ways to their rooms. JJ was just unlocking the door when Alex caught up to her, and the younger woman smiled as she let them inside.

"Just in time for your call!"

"Yeah, that was really kind of Hotch," she replied as she went over to her bed and plopped down on it. Just as she settled in, her mobile began to vibrate against her thigh, and she pulled it out to see Erin's name on the display. "Good evening, Erin."

"Good evening. How are things going in Chicago?"

Alex watched JJ grab her night clothes before heading into the bathroom and then answered. "They're going well, but Morgan seems to be distracted, which I completely understand. He has opened up a little to me during the day, which has seemingly led to a better working relationship between the two of us. I know that things aren't going to be perfect right away, but at least we're making those inroads."

"That is exactly what I like to hear about my teams," Erin said and Alex preened a little at the gentle praise she heard in Erin's voice. "And how are you doing?"

"Would you be upset if I told you that I don't know?"

Erin made a soft sound of distress in the back of her throat, and then she was switching the call to Facetime so that she could look at her. Alex took a deep breath before she accepted the change, giving her lover a weak smile. "What's unsettling you?"

"Knowing that there's a madman out there, hellbent on destroying us? And knowing that you and Hotch are trying to take the burden of finding him all on your shoulders without letting us help out."

"I'm sorry, what is Aaron doing?"

Alex frowned at her as she shook her head. "You would think that you weren't a profiler at one point, Erin. Of course, he was going to do his own research into the Replicator and see if he can figure anything out. He told me to tell you that if you want to talk in circles with him over lunch, you're free to do so. And maybe we should take him up on his offer."

"And then I would lose two of my brightest talents to a suspension or worse. I didn't ask Ron to invite you back just for you to foolishly run headlong into a danger that is probably too great for one person to handle. You're also making connections to the team, which is wonderful, and you need to continue growing those relationships unhindered."

"Erin…"

"Lexie." Erin gave her a sad look as she rubbed her lips together a few times. "I want you to be free to work on the cases that come across my desk. I want you to bring closure and peace to those victims and their families. I have a desk job, there are a lot of days where I have nothing more to do that sign off on a few reports and try to look busy until the next meeting. Helen can help me remain furtive about my actions, she's done it before. I will be fine, but I cannot have my attention divided in three ways to include watching over you and Aaron. And yes, I will be speaking with him when you return, to give him the same tongue lashing I just gave you."

Alex felt a blush creep over her skin at those words, and Erin shook her head. "I'm sorry! Sometimes I have a one track mind, especially when it comes to you. I, I can think of another sort of tongue lashing I'd like to receive from you."

A soft gasp caught her attention, and she looked up from the phone screen to see that JJ had joined them without her hearing, and had overheard their last exchange. "We're not alone anymore, are we?" Erin asked, and Alex nodded heavily. "Tell Jennifer that I hope she has a good evening. I'll deal with you when you get home."

Erin ended the call before Alex could say another word, and Alex gave JJ a sheepish smile as she set the phone on the nightstand. "Well, I guess that answers a few of my unasked questions," JJ quipped as she flopped backwards onto her bed. "Though I can't say that I ever wanted to picture some things."

"Once more, I'm going to ask you to keep that to yourself, as neither of us want our private business to become public knowledge."

"Of course, Alex. I'll see you in the morning." JJ made herself comfortable on the bed and was soon fast asleep. Alex rolled her eyes a little as she got off the bed and grabbed out her pyjamas. Once she was changed and had washed her face, she padded quietly back over to her bed and slipped beneath the covers. For some reason, she decided to check her phone one last time, and saw a text from Erin. If you come home to me after the case, I can see about giving you the tongue lashing that you want. Love you

Alex grinned at those words and nestled into the mattress as she drifted off to sleep, her thoughts decidedly happier than they had been before leaving for Chicago.